


i still dream in indigo when you're around

by sxntiago



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxious Amy Santiago, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Mutual Pining, Pining, Pining Amy Santiago, Pining Jake Peralta, Pregnancy, Pregnant Amy Santiago, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-10
Updated: 2020-08-18
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:08:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 57,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24099346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sxntiago/pseuds/sxntiago
Summary: When Amy Santiago falls pregnant unexpectedly with her ex-boyfriend's baby, it feels like all hope for her future is lost. She has so many plans, and an accidental pregnancy isn't one of them. Her life feels like it is about to fall apart, but then Jake Peralta steps in and makes everything okay.
Relationships: Amy Santiago/Teddy Wells, Jake Peralta/Amy Santiago, Jake Peralta/Sophia Perez
Comments: 199
Kudos: 399





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hi so basically this is killing me and i hope it kills you too. oh, and did i mention i love angst and mutual pining way too much for my own good?
> 
> title from ‘sleepwalker’ by of monsters and men.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amy finds out some unwelcome news and Jake is there to pick up the pieces. Set after the events of _The Road Trip._

“Santiago. Peralta. I want you both on the case.”

Amy’s stomach does a somersault, her heart pounding wildly against her chest, threatening to burst out through her ribcage and flop onto the table in front of her. She watches in bewilderment as Jake throws her a quick glance over his shoulder, and she rushes to flash him a weak smile, though she thinks it may appear as more of a grimace. 

Her eyes remain on him long after he looks away, and she has to force herself to avert her gaze, trying desperately to focus on Captain Holt, who stands behind the podium at the front of the briefing room. With a quiet, awkward clear of her throat and an unnecessary scratch behind her ear, she focuses on the words coming out of her captain’s mouth in a forlorn attempt to ignore Rosa’s curious and questioning eyes on her.

Vaguely, in the very back of her mind, she is aware of Jake agreeing to Holt’s request, sealing in the idea of them working a case together once again. Any hopes of avoiding her partner forever, for as long as it took for the awkward tension and embarrassment between them to fade away, are suddenly and violently killed before her eyes, her breath faltering as she realises that Jake is looking at her once again, a kind and reassuring but small and nervous smile gracing his features. Amy feels her cheeks heat up and her mouth go dry as she gives him one tiny nod of the head, acknowledging his gaze.

The briefing seems to come to an end impossibly soon after, and Amy is left sighing at her incomplete notes. She tries to pretend she doesn’t see Jake approaching her as she collects her papers, keeping her eyes trained on the desk before her while the room bustles with activity, her colleagues flooding out of the room all around her.

When she hears his voice, her breath catches in her throat. “Uh, hey,” he says, and when she finally looks up at him, he has a little lopsided smile on his face that makes her heart feel like it is about to burst. As a result, she feels a smile tugging at her lips too, and she allows it to appear as she tucks her papers under her arm.

“Hi,” she replies shyly, her voice breaking more than she expects it to. She reaches up to push a loose piece of hair out of her face, just looking for something, anything, for her hands to do.

Jake stares at her for a little while longer, maybe a little too long as by the time she diverts her gaze uncomfortably her cheeks are heating up once again. She hears him clear his throat, her eyes focusing on the way his hands are tensing and untensing, the veins in the backs of his arms pulsing in the way that always makes Amy’s stomach flutter.

“So…” he begins, trailing off almost immediately, and Amy is left to compose herself, her eyes darting up quickly to meet his again, “do you wanna, um, check out the crime scene?” His eyes are large and innocent, his gaze shy, as though he expects her to refuse. She watches as he lifts his hand to rub the back of his neck, and Amy is suddenly overwhelmingly aware of the fact that she should not be so captivated by the way his bicep flexes as he does.

Amy pulls the inside of her cheek between her teeth, biting down painfully to ground herself. “Sure,” she hums, hoping that she sounds more confident in her decision than she feels. As discreetly as she can, she wipes the sweat from her palms onto the backs of her trousers.

Jake’s shy smile slowly morphs into a wide, toothy grin and he gives her a quick nod. “Okay, great,” he says, sounding surprisingly more enthusiastic than she’s ever heard him sound before. “I’ll drive.”

Amy has to roll the window down in Jake’s car because she can’t seem to get enough air in otherwise, momentarily forgetting how to breath amongst the anxiety of the situation. She keeps her gaze focused out the window, even when she feels Jake’s eyes on her, glancing at her every so often. She focuses on the way her chest rises and falls as she breathes, the way the quiet sound of the radio playing cuts into the complete silence of the car.

Eventually, no more than ten minutes into the drive, she hears Jake sigh and, knowing that he is going to start talking, she holds her breath in anticipation. “So,” he breathes eventually, and Amy drags her eyes over to look at him. His eyes are trained on the road before them as he grips the steering wheel firmly. “How are you? We haven’t really spoken since…” he trails off after that, causing Amy to take a sharp intake of breath.

She swallows thickly, unsure whether her mouth will allow her to respond to his question. “I’m good,” she manages, her voice hoarse. “How’s, uh, Sophia?” The name physically burns her tongue as she says it, and when she sees Jake’s jaw clench, she immediately regrets ever asking about his girlfriend in the first place.

“She’s fine,” he replies, glancing across at Amy with a small, faraway smile on his face. “Good. Yeah.”

Amy forces a weak smile in response and replies, “Good,” before she turns back to look out of the window. Her heart is in her throat, and she is ready for the car to be plunged back into dead silence when Jake lets out a sigh and begins to talk again.

“Look, Amy,” she breaths sharply at his use of her first name, “I’m really sorry about how awkward things have been between us these past few weeks. I just- just want things to go back to normal… you know?”

She glances across at him, watching his mouth move as he finishes talking, still watching when he takes his bottom lip between his teeth and nibbles slightly, and she isn’t sure she’ll ever be able to look at him without butterflies appearing in her stomach ever again. “I’m sorry, too, Jake,” she says quietly, her voice barely above a whisper. “I- uh, you’ll never let me live this down but, uh, I’ve missed you. A lot.”

Jake’s face stretches into a grin. “I’ve missed you, too, dork.” He pauses and looks over at Amy with his brows raised, looking mischievous. “And you’re right, I will never let you forget that.” His face lights up in a laugh and Amy finds herself giggling along with him as she relaxes back into her chair.

She shakes her head, turning to look back out of the window, and she doesn’t stop smiling for the rest of the drive. When they finally pull up outside of the crime scene and Amy glances at the notes, realising she wasn’t really concentrating at this morning’s briefing and as a result failed to realise that this case is that of a suspected homicide, she has to forcefully wipe the grin off her face and mask it with a sombre expression.

After pausing briefly to collect shoe covers and gloves, she and Jake make their way up to the apartment, and she tries to ignore the electric shock that travels through her body, culminating in a firework-like explosion in her chest, when Jake’s hand brushes against hers in the elevator. She recoils and he gives her a sheepish smile. She doesn’t have time to process it before the elevator slows to a halt and they have to step out and into the crime scene.

The forensic investigators are already present at the scene, swarming around the body like flies to a fruit basket. Amy ducks under the police tape to enter the apartment, Jake hot on her heels, and she takes in the scene as she pulls on her gloves. With a careful nod to the officers waiting for them, Amy pulls the casefile out from under her arm and scans over it for a quick summary of the case, trying to ignore the way Jake’s warm breath flutters over her shoulder as he leans over her to read the notes. 

He is impossibly close, and it shouldn’t affect her the way it does. After all, he has been closer to her before, his face centimetres away from her while he helps her run through the breathing exercises learned at the academy to be used after a particularly haunting case, his body pressed up against hers in a hug after they finally managed to solve a difficult and complicated assault, but things have changed and this closeness is almost too much for her altogether. She finishes reading the notes as quickly as she can, ashamed of the way she skips potentially important information just to get away from him as quickly as she can.

It’s not till she jolts away from him that a wave of nausea hits her. She gasps in a breath, squeezing her eyes closed as the feeling overcomes her and stumbling towards the body. Her head spins momentarily before she feels a pair of strong hands on her upper arms; Jake’s warm hands grip her, holding her steady as she groans uneasily.

“Amy?” He is speaking but his voice is very far away, further away than it should be considering she can feel his breath fanning over the back of her neck again. “Are you okay?”

“I think- think I’m gonna-” she manages before her breath catches in her throat and the room suddenly seems to be much too small and much too warm, the walls closing in on her. A few large, black spots appear before her eyes and then she is falling backwards into Jake’s arms, and his voice is panicked and breathy as he catches her firmly, reliable as ever, and she is fading, and then she is going, going, going, _gone_.

Jake’s voice is the first thing she hears when her hearing comes back to her. Her throat and mouth feel drier than the Sahara Desert and her tongue is like sandpaper when it darts out of her mouth in an attempt to wet her crusted lips. She tries to open her eyes, but her eyelids feel heavy and it seems impossible, so she merely lets out a small groan to let Jake know she is awake.

“Ames, you’re awake,” he sighs, and the use of her nickname causes a shiver to run down her spine, the movement cluing her up to the fact that Jake’s hand is cradling her head, preventing her from resting it on the hard, wooden floor and supporting her neck. “Thank God.”

“M’awake,” she mumbles, finally able to peel her eyes open just a little bit. It takes a moment for her to adjust to the light, squinting her eyes as Jake’s face comes in and out of focus periodically. “What- what happened?”

Though she is still groggy, she can now she the worry written across Jake’s face, his eyebrows knitted together in concern. “You passed out. Do you feel okay? Are you hurt?” The panic in his voice is hidden well aside from the slight wobble threaded through his words. Amy picks up on it instantly, recognising it from the times when they’d had to share particularly difficult news with a victim’s family.

She parts her lips, swallowing once and remembering the lack of moisture inside her mouth. “W- water,” she manages, unsure of what else to say, and Jake’s eyes light up immediately.

“Oh! Yeah, of course, water!” Jake says hurriedly, and then he throws his head over his shoulder and continues, now speaking to someone else. “Can we get some water please?”

Amy is now painfully aware of the fact that there are other people here, and also of the fact that she just fainted in the middle of a crime scene, potentially tainting important evidence. She groans once, her body aching as she attempts to push herself up off the floor, desperate to move out of the apartment, but a blinding pain hits her right in the temples, and she is left clutching at her forehead. “Oh, God,” she grumbles.

She feels Jake’s spare hand, the one that is not currently supporting her head, on her shoulder, the warmth reassuring as he pushes her gently back down. “Hey, no. Stay here just now, okay? Don’t try to get up yet.” His voice is soft and quiet, and convincing enough for Amy to listen as she gazes up into his eyes, silently putting her trust in him.

“Here,” Amy hears an unfamiliar voice say, and then she feels Jake’s hand leave her shoulder and almost outright whines at the loss of the comforting contact. A few seconds later though, Jake’s hand comes back into view, this time clutching a plastic cup of water, and she reaches for it immediately.

“Let me help you,” Jake says, pulling the cup slightly out of her reach for a moment. She stares at him, glaring momentarily at his insistence before she slowly nods, accepting her fate, and allows him to gently lift her head off the floor and help her to take a sip of water from the cup. She holds the liquid in her mouth for a moment, savouring the feeling before she swallows dramatically, leading Jake to chuckle slightly.

“Want- need- to sit up.” Amy conjoins the broken words to make a sort-of-sentence, and watches as Jake seems to consider her request for a moment before he nods and begins to heave her into an upright position. She slides her hands to the ground behind her to support her, and finally she is upright, the ache in her temples fading into the background.

Amy glances around nervously at the many people surrounding her, and Jake seems to catch on because he throws the words, “She’s fine, everyone,” over his shoulder, giving them a look Amy can’t explain but that leads them to hesitantly disperse and go back to their work. Jake turns back to her with an uneasy smile on his face. “You sure you’re okay?”

“Uh,” Amy begins, considering the question, and then she nods slightly. Jake removes his hand from behind her head, but Amy notices that his other hand still grips her wrist tightly, as if he is trying to reassure both of them that she is okay. “Yeah. I feel fine now.”

Jake nods, then smiles sheepishly. “That was pretty scary, Santiago,” he admits, and Amy laughs ever so slightly, watching as he scratches the back of his neck earnestly.

“Aw, you were worried about me,” she says with a small smirk, though a part of her is unsure whether this now crosses the line into flirting rather than innocent banter.

“I see you’re feeling better already,” Jake retorts, grimacing dramatically before he laughs brightly. “Come on, let’s get you out of here.” He pauses. “I can, uh- I can carry you if-”

“Jake,” Amy says disapprovingly, though part of her is wondering what it would feel like if Jake _was_ to carry her out of here. “I can walk.”

“Okay. I know. I just-” he cuts his sentence short, sighing deeply, and then smiles slightly at her. “At least let me help you up.” Amy opens her mouth to argue but Jake holds his hand up, silencing her. “It’s not up for debate, Santiago.” His voice is firm, authoritative even, but there is still a softness there, buried deep within the command.

Amy sighs in defeat and holds her hand out, and Jake grips it. He stands up first, and on his way, he grabs her waist, helping heave her to her feet as he goes. She is left to suck in a deep breath at the touch, clambering to her feet ungracefully and trying not to give in to the way her knees wobble when she stands.

“You good?” Jake asks, hand still gripping her waist and the other locked into her own.

She swallows thickly and gives a small nod, releasing her grip on his hand. “I’m good,” she confirms, and a moment passes before he peels his hands away from her, watching her carefully in obvious concern. She raises her eyebrows. “Jake. I said I’m good.”

Jake sighs and nods his head slowly. “Okay. Let’s go. I’m driving you home.”

Amy blinks in dismay, watching as he turns to head for the door. She follows him unsteadily, her balance still slightly thrown off, and begins to protest. “Wait, what? No, I’m not going home. My shift-”

Jake laughs in disbelief as he ducks under the police tape, Amy following suit promptly afterwards. “You’re taking the rest of the day off.” He tells her, glancing back at her to make sure she manages to emerge from the apartment on her own.

“But Captain Holt-”

“I’m pretty sure Holt will understand,” Jake says, and Amy sighs because she knows he is right. “Just let me drive you home.”

“Fine.” Amy says, rolling her eyes as they step into the elevator. She leans against the back wall, stifling her groan of pain as best she can at the thumping in her head, but from the look of concern, Jake notices. She flashes him as convincing a smile as she can, and he studies her for a moment longer before the elevator grinds to a halt and he is forced to look away.

As Jake starts up the car, he glances over at Amy briefly. “So, what happened back there?” He asks, causing Amy to sigh quietly.

“I don’t know,” she admits. “I guess- maybe I didn’t eat enough for breakfast this morning.” She pushes back the knowledge that she definitely did eat enough this morning, replacing it with the thought of how lucky she is to have a partner who looks after her like Jake does.

The drive back to Amy’s apartment is mostly quiet, apart from the sound of Jake quietly humming along to the song playing on the radio, and Amy tries to ignore the worry pulsing in her chest. She hasn’t gotten sick for _years_ and she hasn’t passed out since high school, and the thought of what might be causing her to feel so ill makes her chew violently on her nails until her fingertips begin to bleed.

It isn’t until they are five minutes away from her apartment that Amy begins to feel unwell again. She isn’t sure if it’s just nerves causing it but she suddenly feels queasy, and she isn’t sure she’ll make it all the way home, so she puffs her cheeks out to stop herself from vomiting and pats Jake’s arm relentlessly to gain his attention.

He glances across at her, and his eyes widen in what looks like concern. “Amy? Do you feel alright?” She shakes her head wildly, pointing out of the window of the car violently. “Pull over?” She nods rapidly, and then closes her eyes and tilts her head back, trying to breathe as she feels the car pull over and come to a slow halt.

Amy jumps out of the vehicle, her feet barely on the ground when she begins heaving, throwing up onto the grass. Her eyes water with tears, but it’s not long before she feels Jake behind her, one hand gathering her hair to hold it out of her face and the other rubbing gentle circles in her back. She feels her heart melt just a little, even though she can’t seem to hide the embarrassment of vomiting in front of him, her cheeks reddening as she finishes, taking the deepest breath that she can as her body continues to spasm in an attempt to rid her stomach of all its contents.

She gasps for breath, clutching at her tender stomach, and focuses on Jake’s hand stroking her back.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Jake’s soft voice says, and she closes her eyes, relishing the sound for just a moment before she reaches up to wipe at her mouth. “You’re okay.”

Amy straightens her back out slowly, feeling Jake’s hands drop from her body instantly, almost as if he has been touching molten lava for the last few minutes. She sniffs, wiping the tears from her face before she turns to him.

“You look like shit,” he blurts, and then his eyes light up as a playful but soft smile takes over his face.

Amy rolls her eyes. “Thanks,” she says sarcastically, throwing him a short-lived glare before she laughs slightly. “I _feel_ like shit. I must have food poisoning or- or something.”

Jake gives her a sympathetic smile and reaches out to touch her shoulder, guiding her towards the car. She allows herself to lean into his touch ever so slightly, trying not to think about the fact that she just spewed right in front of him. “Come on. Let’s get you home.” He says, standing beside the car to make sure she can clamber in on her own, and she nods in agreement.

Throughout the short ride to her apartment, Amy notices Jake glancing at her every few seconds, concern evident in his eyes. The first few times, she ignores him, still focused on steadying her breathing and kneading the slightly painful muscles of her stomach, but eventually she twists her body towards him, a small smile on her face.

“Jake,” she laughs slightly, and he turns to look at her, his eyebrows raised in what seems like alarm, causing her laughing to intensify slightly. “I’m fine. You don’t have to keep looking at me.”

Jake seems to visibly relax at her words, and he awards her with a breathy chuckle. “Sorry,” he says, smiling in what seems like a slightly self-conscious manner. “Glad you’re feeling better now.” He pauses. “You’re still taking the rest of today off though.”

Amy sighs, throwing her head back to rest against the headrest of the passenger seat. “I guess that’s probably a good idea,” she mumbles, reluctant to admit it.

“Glad we’re all in agreement,” Jake says, leading Amy to suspect that he would have put up a fight if she’d refused to stay home for the rest of the day.

“I should call Holt,” she says, unable to hide the nervous tone in her voice at the thought of telling Holt she isn’t able to come back in and work the remainder of her shift. Even though she accepts the fact that staying at home is the most responsible choice, she can’t remember the last time she stayed off work and she doesn’t feel nearly sick enough anymore to use illness as an excuse.

“Don’t worry. I got it covered.” Jake says, throwing her a reassuring smile. “I’ll let him know you’re taking the rest of today off.”

Amy opens her mouth to refuse his offer, but then decides against it, pressing her lips into a thin smile. “Okay. Thanks, Jake.” Letting Jake tell Holt would take some pressure off of her, after all. A few seconds after she speaks, the car slows to a halt outside her apartment building, and she clears her throat before speaking again. “For everything. For- for looking out for me today.”

Jake nods, as though he is acknowledging her thanks. “Let me walk you to your apartment,” he says simply, twisting his body to look at Amy.

She shakes her head. “Jake, it’s fine.” She raises her eyebrows sternly when he gives her a questioning, unsure look. “Seriously. I’m fine. I feel much better already.”

Jake seems like he wants to object, but after a few seconds of opening and closing his mouth, he nods slowly, looking remarkably similar to a dejected puppy. “Okay,” he says softly. “Just- let me know if you need anything.”

Amy smiles, her heart swelling at his generous offer of help should she need it. “I will,” she says quietly.

Jake doesn’t say anything else, instead opting to watch her slowly as she retrieves her purse from the footwell and climbs out of the car. She watches him leave from the curb, waiting to wave, and then turns towards her apartment when his car disappears from sight, overcome by the urge to chase after him and tell him that yes, she would, in fact, like him to walk her home. Instead, she takes a deep breath and heads into her apartment building alone.

Tears are pricking at her eyes and she isn’t even sure why. Sure, things have been awkward between her and Jake lately (exceedingly so) but they talked it through on the way to the crime scene and things are _fine_ now. No damage has been done as a result of her selfish crush on Jake – he isn’t upset with her; things aren’t awkward between them anymore and things are fine between him and Sophia. There isn’t any reason that Amy should be feeling the way she does, that her heart should feel like it is breaking into a million pieces inside her chest.

When she finally reaches her apartment and steps foot inside, she throws her purse to the side and kicks off her shoes, not even pausing to hang her purse up or line her shoes up on her doormat. She shuffles to the sofa and flops down onto it with a sigh, tilting her head back until she is staring up at the ceiling and allowing the burning tears to begin spilling from her eyes and down her cheeks.

There is a part of her, deep down, that knows she is upset because Jake is still with Sophia, and every other part of her _hates_ that part of herself. 

Even after Amy admitted to having had recent feelings for him, he still hasn’t chosen to be with her. He is with Sophia; perfect, smart, beautiful Sophia. Amy isn’t good enough for him, just like she has known all along. All she will ever truly be to him is his nerdy, irritating partner – maybe a friend if she is lucky.

Amy allows herself five short minutes to wallow in her own self pity before she picks herself up and dusts herself off. Feeling like this over a guy isn’t something Amy has ever allowed herself to do before and she isn’t going to start now. No matter how she feels about Jake, she has to push those feelings down and trust that, just as Sophia was out there all along for Jake, the right man for her is out there somewhere, waiting for the chance to meet her.

Solemnly, she makes her way to the bathroom, ready to wash the tears from her face and finally get a chance to brush the taste of vomit from her mouth. Under the bright bathroom lights, she stares into the mirror at herself, noting the tear tracks on her skin and the puffy, redness of her cheeks, and then something off to her side catches her eye, stopping her in her tracks.

Suddenly, the thought is burning bright in the centre of her mind: when was the last time she got her period?

Dragging her eyes away from the tampons above her toilet, she fumbles for her cell phone in her pocket. She locates her calendar app and opens it, scrolling quickly through the months, back to the middle of September, the last time she had her period. It’s early December now. How could she not have noticed this until now?

Amy’s stomach twists with unease, her heart thundering in her chest as her gaze finds the box of tampons again, locking onto it and refusing to move away. For a long moment, she stands there, her body completely frozen but her mind racing. She can’t be pregnant. _Can_ _she?_

With a strangled exhale, she locates her stash of secret pregnancy tests (kept in her apartment _just in case_ of a scare) and holds three in the palm of her hand, staring down them. She remembers the unnecessary embarrassment she felt when buying them, the irrational feeling that the whole store was staring at her, judging her. Fear taking over, she closes her grasp around the pregnancy tests, squeezing the plastic between her fingers, and then, with a pitiful and long whine, she decides to take them.

It’s difficult to set the tests up with her hands shaking so much, but eventually they are all laid out in a neat, straight line on her bathroom shelve, developing as she sits on the cold tile floor, her back pressed against the walls and her teeth working on chewing her fingernails even further. The five minutes between taking the tests and waiting for her timer to go off seem like an eternity, but eventually the sound rings through her apartment, and suddenly she doesn’t even want to know, can’t even bring herself to move, so she sits there for a while longer, staring into space, counting the racing beats of her heart.

Things with Teddy were bad. _Really_ bad. He wasn’t rude or violent. The opposite, actually. He was kind and respectable and he always told her she looked beautiful first thing after waking up. But Amy wasn’t happy with him, and the thought of their lives being intertwined forever is almost too much for her (though the thought of raising a child alone is equally as terrifying and isolating).

Finally, after how long Amy isn’t sure, she clambers to her feet, feeling like she might very well throw up again as she tiptoes at a snail’s pace towards the test. And then, with a gust of sudden and unexpected bravery, she swoops in and grabs all the tests, her arm seemingly acting without the permission of her brain. She stares down at the tests, her mind taking a moment to process the result, and then her face cracks, her throat releasing a single sob as she stumbles backwards, dropping the tests. They fall to the floor as she continues to back away, until her back presses against the wall and she slides down it and onto the floor.

Two lines.

Positive.

Pregnant.

Amy is _pregnant_.

With a deflated sigh, she lets her head fall into her hands, her body shaking all over. Her apartment suddenly feels much too cold and much too empty as her world morphs in front of her eyes into something she never expected it to be. She has so many plans, and backup plans for those plans, and backup plans for those backup plans, and this is not something she has planned for. This is not something she expected. And maybe in five years she could’ve accepted this. Or maybe if she was in a loving relationship already she could’ve accepted this. Maybe in those circumstances, she could accept an accidental pregnancy, an unplanned baby, but not here. Not now. Not when so many things are left undone and unsaid.

Her life is about to change forever, and she isn’t ready for it. A new life is about to be welcomed into the world, and she isn’t ready to be responsible for it.

Cascades of fat, hot tears blurring her vision, she crawls blindly forward, locating one of the tests after fumbling for a few seconds. She holds it out in front of her, checks the result again; still two lines. She slams it down on the floor again, wipes furiously at her eyes, and somehow pulls her suddenly much-too-heavy body up, stumbling out of the bathroom and towards the sofa.

She stays there for a while, laying on her back, the tears falling down her cheeks being immediately replaced by fresh droplets in her eyes, her chest heaving as she quietly sobs. She is sad. She is scared. She is ashamed. And she is angry. So _angry_. How could they be so careless? How could they let this happen?

Finally, when her tear ducts seem to have dried out, she lets out a resigned sigh and sits up. Her face is burning, and her stomach is churning, and all she can do is stare at the wall, unsure of what her next move should be. She retrieves her cell phone from her pocket and opens her contacts, her thumb hovering over Teddy’s name, her brain telling her to call him but her heart telling her to call someone else.

She isn’t sure why she does it, why she allows herself to, but suddenly she is holding the phone to her ear, listening to the rings with bated breath. The tears are back, more welling up in her eyes which by now should be entirely impossible, especially due to how heavy and dehydrated she suddenly feels.

When he picks up the phone, the line is barely silent for a second before he says her name ( _“Amy?”_ ) and her breath catches in her throat.

“Jake,” she warbles, her voice sounding completely choked with tears. Her fist closes in a harsh grip around her blanket on her sofa, her fingers desperate to hold onto something, anything, just to ground herself.

“Amy? Are you crying?” He breathes, and his voice is filled with concern that would usually, in any other circumstance, cause her stomach to fill to the brim with fluttering butterflies. “What’s wrong?”

“I-” she begins, a long sob catching her off guard and stopping her from finishing her sentence. She isn’t sure what she wants to say anyway, isn’t sure why she’s calling him. He has a _girlfriend_. All she is to him is a dumb work partner. There isn’t any reason for her to call him right now. This isn’t his _problem_. “I need you.” She speaks in a strangled voice, barely above a whisper, her eyes squeezing tightly closed.

“Okay, yeah,” he says, and Amy hears immediate rustling in the background, the phone moving away from him for a second as he, presumably, pulls on his jacket. “Okay. Hang on, Ames. I’m on my way.”

She doesn’t reply, just allows the phone to fall out of her grasp, clattering to the floor as she feels the walls begin to close in on her. In the background, she can hear Jake’s voice calling for her over their call, desperately asking her if she is okay, but she can’t focus on it, the ringing in her ears becoming too much for her. With a few gasping breaths, she presses her hands over her ears, curling up into herself and falling onto her side, trying to drown out her own thoughts.

She isn’t sure how long she is laying there before she hears a knock on the door and then, a few seconds later, she feels hands on her arms, prying her hands away from her ears. Only then, with her ears clear of barriers, does she notice how loud and unsteady her breathing is, sounding almost as though she is drowning, or as though her lungs have each been punctured. She hears Jake’s voice, warm and reassuring but filled with animalistic worry, but even his comforting words aren’t enough to pull her out of his. She doesn’t just sound like she is drowning; she _feels_ like it too, and she’s not even sure she wants Jake to pull her ashore anymore. She’s not even sure she wants to be saved.

“Amy. Ames. Breath. Please breathe, Ames. You’re hurting yourself. Please calm down.”

Now more than ever, Amy wonders how Jake can manage to sound so panicked but so calm and in control all at the same time. She feels his hands on either side of her face, and it is enough to cause her eyes to flash open, her blurred vision clearing as she stares up at Jake. His eyes are wide and worried, but everything is so hazy and far away, and all Amy can do, as scared as she is, is count the number of exaggerated breaths he takes, following suit as best as she can.

“That’s it, Ames. You’re doing great. Keep doing that.”

His encouragement is enough to calm her instantly, and she continues taking long, exaggerated breaths past when the sobbing heaves of her chest cease and the ringing in her ears stops, as does Jake. Eventually, he kneels down in front of her on the floor, pulling her into an upright position, and there he is in front of her, holding her face between his hands and teaching her how to breathe again. When he leans forward enough for his forehead to press against hers, her body relaxes fully, and her normal breathing pattern comes back instantaneously, aside from a few rare hiccups.

Jake breathes a sigh of relief, pulling his forehead away from hers and his hands away from her cheeks slowly, as if he is sceptical of the movement.

Amy moves before she has time to properly think it over, propelling herself into his arms and pressing her head against his chest. It takes a few seconds for Jake to react, but eventually he snakes his arms around her, and she feels him squeeze her tighter than anyone has ever squeezed her before. He places his chin atop her head, and she hears him let out a relieved sigh yet again, one of his hands moving to stoke the bottom of her hair and the top of her back.

“Well done, Ames,” he says, reminding her once again of all the times he gently coached her through those breathing exercises.

“Thank you, Jake,” she mumbles into his chest, her voice hoarse and wavering. “I- thank you.” She can’t put into words how grateful she is to him right now, so she doesn’t try.

“What happened?” He murmurs. “What’s wrong?” His voice is quiet, level and calm, the way it always is when Amy reacts badly to something, though she isn’t sure she’s ever had such an extreme reaction in front of him.

She sniffles and pulls her head away to look him in the eye. His big, brown eyes are wide and filled with concern, his expression soft, and Amy trusts him so much; trusts him with anything, with _everything_. At the sight of him, sitting on the floor of her apartment, hugging her tightly and comforting her at the drop of a hat, she is overcome with a flood of emotion, and her lip wobbles, a tear falling from her eye again.

“Hey, no. No more crying.” Jake says, his tone somehow firm and soft all at once as he reaches up and brushes the tear away. “Tell me what’s wrong, Amy.”

“Jake,” she breathes, desperately wanting to back out of telling him, suddenly overcome with the desire to dig herself a hole and live the rest of her miserable life out in it. “I’m pregnant.” The words fall from her mouth for the first time ever, feeling entirely too foreign to be true.

Jake’s face seems to fall for a moment, his comforting expression faltering just slightly before he quickly rights himself, but Amy notices the way his lips part slightly into a disappointed pout and the way his eyes seem to fill with terror and… something else?

“Oh.” He says simply, and Amy can tell he is as shocked as she is (well, _almost_ ). “ _Oh_.” The word is more final now as she watches him work through the implication of the words in his head, his eyes narrowing just slightly. “And- and it’s-”

He never finishes his sentence, leaving the space open for Amy to fill, which she does after taking a deep, wobbly breath.

“Yeah. It’s- it’s Teddy’s.”

“Oh.” He says for the third time, and then he swallows thickly, his jaw clenching momentarily. “Okay.”

Amy feels her shoulders slump as she begins to cry again, unable to stop the tears from flowing as she registers how ashamed Jake is. “Oh, God.” She whines, her heart shattering into a million pieces. “You’re so mad at me.”

“What?” Jake says, his head snapping upright to look at her, his eyebrows drawing together in confusion. “Of course I’m not mad, Ames.” His face softens and he gives her a sympathetic smile. “Come here.” He opens his arms and Amy immediately falls back into them, grasping at his shirt with her fists.

“You sure?” She whispers, placing her cheek on his chest and taking an unsteady breath.

“Ames, I’m sure,” he replies, a quiet chuckle resonating through the air. “I’m not mad at you. And… listen, whatever you decide, I’ll be here for you. You don’t have to, you know, _have_ the baby if you don’t want to. It’s your body.” He pauses to give her shoulder a reassuring squeeze, and she burrows impossibly closer to her. “But if you do decide to go through with the, um- the pregnancy, I’ll be here for you then, too.”

Amy relaxes slightly, glancing up at him. “You will?” She asks, her voice unsure and slightly untrusting.

“Of course.” Jake smiles softly. “We’re partners.” He pauses. “And you don’t have to decide what you want to do right now, but just know you’ll have my support either way.”

Amy feels a small smile tugging at her lips despite the circumstances and she backs out of his hug to look at him properly, the tiny smile spreading across her face.

“There it is,” Jake chuckles. “There’s that famous Amy Santiago smile.”

Amy’s giggle is thick with tears as it rings through the apartment, and she sighs, flopping back onto the sofa. Jake follows her action a moment later, his own sigh slipping from his lips as he settles down beside her.

“Does- does Teddy know yet?” Jake spits Teddy’s name as though it is venomous, and Amy tries not to think into it too much.

She shakes her head, her stomach twisting unpleasantly as she remembers the fact that, whether she likes it or not, Teddy does come into the equation and she has to include him in her plans. “No,” she replies simply.

“Are you gonna tell him?” Jake asks.

“Yeah. Just don’t know when. Or- or _how_.” Amy says the words quietly, numbly, and after a few seconds she feels Jake’s hand on top of her own where it sits flat on the sofa. She looks to her side as he does, their eyes meeting, and she smiles sadly at him, feeling calmer than earlier but not even slightly less devastated.

“Listen, Amy,” he says, diverting his gaze down to where their hands are touching but not retracting his, “if it’s alright with you, I, uh- I think I should stay here… tonight?” Jake looks back up at her and Amy gives him a questioning look, unsure of what he is suggesting and why he is suggesting it. “It’s just that- well, you were pretty upset earlier. I almost called an ambulance, and I don’t want that to happen again during the night, when you’re alone.”

“Jake,” Amy whispers, forcing a smile. “I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about me, okay?” Her stubborn streak makes her want to refuse his offer so desperately. Makes her want to find her way on her own.

Jake shakes his head, and his eyes are intense when he looks back at Amy. “N-no. Ames. I-” he pauses, closing his eyes and taking a long, steady breath, as though attempting to calm himself. “I can’t just _not_ worry. You’re- you’re my friend and…” his eyes flash open and he gives her a wide-eyed, pleading look, “please just let me sleep on the sofa. Just for tonight.”

“What about Sophia?” Amy murmurs, focusing her gaze on his hand atop hers.

“I’ll just tell her I got called in and have to work late.”

And although Amy _hates_ the idea of Jake lying to Sophia about this, hates the idea of being a secret, she allows herself tonight. Just one night to pretend that everything is okay. Just one night to feel safe and secure before everything inevitably goes to shit tomorrow. Just one night to pretend that Jake is _hers_ and _only hers_.

She curls her fingers around his hand, holding it tightly as she nods slightly. “Okay,” she agrees simply, and Jake looks like he might be about to burst into thankful tears when she collapses into him and rests her head on his chest. “Okay.”

Jake leans back and she follows him, squeezing her eyes closed and focusing on the way it feels as his chest rises and falls against her cheek. She is vaguely aware of him pulling out his phone, his arm muscles flexing as he texts someone, presumably Sophia, but she just melts further into him, and eventually his arm drapes around her shoulder and she doesn’t feel so scared anymore.

When Amy eventually drifts off to sleep, still in Jake’s arms, she has forgotten about the events of the day. About the fainting, about the throwing up, about the panic attack, about Sophia and the implications Jake staying over might have and, most comfortingly, about the foetus growing inside her stomach, threatening to ruin all of her plans and the life she has worked so hard for.

Jake’s arms feel like home, and for now, that is enough for her.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amy has her pregnancy confirmed and breaks the news to a very important person.

When Amy wakes up the next morning, for just a moment, she forgets the events of last night, and she wishes dearly she could live in that moment forever. But then, after just a few minutes of blissful ignorance, she becomes painfully aware of the rising and falling of Jake’s chest below her head, and the tired heaviness of her eyes reminds her of just how much crying she did last night.

She moves away from Jake slowly, feeling his arm flop away from where it rested on her shoulder and down onto the sofa. His lips are parted slightly in sleep, his curly hair ruffled, and he looks incredibly uncomfortable. Amy straightens her back out, wincing quietly at the crick that has formed in her neck as a result of sleeping the way she did, and then she tiptoes to the bathroom as softly as she can, careful not to wake Jake on her way.

When she enters the bathroom, the cold tiles feeling like blocks of ice against her bare feet, the three pregnancy tests lying in the centre of the floor stop her in her tracks. She swallows thickly, her eyes trained on them, unable to move or think or do anything at all other than listen to the way her heart beats violently against her ribcage.

In the end, she turns away from the bathroom and heads for the kitchen, deciding that attempting to process the information she learned last night is just too much right now.

“Amy.”

Jake’s voice makes her jump, travelling through the room before she even has a chance to realise that he is awake. She presses a hand to her chest, trying to calm her hearts incessant beating. “Jesus, Jake. You scared me.” She laughs a little breathlessly.

“Sorry,” Jake says sleepily, a sheepish smile on his face as he stretches his arms above his head. “Uh, how long have you been awake?” He is glancing around himself now, and Amy realises as her face reddens that he is wondering whether they slept on the couch beside each other.

“About ten minutes,” she tells him quietly, turning towards her kitchen shelves and reaching for the coffee. “Coffee?” She throws the word over her shoulder first, and then glances back in time to see Jake nod his head enthusiastically.

Amy gets to work making Jake a mug of coffee, and as it is brewing, she discreetly pulls out her phone and Google searches whether or not pregnant women can drink coffee. It turns out that _yes, pregnant women can drink coffee_ , in moderation at least. Amy lets out a small sigh of relief in response to the news, immediately beginning to prepare her own mug alongside Jake’s.

“So,” Jake’s voice is closer now – he is in the kitchen, “how are you feeling?” He asks the question cautiously, as if he is afraid that she will crumble before him at the reminder of her predicament.

Amy turns towards Jake, holding his mug of coffee out towards him but refusing to make eye contact. “I’m okay,” she says, watching as he leans against the doorway of the kitchen, accepting the coffee from her with strong, steady hands. “Thanks. For- for last night.” She finally dares to look up at him, her eyes meeting his soft gaze. “I don’t know what I would’ve done without you.”

“Don’t mention it,” Jake says quietly, giving her a small nod as she grabs her own mug, cradling it between her hands.

The first sip is warm and pleasant, and everything Amy could want this morning. “I should, uh, make an appointment, I guess.” She says, and notices Jake’s eyes fill with confusion, so she clarifies. “A doctor’s appointment. To confirm… _it_.”

Jake nods, lips pursed. “Have you thought about what you want to do yet?” His gaze is soft, warm, and welcoming as he takes a long sip of his coffee, and Amy takes in his dishevelled appearance, suddenly feeling much more guilty than she thought she would. She shouldn’t have called him last night. This isn’t his problem.

She shakes her head quickly. “No. I- I’m not sure yet.”

Jake gives her a reassuring smile and a nod. “That’s okay,” he tells her, and something about his voice makes Amy actually believe the words. They gaze at each other for a moment longer, Amy’s heart thudding loudly in her chest at the intimacy of the moment before Jake’s eyes seem to dart away for a moment and he smiles wistfully. “We should get ready for work.” Only then does Amy realise that he is looking at the clock.

“Oh, yeah. Of course.” She stutters out, realising that they have less than half an hour to get to work, and then she breezes past Jake to change.

Amy’s coffee is cold by the time she manages to change into a fresh pantsuit and brush her hair and teeth. When she finds Jake waiting patiently on the sofa, still in the same clothes as yesterday, she feels guilty all over again, her shoulders slumping as she pulls her shoes on and collects her purse.

“I’m sorry, Jake,” she says quietly, a lump forming in her throat as she gestures towards him. “This- this shouldn’t have been your problem. I’m sorry you didn’t get a chance to change before work or-”

Her bottom lip is quivering when Jake cuts her off. “Hey, no,” he says, his eyebrows knitting together as he stands abruptly. Amy notes the way his hands clench into fists at his sides as he shakes his head at her. “Amy, I’m _glad_ you called me.” His voice is reassuring, and he takes a few long, striding steps towards her until he is standing right in front of her. Amy can’t bring herself to look him in the eye, inside watching his Adam’s Apple bob as he swallows. “You’re my… _my best friend_. I’m here for you. Always. No matter what.”

“Jake,” Amy whispers, the lump in her throat making it difficult to keep the tears at bay as she finally meets his gaze.

“Ames, please don’t cry,” he whimpers, and Amy’s heart breaks at the sound, the way his words wobble out of his mouth and the way his body slumps in defeat. “Don’t- don’t cry. Please.” He opens his arms and she stares at him for a moment longer before falling into him.

The feeling of being held by Jake Peralta is like no other feeling in the world. It is indescribable, magical. It makes Amy feel safe, makes her feel like she doesn’t have to worry about anything. The way he winds his arms around her and hugs onto her like his life depends on it almost convinces her that everything will be okay; that Jake will _make_ everything okay.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers again, utterly embarrassed at her weakness and uselessness in this moment. After all, it’s her own fault that she is in this predicament, no one else’s (except maybe Teddy). “I’m sorry, Jake.”

Jake doesn’t reply, but she feels him bury his head into the crook of her neck, so she hugs him harder. They stand there for a while, bodies intertwined, and Amy tries not to think about Sophia or how Sophia might feel about this, because she knows that to Jake, this is nothing more than harmless, nothing more than a friend supporting a friend. He said it himself: Amy is his _best friend_ , not his _girlfriend_ , so why does she feel so completely captivated by the way his body feels pressed against hers?

When Amy finally separates from Jake, it isn’t by choice but rather as a result of Jake firmly gripping her upper arms and peeling her away from him, holding her out in front of him. Embarrassed, she diverts her gaze, desperate not to look at him if she doesn’t have to. She feels incredibly guilty for calling him, guilty for dragging him into this, guilty for asking him for help, guilty for the sake of Sophia. After all, they may be nothing more than friends to Jake, but the romantic feelings from a few months ago that caused so much confusion when she was with Teddy still linger for Amy, just under the surface, threatening to spill out every time he says something kind or does something thoughtful or gives her a bear hug like the one he has just given her a few moments ago.

“Ames, look at me,” he says, and she feels her cheeks heat up even further at the use of her nickname, a few more embarrassed tears spilling from her eyes. “Look at me.” He repeats the words and then Amy feels his hand tuck under her chin, carefully prying her face in his direction until she is forced to look at him, and she so desperately wishes the ground would swallow her up. “Everything is going to be okay.” She shakes her head indignantly and he sighs, the corners of his lips turning up into a reassuring smile. “Don’t you trust me?”

Amy takes a moment to consider his question, her mind roaming back to the times he has been there for her, the times he has stayed behind to help her with a case or supported her as her secondary. The times he has given her good advice, and the times the advice has been bad, but he still tried so it’s okay. Her mind floods with images of the night before he embarked on his undercover mission; the way his brown eyes twinkled in the moonlight and the way he smiled lopsidedly when he told her he had feelings for her. The way he invited Teddy on their road trip just a few weeks ago because he thought it would make her happy and, most recently, the way he held her while she sobbed and calmed her down after a panic attack.

Slowly, she nods her head. “I trust you,” she says, her voice cracking. “I do.”

“Then please trust that everything will be okay.” He sighs, and only now does Amy notice that his eyes are red and puffy with tears. “Please believe me, Ames.” His voice is bordering on desperate, his eyes pleading, and she hates herself for making him feel this way, hates herself for burdening him like this, but she trusts him with every ounce of herself and as much as she hates to admit it, she does believe him. She trusts him and believes him wholeheartedly.

With a sniffle and a miniscule smile, she nods once again. “Okay. I believe you.” She watches as his face morphs into a smile too, and then she glances down at her watch. “We should go.”

Jake drives to them both to work. He plays the radio as they drive, and Amy tries to relax, she really does, but all she can think about is the positive pregnancy tests lying on the bathroom floor, the life growing inside of her, the night spent in Jake’s arms despite him having a girlfriend waiting for him, and the fact that everything is about to change forever, whether Amy likes it or not.

The morning briefing is over just a few minutes after it starts, and Jake keeps glancing over at Amy worriedly, as if he thinks she might be about to spontaneously combust under all the stress. She fails to take complete, cohesive notes for the second day in a row, and she doesn’t bother to ask whether she will still be involved in the case she and Jake were given yesterday (she imagines it wouldn’t be a good idea anyway, what with her fainting just a few metres away from the victim’s body).

The roof is quiet and desolate when she uses the excuse that she needs a cigarette to escape out there, and she paces up and down for a few minutes, trying to breathe enough fresh air into her tight lungs to make her feel even remotely okay about all of this. And then, with shaking hands, she retrieves her cell phone from her pocket and selects the number for her doctor’s office.

Surprisingly, after barely managing to squeak out the admission that she thinks she might be pregnant to the receptionist, they manage to fit her in during her lunchbreak, and although she is keen to find out whether she really is expecting a baby or not, this seems almost too soon. Too _soon._ Too _much._ Too _real._ She finds herself staring out over the city of Brooklyn, taking deep, gasping breaths to calm herself as she tries to process this information.

Before long, she hears the door behind her open and footsteps padding towards her. “Amy? Everything okay?” It’s Jake’s voice, and she almost wants to scream at him to stop being so kind and helpful and just give her at least one reason not to feel guilty for dragging him into this. “Boyle said you came out here for a cigarette, but I didn’t think you would’ve, you know, since- well…”

“I’m fine,” Amy breathes out, taking one last glance at the bustling street below the precinct before she turns to Jake, painting as convincing a smile as she can onto her face. “I just made that doctor’s appointment. You know, the one I was talking about this morning?” Jake’s face relaxes in realisation. “It’s, uh, today actually. One o’clock.”

“Oh, well, I can give you a ride then!” Jake says, his face brightening slightly as he places his hands in his pockets and rocks backwards and forwards on the balls of his feet.

“Oh, no. You don’t have to do that, Jake.” Amy says, waving her hands in objection. She doesn’t want to put him out any further than she already has.

“I want to,” he retorts immediately. “I mean, I don’t have to come inside if you don’t want me to. I could just wait in the car. I’m on lunchbreak at that time anyway.”

His babbling of reasons Amy should let him drive her warms her heart a little bit, and she finds herself nodding, a light laugh escaping her lips. “Okay, Peralta. I will _allow_ you to drive me to my doctor’s appointment.” Jake rolls his eyes playfully, shaking his head slightly, and Amy finds herself laughing once again despite the circumstances. “No, but seriously. Thank you, Jake.”

Jake merely shakes his head, his lips curved into a soft smile, and heads back inside, holding the door open as an invitation for her to follow him. She does.

The few hours between then and lunch time seem to drag by, but somehow Amy still struggles to get any work done, despite having ample time. Thoughts of what might happen during the appointment race through her mind, leaving next to no space in her brain for the paperwork laid out in front of her. Not to mention her most recent conversation with Jake is niggling at her, particularly when she glances up to find him watching her (and on more than one occasion, too).

He looks concerned, more worried than she has ever seen him before, and it makes her stomach twist uncomfortably until she has to race to the bathroom and vomit violently into the bowl.

As she makes her way back to her desk after washing her face repeatedly in a desperate attempt to look fake and, well, any colour other than _green_ , she tries to wrap her mind around everything that has happened in the past twelve hours, and she just keeps coming back to _Jake_. Her heart beats uncomfortably fast when she thinks about how innocent Jake is in all of this. How appalled he would be if he knew she was thinking so deeply about this, thinking so deeply about _him_. How appalled Sophia would be.

When lunch time finally rolls around, Jake gives her a quick nod, standing up from his desk. “Say, Amy, would you care to accompany me for some food?” He says the words animatedly, waving his arms around as he glances round the room, eyeing up their colleagues for signs of suspicion.

Amy works hard not to snort at his attempt at lying, rolling her eyes. “Sure,” she says, trying to sound as casual as she can while ignoring the feeling of Charles’s eyes drilling into the side of her head.

They both scuttle off out of the bullpen. When they are safely in the elevator and the doors are closed, Amy punches Jake firmly on the arm.

“Ouch!” He cries, rubbing his bicep and giving her a shocked, open-mouthed stare. “Hey! What the hell was that for?” He crosses his arms over his chest with a huff, pouting slightly in a way that Amy picks up only because she is watching him a little too intently.

“What the hell was that?” She asks, and when Jake gives her a questioning look, she places her hands on her hips and raises her eyebrows in dismay. “Nobody speaks like that, Jake.”

“Captain Holt does,” Jake says, raising an eyebrow at her, a small, playful smile playing on his lips. By now, the elevator has stopped, and the doors open, revealing the precincts ground floor. Amy glares at Jake briefly before they both step out.

“Touché,” she mumbles, not prepared to bicker over this. Not now. Not when she is about to have her pregnancy either confirmed or denied, both options being equally as impactful and lifechanging as the other.

Either way, things will never be the same for Amy. If she isn’t pregnant, she will be left wondering where this leaves her, and her relationship – _friendship_ – with Jake will be changed forever. If she is pregnant… well, Amy isn’t sure what she’ll do. She’ll cross that bridge when – _if_ – she comes too it; though she suspects many binders will be involved.

“You know, you don’t have to do this for me,” Amy says quietly as she climbs into the passenger side of Jake’s car. She still feels slightly queasy, and she imagines the motion of the vehicle moving beneath her won’t do much to help. “I could’ve taken the bus.” Jake doesn’t reply, just gives her a knowing glance as he starts the car up, leaving Amy to sigh and massage her temples swiftly. “I’ve asked so much of you this past day. _Too much_.” She pauses. “Look, just- just promise me that if this becomes too much for you, you’ll tell me.”

Jake sighs, his eyes darting from the road to Amy momentarily. “Fine,” he says finally. “But _you_ have to promise _me_ that you’re gonna tell Captain Holt.”

“What?” Amy asks, baffled. “Why would I tell Holt?” She is trying her darndest to feign ignorance, though she is sure the slight wobble in her voice gives away her obvious nervousness around this subject. Telling Holt would confirm all of this. Moreover, it would mean her being suspended from active duty, a part of her job she just isn’t willing to part with.

“Amy,” Jake says sternly, and Amy can see the way his jaw clenches slightly. “You have to tell him. It’s not safe for you or the- the _baby_ to be out in the field.”

Amy scoffs, shaking her head. “Well, first of all, we don’t even know that I’m definitely pregnant yet.” _As if three tests could’ve been faulty._ She opens her mouth to continue the argument, but the soft, concerned look Jake hits her with causes her to reconsider. Finally, she sighs defeatedly. “Fine. _If_ I’m pregnant, I’ll tell him tomorrow.”

“Thank you,” Jake says eventually, his tone soft and sincere even though he shouldn’t have anything to be thankful for. It’s not like this is his baby that Amy has promised to protect. _She_ should be the thankful one. In the past sixteen hours, he has held her as she has cried, reassured her as she has doubted, and picked her up when she has fallen. He has gone above and beyond as a partner - _he always goes above and beyond as a partner_ – and she will never be able to fully express her immense gratitude to him.

Her whole life, growing up as the only girl in a big family, Amy has been taught never to show vulnerability in front of anyone, especially if you’re in competition with someone. Though Jake has become more of a friend to her over the last year, she is still arguably in competition with him, especially since they are two of the most talented detectives in the nine-nine. Before yesterday, Amy found it hard to show any of her human side around him, but last night has taught her that he isn’t here to judge her. Even if he is ridiculously immature and childish, Jake Peralta cares about her, and she isn’t sure what she would’ve done without him yesterday, or if she’d let her stubborn side take over (because truthfully, there is a part of Amy that still wants to push Jake away and find a way to deal with this on her own).

The ride to the doctor’s office is brief and surprisingly comfortable despite the silence. Amy is feeling somewhat relaxed and less nervous than she did a few hours ago when Jake pulls into a parking space and turns his head to look at Amy with a small, cautious smile on his face.

“So,” he says sheepishly, reaching back to rub the back of his neck the way he often does when he is feeling nervous, “do you want me to, you know, come inside with you?”

“Oh, God, no,” Amy says quickly – too quickly, she subsequently realises as she covers her mouth with her hand in shock. “S-sorry, I didn’t mean-”

Jake laughs lightly. “Amy, it’s fine. Really.” He pauses. “I understand.” Amy relaxes slightly again, smiling self-consciously as she grabs her purse from the footwell of the passenger side. “So, I guess I’ll just wait here…? Unless…?” He trails off, sounding unsure of himself.

“Jake,” Amy says softly, feeling her heart swell in her chest at his kindness. “You don’t have to wait for me. I’ll get the bus home. Really, it’s okay.”

His face falls slightly. “It’s no trouble. I can-”

“Jake.” Amy repeats, her voice still soft but with a slightly firmer edge to it this time. She doesn’t need to owe him anything else, doesn’t need him to look after her, even if his offer is wholly thoughtful and sweet.

“Right, yeah. Sorry.” Jake says, grimacing slightly. “I guess… just let me know what happens?” His eyes are filled with hopefulness as Amy cracks open her door, conscious of the fact her appointment is only ten minutes from now.

“I will. Now go. Go see Sophia. I’m sure she’s missing you.” Amy tries her hardest to sound light and breezy, tries to keep the sarcastic, bitter tone out of her voice as she says Sophia’s name, but she can feel her heart ache a little at the thought of Jake going home to her.

Jake smiles bashfully as Amy climbs out of the car. “Call me if you need anything,” he says, his voice sounding even more hopeful than his expression looks.

“I’ll be _fine_ ,” Amy replies. She rolls her eyes, but a smile is still etched onto her face.

Amy is still smiling when she glances over her shoulder halfway across the parking lot to see Jake giving her a reassuring grin and an encouraging thumbs up. She is still smiling when she enters the doctor’s office and gives the receptionist her name.

She is not, however, smiling when she is sitting at the desk in the examination room, the words _“definitely, one-hundred-percent pregnant”_ falling from her doctor’s lips and hanging heavily in the air around Amy like a cloud of stubborn smoke.

Amy’s breath falters, her hopeful smile fading into a grimace. “And you’re definitely sure?” She asks, her lungs feeling like they aren’t taking in enough air as she suddenly wishes she’d let Jake accompany her to the appointment.

She doesn’t even know why she’s so shocked. She’d known she was pregnant. She has known for almost a full day. Yet this feels all too real, like having proof of the matter changes the life inside of her from a hypothetical baby to a living, breathing one. _A real baby. Inside her. Right now_.

Doctor Lopez smiles sympathetically, leaning forward a fraction of an inch more. “Not what you were hoping for?” She asks, her voice gentle and calming enough to relax Amy fractionally.

“Uh, no,” Amy says, her voice hoarse. She suddenly realises how dry her mouth and throat is and she reaches for the plastic cup of water on the desk, taking a sip and trying to ignore the nagging thought that disposable plastics aren’t good for the environment and _why the hell did she agree to using this stupid cup?_

“That’s okay, honey. There are plenty of options that we can discuss. You could consider-”

Amy stops listening after that, an action she’s sure to feel embarrassed about later, but right now she couldn’t care less, can’t focus enough to give a hoot. She thinks about what it might be like to be a mother. It’s something she’s always wanted, something she’s assumed would be a natural progression in whatever relationship she decides to settle down in, but it’s not something she ever would’ve expected or, as a matter of fact, _wanted_ for herself now. But still, there’s a nagging feeling that she can’t shake off, a wondering about who this kid might grow up to be, what they might be like. She feels strongly about the power of choice, always has done, and if she’d fallen pregnant a matter of months ago, she is quite sure she would’ve immediately chosen to terminate the pregnancy. But right here, right now, she is hesitating, and she just can’t bring herself to do something so drastic, so final, when she isn’t even sure it’s what she truly wants.

“I want to continue with the pregnancy,” she blurts, only vaguely aware of the fact that she is interrupting Doctor Lopez, who looks slightly taken aback. Upon realising this, Amy turns a shade of bright pink, her cheeks heating up in embarrassment. “Sorry,” she mumbles. “I just- I want to continue with the pregnancy.”

Doctor Lopez smiles warmly. “If that’s what you want, Amy, then I support you.”

Amy finds herself smiling back as she fiddles with the hem of her pants. “I- yes. I think that’s what I want.” She pauses, turning the thought over and over in her mind, and then nods slowly in confirmation. “Adoption is, uh- it’s still on the table. I, um- I don’t know yet.”

“You don’t have to decide right now,” the doctor says reassuringly, still giving Amy a soft smile. She reaches across the table with her own hand, finding Amy’s and giving it a gentle squeeze, which makes a kind of thankful warmness spread across Amy’s chest. “Now, let’s talk about your first trimester.”

Amy leaves the doctor’s office with a purse stacked to the brim with pamphlets, a prescription for prenatal vitamins and a stomach full of butterflies.

As she waits for the bus to arrive, she pulls out her phone. Her head is spinning as she hovers her thumb over Jake’s name, wondering whether to call him for a few moments before she exits out of his contact and into another.

A pit of dread swirls in her stomach as she types out the text and finally, begrudgingly clicks send.

**To: Teddy Wells (3:05pm)**  
**We need to talk.**

By the time she takes a seat on the bus, trying not to think about the pamphlets and prescription and what they mean for her life, a notification from Teddy has lit up her phone screen. She ignores it, pushes it to the back of her mind for the duration of the bus journey home, instead choosing to stare out of the window as the city rolls by outside. But finally, as she shuffles through the door of her apartment and collapses onto the sofa with a sigh, she is forced to acknowledge the text.

**From: Teddy Wells (3:09pm)**  
**Okay. When and where?**

Amy sighs, pursing her lips. He is so quick to agree, so eager to please, and at the back of her mind she is pretty sure that he thinks this is a _‘let’s get back together’_ text, or at the very least, a booty call. On top of that, as soon as she tells him, things are locked into place. Decisions made around the baby aren’t just hers to make anymore because, after all, Teddy is their father. He has a right to be involved, or at least have the choice to.

**To: Teddy Wells (4:03pm)**  
**Now? My place?**

As she sends the text and watches a thumbs up emoji pop up on her screen almost immediately after, Amy considers, for the first time since finding out she is pregnant, the fact that Teddy might not want to be involved at all. He might not be ready, he might not want to be a father yet, and Amy isn’t sure how she feels about that idea. The thought of going through a pregnancy and potentially raising a child completely alone is not something she ever thought she’d have to do, but she can’t force Teddy to be there, especially after their breakup.

Amy is strong, she knows that about herself. And, if she has to, she _can_ do this alone. She will.

With a deflated sigh, she wanders towards the kitchen and begins to make herself a cup of coffee, massaging her stiff neck as she goes. While she waits for her coffee to brew, leaning against the kitchen countertop, she pulls her phone out and opens her text chain with Jake.

She writes, deletes, and then rewrites her text at least ten times before Jake starts typing. With a small smile, she waits for him to send his message, and by the time he finally does, she is back on the sofa, cradling her mug of coffee.

**From: Jake Peralta (4:15pm)**  
**hey, how did it go?**

Amy shakes her head at his use of all lowercase letters but finds herself smiling into her coffee as she takes a sip. Jake is about as skilled at grammar as a pre-schooler, but for some reason, it’s somewhat endearing. Amy finds pretty much everything he does endearing, actually.

**To: Jake Peralta (4:17pm)**  
**It went fine. I’m definitely pregnant though.**

She tucks her phone away, not wanting to see his response, and reaches for her purse. She pulls out the first few pamphlets her fingers come into contact with, crossing her legs under her as she stares at them numbly.

At seven weeks pregnant, her baby is currently about the size of raspberry.

She swallows thickly, feeling completely disconnected but entirely too connected at the same time, and finds her hand travelling to her stomach. Her hand hovers there for a moment, a few centimetres away from her body, and then, very slowly, she lets her fingertips come into contact with her stomach, eventually laying her palm flat against it. It’s completely, mind-blowingly unbelievable. Entirely unfathomable. Amy isn’t sure she’ll ever be able to wrap her head around it.

The sound of a knock on the door makes Amy jump. Until right this second, she’d almost completely forgotten that she’d invited Teddy over, and now she wishes she hadn’t. In one swift movement, she stuffs the pamphlets back into her purse, jumping to her feel. Her heart is in her throat as she rushes towards the door, and she takes a deep breath to steady herself before unlocking it and swinging it open.

Teddy looks nervous, the corners of his lips turned up into a sheepish smile and his eyebrows knitted together in gentle concern. Amy paints a smile onto her face, waving awkwardly ( _why did you do that, Amy?_ ).

“Hey,” Amy says uncomfortably. She feels tiny, like a bug about to be crushed under a boot, and she has to remind herself to breath as she stands in the doorway of her apartment.

“Hey, Ames,” Teddy replies. His voice is soft and, as much as Amy hates to admit it, somewhat comforting after such a rollercoaster of a day. Memories of Teddy helping her unwind on the sofa after a long day with a glass of wine and a foot massage come flooding back to her, and it suddenly registers how completely alone she is.

“Uh,” she mutters, stepping out of the way and reaching up to push her hair out her face. Her eyes are trained on the floor before her, unwilling to look back at the hopefulness is his eyes again. “Come in.” She steps out of the way, gestures into the apartment, and watches as he steps by her, noting the bottle of red wine in his hands. “Just, uh- take a seat.”

Amy turns around in time to see Teddy follow her instructions, perching on the edge of her sofa, his hands resting on his thighs after placing the bottle of wine down on the coffee table. The same warm smile is still present on his face, and Amy hates that she has to do this, so much so that she definitely considers backing out of it before taking her seat beside him on the sofa.

“Amy, can I just say how glad I am that you texted me?” Teddy begins almost immediately, reaching across the sofa to take her hand in his larger, warmer one. She doesn’t have the heart to protest, so she lets him hold her hand, keeping hers limp against the softness of the sofa. “I’ve been wanting to talk through things with you since, well, you know.”

Amy swallows, nodding and allowing her eyes to meet Teddy’s as she forces another smile. “Yeah. I- I actually, well, I have something to- to tell you.” She stutters, almost unable to form words at all.

“Do you mind if I use your bathroom first?” Teddy asks quickly, and Amy tries to control her frustration as she nods her head, leaning backwards. Teddy flashes her a wider grin as he disconnects his hand from hers and stands. “Thanks.”

He leaves the room, heading for the bathroom, and Amy sighs, flopping backwards. She retrieves her cell phone from her purse and finally reads Jake’s text.

**From: Jake Peralta (4:25pm)**  
**its ok ames. everything will be fine, ill make sure of it, ok? do u want me to come over?**

Amy feels herself smiling when Teddy calls her name, too distracted to hear the faint worry in his voice. “Yeah?” She calls back absentmindedly, her eyes still trained on Jake’s text, rereading his words over and over again in her mind and savouring the warmth the simple action makes her feel inside. “What is it?”

“Are- Amy, are you _pregnant_?”

Amy’s heart drops and she almost forgets how to breath, shooting to her feet and letting her cell phone fall to the sofa below her. Shit. She left the tests lying on the bathroom floor and Teddy must’ve noticed them (how could you miss them, right there in the centre of the room?). She clutches at her hair, grimacing at the way her heart hammers against her sternum.

“Shit, Teddy. You weren’t-” she trails off as Teddy enters the room, his face drained of colour and a sickly white colour. “You weren’t supposed to see those. I- shit.” She sighs, sitting back down and holding her face in her hands, trying to think of what she can possibly say. Everything is going wrong and she has completely lost control.

“You’re pregnant?”

“I- yeah, I am.”

“Is- is it _mine_?”

Amy huffs out a breath before slowly lifting her head from hands to look at Teddy. He is still standing in the same place, clutching the three positive tests in his fist, and staring at her with wide, terrified eyes. For a second, before she answers, she is worried he might actually pass out. “Yes,” she croaks, her voice barely above a whisper. “It’s yours.”

“Shit.” Teddy says quietly. “Shit, Amy. Fuck.” His voice wobbles, his already lifeless skin changing to a shade of sickly green. He approaches her slowly, calmly, and perches on the edge of the sofa with her. “What the- _shit,_ Amy.”

“I know, okay? _I know._ ” She snaps, sounding more annoyed than she means to as she glances at her ex-boyfriend. “I don’t know how to hell we let this happen, but we did. It’s real. It’s… this is happening, and I thought- I thought you should know about it.”

“When- how long have you known?” Teddy asks, still not looking at Amy. She feels a lump forming in her throat, the pit of dread in her stomach growing deeper and deeper by the second.

“Since last night.” She pauses, trying desperately to wet her dry mouth as she tries to think of what to say. Eventually, she settles on, “I’m keeping it. I mean, I’m continuing with the pregnancy.” All she wants to do is call Jake. If she could call Jake, everything happening right now might feel even a little better.

“You’re _what?”_ Teddy asks, finally twisting his body to look at her with wide eyes. He looks utterly terrified, similar to the way she imagines she must’ve looked to Jake last night. “What- how- we’re not even together, Amy.”

Amy shrugs slightly, chewing on the dry skin of her bottom lip. “Plenty of people co-parent without being in a relationship,” she says, her voice very quiet. “I haven’t ruled out adoption yet. I just- I know that I don’t want to terminate the pregnancy.” Her voice grows firmer, more final.

“Amy.” Teddy whines pitifully, wringing his shaky hands together. “This isn’t- this isn’t what I want. I don’t- I’m not ready to be a father. Not when we’re broken up.” Amy wants to tell him that he doesn’t have to be involved. That she isn’t forcing anything on him. That she can do this alone. But Teddy’s face hardens suddenly, his jaw clenching and his eyes becoming steely. “This isn’t just your decision to make.” His voice is harder, firmer than it was before.

“Teddy-”

“I can’t do this, Amy.” Teddy shoots to his feet and Amy feels like she might throw up. “I can’t.” He makes a gesture with his hands, his hands which have steadied with confidence in the last few moments. “If you’re ready to talk about getting back together, call me. If not then-” he sighs, shaking his head, “I can’t. I’m sorry.”

He leaves after that, and Amy doesn’t try to stop him. Inside, she watches him leave, feelings the lump in her throat dissolve into hot tears streaming down her face, leaving tear tracks down her cheeks. She hears the door close, listens to Teddy’s footsteps as he runs down the stairs, registers the fact that he never turns around, and tries to process the idea of doing this alone. Just an hour ago, she’d been convinced she’d be okay on her own, but now it seems entirely impossible.

This isn’t how her life was supposed to turn out.

Eventually, after God knows how long, she reaches for her cell phone. She types a long text to Jake, and then she promptly deletes it all. This isn’t his problem and she has to get it into her stupid head. She can’t ask any more of him, can’t steal him away from Sophia. It’s not fair. Not fair on him, not fair on his girlfriend, not fair on their relationship, which she’s sure is a very healthy, happy one.

**To: Jake Peralta (4:57pm)**  
**I'm fine but thanks, Jake. See you tomorrow.**

She sends the text, adds a smiley face on the end, and then she dissolves into a pool of her own tears.

Amy doesn’t stop crying for a long while after that.

She drives herself to work the next morning in a weary-eyed, sleep deprived haze. Only when she parks outside of the precinct does she realise she doesn’t remember the drive here, though she doesn’t suppose it matters because she made it here none the less, and with twenty-five minutes to spare as well. Even now, in this moment, she can’t help but feel a little bit proud of herself. Her time management skills are impeccable, even in times of crisis.

When she makes it to her desk, the quiet bustle of the night staff vacating the bullpen surrounding her, she suddenly remembers her promise to Jake that she would tell Captain Holt. With a glance in the direction of Holt’s office, Amy sighs and collapses into her chair. God, what would he think of her? Would he be disgusted by her apparent lack of responsibility? Or would he just feel pity towards her? Both options are as bad as each other, Amy decides. Almost equally as awful as the thought of being metaphorically chained to her desk for the next almost-eight-months while her stomach expands with the weight of a tiny human being.

Charles asks her about her night upon arriving and leaves her with tupperware full of leftovers. She smiles convincingly and tells him it was fine, biting her tongue to avoid telling him about her ex-boyfriend refusing to be a part of her pregnancy or their baby’s life.

Rosa doesn’t acknowledge her. She is secretly thankful.

Gina makes a comment about her ‘dull pantsuit’ and she can’t even find the energy to roll her eyes or argue the matter (the pantsuit _is_ pretty dull).

Terry shows her ten photos of Cagney and Lacey. She somehow finds the strength to smile and wave.

When Jake finally enters the bullpen ten minutes late, Amy practically crumbles in relief. His eyes search the room, immediately landing on her, and a soft smile graces his feature. It’s the kind of smile that makes his eyes light up and has Amy practically melting all over the precinct floor.

He shuffles over to their shared desk, mumbling a quiet, unusually uninterested greeting to Charles when he calls out his name excitedly, and finally makes it to Amy, who is waiting with baited breath, pretending to be focused on the pencil in her hand.

“Hey,” he says quietly when he finally reaches her, shrugging off his leather jacket. Amy glances up just in time to watch the way it falls from his shoulders and into his grasp. He hangs it on the back of his chair and hurriedly sits down.

“Oh, hi,” Amy says, a weak smile on her face. She continues to fiddle with the pencil in her hand, determined for Jake not to notice her puffy, tired eyes. Her eyes meet his and he narrows his gaze for a second, studying her before finally focusing back on her eyes.

He leans forward in his seat slightly. “Are you okay?” He breathes, obviously in reference to yesterday. His brown eyes are gentle, his face showing clear concern. He glances around them quickly, trying to make sure no one is looking, and then he looks back at Amy, offering her a reassuring smile.

“I’m okay,” she says, pausing to swallow thickly. “Just… I don’t know.” She doesn’t bother to elaborate, knowing that he will understand. He is watching her intently for signs of distress and she is desperate not to show any.

Jake nods in understanding, gives her a friendly wink and a reassuring smile, and then begins to set up his computer.

Amy keeps her eyes on him long after he looks away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, kudos and comments are very appreciated and i always love to see them! thanks for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amy tells Captain Holt and Jake reacts less than positively to Teddy’s way of coping with Amy’s pregnancy.

Amy sighs as she rakes through the files in one of the boxes in front of her. It really is time that the evidence lockup be reorganised, she decides as she searches through the hoard of files in search of one particular case. She is _supposed_ to be writing up all her arrests for this month, but she can’t without this file, and trust Jake to have put it away wrong as soon as they completed the paperwork.

Vaguely, she registers the door of the evidence room opening and then falling closed, but she doesn’t think twice about it (people come in and out of here all the time) until she hears Jake’s voice a few metres behind her. “Ames.” His voice is soft and has her relaxing on the spot. “Hey.”

She turns around to look at him. He stands before her, a bashful smile on his face and a gentle twinkle of hope in his eyes that has Amy smiling slightly despite herself. “Hey,” she says quietly, crossing her hands behind her back so she can fiddle with her fingernails nervously.

“So,” he says, rolling backwards and forwards on the balls of his feet, “the, uh- the appointment.” He says nothing else, his eyes darting around the room uncomfortably before landing back on hers, his face softening instantly.

“Yeah,” Amy replies sheepishly, her blood running cold at the reminder. She keeps forgetting, and when she does, it is bliss. But then, like just now, she is reminded by something or someone, and she feels like she is about to fall apart again every single time.

“Do you-” Jake begins, then shakes his head slowly. He opens his arms slightly, his face stretching into a grin as he takes a few steps towards her. “Can I give you a hug?” His question floods Amy’s brain until it is all she can focus on, and the only thing she can do is nod rapidly and fall into his arms, hoping desperately that the lump in her throat doesn’t dissolve into a flood of tears.

Jake’s arms feel like a warm blanket wrapped around her body, shielding her from the world and everything going on in it. She buries her face in his chest, breathes in his smell, and soaks the feeling up, wishing she could stay here forever, kept safe in his tight embrace.

His hands begin on the small of her back before one trails upwards to stroke her hair. His lips hand on the top of her head to plant one long kiss, and she knows she should question it, knows she should consider the ramifications, but she doesn’t have the energy and, honestly, she doesn’t want to. She is content with whatever they have going on right now, even if she does feel guilty about it.

“It’s okay, Ames,” he whispers into her hair, sending a shiver down her spine. Slowly, she separates her body from his, leaning away from him so they she can look him in the eye but remaining close enough so they could still touch if they wanted to. He gives her a sympathetic smile, knitting her eyebrows together in concern. “How are you doing?”

Amy sighs quietly. “I’m okay,” she says with a nod. She considers telling Jake about Teddy, but quickly decides this is not the time or place to have that conversation. She suspects Jake’s reaction will be less than positive. “I’ve decided to continue with the pregnancy.”

Jake’s eyes widen, and Amy can see that he is chewing on the inside of his cheek by the way his lips purse. “Really? Wow. That’s a big step, Ames.” He sounds surprised, but not upset.

“I guess it is,” she replies, a small smile on her face. “I’m considering adoption but… I guess I’m not sure yet.” _She has absolutely no idea what she wants to do, and it is terrifying_ , but Jake doesn’t have to know that. Jake nods, looking down at the floor for a moment in a way that tells Amy he is thinking intently about how to say something. She laughs slightly. “Spit it out, Peralta.”

He laughs breathily, looking back up to meet her gaze. “It’s just,” he pauses to sigh, looking somewhat nervous and stirring a pool of anxiety in Amy’s stomach, “well, you- are you gonna tell Holt, like, _today_?”

Amy feels her throat dry up as she fumbles over what to say, eventually settling for just, “Jake.” Ever since she stepped inside the precinct this morning, she has been thinking on and off about how she might have to tell Holt soon, but she didn’t expect Jake to remember the promise she made him quite so promptly, and she isn’t _ready._

“Nuh-uh, no backing out, Ames. You promised.” Jake says sternly, tilting his head to the side and raising his eyebrows. His fingertips brush against her upper arm and she is left shuddering and crossing her arms over her chest defensively.

“I’m only seven weeks along. I don’t have to tell him yet. I mean honestly I think it would be better if I waited-”

“Ames. Don’t make me march your ass into his office.”

“As if you could.”

Amy sighs, secretly resigned to the fact that Jake is right. As much as she wants to bury the news of her pregnancy deep underground and never tell anyone, people are going to start finding out, and Jake was right yesterday; active duty isn’t safe for the baby.

“Fine,” she says apprehensively, narrowing her eyes at him meanly which causes him to chuckle. He looks relieved, but Amy is sure that even if she’d refused to tell their captain, Jake would’ve put up a fight until she’d finally agreed. “I’ll tell him.” She pauses to sigh and perch her bottom on the edge of the stacks of boxes behind her. “I just don’t know what to say to him.”

Jake sighs and shuffles backwards a little bit to lean against the wall, crossing his arms over his chest. “I don’t know either,” he admits with a small shrug. “But how difficult can it be? I mean, just tell him how you told me.”

“Jake,” Amy says, rolling her eyes exasperatedly. “I almost had a _heart attack_ telling you.”

“Oh. True, true, true.” He says quietly. Amy laughs, shaking her head. Jake chuckles slightly, his eyes lighting up as he does. “Okay, don’t do that again, but you know what I mean. It doesn’t have to be difficult. Just… _say it_.”

“It’s easier said than done, Jake.” Amy whispers, running a hand through her hair. “I feel like I’m just gonna freeze up as soon as I try to talk to him.”

“Well, I could come with you,” Jake offers, and Amy feels her eyes widen as she shakes her head rapidly. Jake’s face screws up in confusion for a moment before he nods knowingly, biting his bottom lip overdramatically. “ _Ohhhh_ , okay. Let’s not do that.”

“The last thing I need is Captain Holt thinking you knocked me up,” Amy says with a sigh and a trademark roll of her eyes.

“You sound so disgusted!” Jake says, pretending to be offended by pressing his hand to his chest but Amy can see the smile in his eyes even though his mouth is gaping open. “I’ll have you know my sperm make beautiful babies. I _think_. I don’t know yet.”

Amy wrinkles her nose up in disgust. “Don’t say sperm.” She stands up to leave the evidence locker, ready for the conversation with Holt to be over already.

“What? Why?” Jake calls, following closely behind her, and she feels a smile creep onto her face as she heads for Captain Holt’s office.

When Amy reaches the door to Captain Holt’s office, her stomach begins to churn with nerves. She glances over her shoulder to see Jake giving her a subtle but reassuring thumbs up from their shared desk where he is watching her intently. She offers him a smile, or rather a grimace, in return, and knocks on Holt’s door.

After hearing Holt tell her to enter, Amy slowly pushes the door open and peeks around it. Holt is sitting at his desk with his reading glasses on, paperwork neatly laid out in front of him. He glances up at the door as it eases open, his eyes meeting Amy’s.

“Ah, Detective Santiago. Come in.”

Amy smiles sheepishly and pushes the door the rest of the way open. She takes a few shuffling steps inside, briefly considering making a run for it before she resigns herself to the situation and closes the door. The last thing she sees before the door swings closed is Jake gazing intently at her.

“Take a seat.” Holt says, his voice as monotonous as always as he gestures at the chair on Amy’s side of the desk. Amy flashes him as convincing a grin as she can and quickly takes a seat, crossing one leg over the other so she can fiddle with the hem of her pantleg under the table. “Is there something I can help you with?”

“Um, well, there’s actually- there’s something I have to tell you,” Amy says slowly, trying to work out the best way to break the news to him. Her tongue darts out to wet her suddenly much too dry lips as she works on chewing her inner cheek, diverting her gaze from Holt’s momentarily.

“Go ahead.” He says the words calmly, but Amy can sense a hint of caution in his tone.

“I- well- I’m pregnant.”

As soon as she says the words, she wishes she could take them back. She slowly drags her gaze back to Holt’s to inspect the damage, her eyebrows drawn together in worry and her cheeks reddening in complete embarrassment. His expression is as frustrating unreadable as it always is, but for some reason it angers Amy much more today than it ever has before.

“Oh.” Holt says, similarly to the way Jake reacted. His eyebrows shoot up to his hairline in surprise, and Amy wishes the ground would open up and swallow her whole. Captain Holt quickly composes himself, clearing his throat. “Well, congratulations, Detective Santiago. I’m sure you’ll make a fine mother.”

“Thank you, sir,” she rasps, not bothering to ramble on about the potential option of adoption. This is her _captain_ , and this conversation is already uncomfortable enough, never mind making it more personal and unprofessional.

Captain Holt nods once in acknowledgement. He opens his mouth, looks as if he wants to say something, and Amy silently begs him not to. Slowly, he closes his mouth and sighs, before finally speaking. “Well, I’ll arrange a meeting with Human Resources, and we can discuss your maternity leave arrangements then. Of course, as soon as I submit the paperwork you will be suspended from active duty until you return from maternity leave.”

Amy takes a deep breath, and then nods in understanding. As much as she wants someone to blame for her lack of ability to participate in active duty, Holt isn’t that person. The only people to blame for this are herself and, of course, Teddy, but she doesn’t want to think about him right now.

“I understand. Thank you, sir.”

Amy stands up abruptly and scuttles towards the door. She is about to open the door when Holt begins to talk again.

“Amy,” Holt says. Amy freezes, registering the unusual use of her first name, and then she turns on her heel to face him. “Should you need anything, please do not hesitate to come to me. Kevin and I would be more than happy to help.”

Amy smiles slightly, though she desperately wants to jump up and down at the approval she has seemingly gained from her superior officer. “Thank you, sir,” she squeaks, and then she leaves the office.

She heads straight for the roof, her heart hammering against her chest. Jake’s head shoots up to look at her and she gives him a meaningful look as she passes him.

She is alone outside for less than ten seconds when the door opens, and Jake appears beside her. “So, how was it?” Jake asks nervously, a manic look on his face.

“I think it went… well?” Amy says, questioning her own memory and perception of the event.

Jake’s face lights up. “Hey! Go, you!” He holds his hand up for a high five, and Amy obliges with a small laugh.

“I mean, I’m suspended from active duty, but I guess I knew that would happen.” Amy sighs, crossing her arms over her chest. The fact stings, but not as badly as she expected it to. She feels resigned to the idea now, though she suspects she may have to be handcuffed to her desk to keep her there.

“I’ll miss you out there,” Jake says with a frown. “But you know what? You can just do all my paperwork for me, so it works out for both of us.”

“I do love paperwork,” Amy admits with a small smile as she tilts her head to the side in thought. _How is it that Jake can make her see the positive in every single situation, even this one?_

“I know you do,” Jake says affectionately.

They stand there for a moment, staring into each other’s eyes and smiling slightly, as if in a trance until Amy suddenly snaps out of it, straightening her back out. Jake clears his throat, looking away quickly, and Amy tries not to think about what just happened and what it meant.

“Uh, we should- we should go back inside,” Amy says slowly, pointing at the door.

Jake nods as he sucks in a deep breath. “Yeah,” Jake says. Amy begins to walk towards the door, but he stops her with a gentle hand on her upper arm, and she looks up to see him chewing on his lower lip. “Hey, I was thinking- well, wondering- uh, would you want to get some takeout and watch a movie tonight? With, uh- with me?”

Amy screws her face up in confusion. “What about Sophia?” She asks quietly, silently hoping that she is out of the picture and hating herself for it.

“She’s working late,” Jake says brightly, and then he shrugs and, more sheepishly, says, “and anyways, I kind of wanna, I don’t know- spend some time with you?”

Amy tries to maintain a calm composure even though she feels like her heart is in her throat. “Oh. Okay. Sure. I’d like that.”

“Great.” Jake says, his eyes lighting up with happiness as a grin takes over his face. “Your place?”

“Works for me.” Amy says, giving him one last smile before she heads back inside and tries not to think about Jake’s proposal for the rest of the day.

_He’s just a friend. He’s just a friend. He’s just a friend._

_He has a girlfriend. He has a girlfriend. He has a girlfriend._

She is repeating the lines over and over again even as Jake enters her apartment with a plastic bag full of Polish takeout and a tray of drinks in his hands. Amy watches as he heads towards the kitchen with the food and has to remind herself once again that this is just a casual hangout between friends. And anyways, he’s probably just doing this to make her feel better. Because he feels bad for her. Because she’s _pregnant_.

She wants to feel thankful for the way two-out-of-three of the people she has told so far have reacted. Jake has been nothing but supportive and Captain Holt seemed to want the best for her. Teddy’s reaction wasn’t what she had hoped for but with other people there to support her it doesn’t feel as big a deal. She wants to focus on the positives, but all she can do is wish she weren’t pregnant and wonder why Jake has to be such a good guy and continue to make her feelings grow for him day after day.

Jake steps out of her kitchen after a few moments, cradling a takeout cup which he holds out towards her. “Hot chocolate,” he explains with a small smile.

Amy finds herself smiling back, her stomach filling to the brim with restless butterflies. “My favourite,” she says excitedly as she accepts the paper cup. “Thanks, Jake.”

“No need,” he replies simply, and then he heads back through to the kitchen, leaving Amy to take a long, pleasant sip of her hot chocolate before following closely behind him.

She finds him pulling takeout trays out of the plastic bag and placing them down on her countertops. He is intently focused on the task before him, babbling about the long line at the Polish place, when Amy blurts out something that she wasn’t expecting to say yet.

“So, I told teddy last night.”

The words hang in the air like fog, an uncomfortable silence falling over them, and Amy curses herself in her head. She doesn’t know why she says it, doesn’t know why her tongue sometimes acts without her brain’s permission, but it’s out there now, consequences be damned.

“You did?” Jake asks, his head snapping up to look at her as his voice fills the silence, and if Amy didn’t know better, she’d say there is a hint of distaste in his expression. “How did it go? What did he say?” He has abandoned the takeout on the countertop, seemingly entirely uninterested in it now as he twists his body to face Amy fully.

Amy winces, suddenly wishing yet again that she hadn’t brought this up. “He didn’t take it well,” she says, hopeful that Jake will drop the subject, though something tells her he isn’t going to.

“How so?” His arms are crossed over his chest now, his eyebrows knitted together. His gaze is piercing, causing Amy to look away, look at anything other than him.

“He kind of- I don’t know- I guess he just doesn’t want to be involved,” she says slowly, aware that the way she says the words could have an affect on how Jake takes this news. “I don’t know. I guess he’s just not ready.”

“Screw that, Amy.” Jake says suddenly, his voice wobbling slightly. When Amy looks back at him, his eyes are burning with anger. “What did he say to you?”

“I think he wants me to terminate the pregnancy,” she admits with a sigh. “I think it’s because we broke up. I don’t think he’d be reacting this way if we were still together.” She wonders what life would be like if she and Teddy had never broken up, if he were here now instead of Jake. The thought is somewhat pleasant, not for the fact that Jake is absent but for the security a steady relationship would bring right now. “This is kind of my fault. You know, for not keeping track of the protection we were using.”

Jake scoffs, balling his hands into fists at his sides. “It takes two to tango, Amy.” His voice is firm but emotional, and Amy thinks this might be the angriest she has ever seen him as she watches his jaw lock firmly.

“You’re right,” she says calmly, and then, “but it’s okay.”

“No, it’s not.” Jake says firmly, pressing his lips into a firm line of frustration. “It’s not okay, Ames. He should be supporting you. This is just as much his baby as it is yours.” Amy doesn’t reply, unable to focus on anything other than the way Jake’s fists are shaking with anger and the way her stomach drops at the mention of the baby. “ _God_. I mean, what the fuck, Amy?”

“I’m sorry,” Amy manages quietly, her bottom lip beginning to wobble. She is quite sure she’s cried more in the last 48 hours than she has in the last five years; must be the hormones. The _baby_ hormones.

“Hey, no. Don’t apologise.” Jake’s face instantly softens at her words and he takes a step towards her. “I’m sorry if I upset you.” He sighs, rubbing his forehead with his still trembling hand. “I just- I hate that guy. So much.”

Amy nods. “I know,” she says simply.

“He was never good enough for you.”

The words hit Amy square in the chest like a brick, and she is left trying to remember how to breathe again.

“I don’t know what to do, Jake,” she whimpers, feeling vulnerable all over again after building herself back up all day. “I’m scared. I’m so scared. I can’t believe this is happening.” _I wish this weren’t happening. This isn’t supposed to be happening._

“I know, Ames,” Jake says softly, and his voice is so filled with pain it feels like Amy’s feelings are being transferred over to him. His hand comes up to rest on her upper arm and even the gentle touch is somewhat reassuring, somehow succeeding in making her feel better. Just a little bit, but she’ll take it. “Come on, let’s eat.”

Amy allows Jake to guide her towards the sofa, stumbling over her own feet. She is exhausted and worn out, and she wishes she could just forget about all of this for long enough to relax or sleep for more than a few moments. Jake’s arm round her shoulder is like a gentle reminder that things can be good again, but it barely pierces the surface of her immense worry and stress.

Finally though, they end up side by side on the sofa, and Amy’s heart is swelling at the fact that Jake remembered her favourite order without having to ask her, and the warmth of his body radiating onto hers is making her feel all cosy and peaceful. And for just tonight, things can be normal, because Jake is trying to put Die Hard on the television and Amy is rolling her eyes and hitting him playfully with pillows, suggesting good documentaries till he eventually gives in and picks a comedy as a compromise. And now they are laughing until their bellies hurt and their food is long since forgotten and Amy’s head is on Jake’s shoulder and she feels okay. She feels _good_.

But then the doorbell has to ring and bring her back to reality.

Amy shoots upright, removing her head from Jake’s shoulder, and Jake fumbles for the remote, halting halfway through a melodical laugh to straighten his face out and look at Amy. And it could be anyone at the door, but for some reason her stomach is filling with dread and her body feels uncomfortably heavy.

“Want me to get it?” Jake asks, obviously noticing the concern written all over her face, and she nods almost unnoticeably. He pauses the movie, stands up, straightens out his shirt and makes his way towards the door. All Amy can do is watch with bated breath. Jake unlocks the door and swings it open, and a look of distaste appears on his face as the person on the other side is revealed. “Oh. It’s you.”

“Who is it?” Amy hears herself say, but she doesn’t really remember ever deciding to speak.

“I’m here to talk to Amy.”

 _Teddy_. It’s Teddy’s voice. Amy’s body is flooded with relief and yet more worry all at once because it’s just Teddy but _why is he here?_

“Well, I don’t think she really wants to talk to you.” Jake says firmly, crossing his arms over his chest. His jaw locks the way it always does when he is angry, and Amy can see that his hands are balled up into fists, his knuckles turning white.

“Amy can speak for herself.” Teddy’s voice is thin and slightly aggravated, the way it usually is when he is talking to or about Jake.

“Look, man, I don’t-”

“Jake,” Amy interrupts quickly, hearing the anger in his voice. She shoots to her feet, and Jake looks over his shoulder, a mix of frustration and concern in his eyes. Amy presses her lips into a slight smile and gives him a reassuring nod. “It’s okay.”

She makes her way towards the front door until Teddy comes into view, and Jake moves so that she can take the place he was standing in, though she can feel his protective presence just a few metres behind her. Teddy’s face is flushed with obvious anger, and his hands are trembling at his sides. Through the obvious tension in the air, Amy forces a smile at Teddy.

“Ames,” he says. “I wanted to apologise for last night.”

Amy tries to ignore Jake’s snort behind her as she takes a long, calming breath and nods. After all, she might not like the way Teddy behaved yesterday but things would be much easier if he decided to be involved, and it would take the unnecessary pressure away from Jake.

She is opening her mouth to tell him that everything is forgotten when, in one swift movement, he drops to one knee, brandishing a small, black box.

It takes until he begins to talk for Amy to process what is happening. “I didn’t plan for it to happen this way, but- Amy Santiago, I’m still in love with you. Will you marry me?” The nerves in his voice are obvious, and his eyes are twinkling with hope as he gazes up at her.

“Teddy,” she sighs, reaching up to massage her temple with her fingertips. She can hear Jake mumbling obscenities behind her, but she tries to drown him out, tries to focus on what in the world she can say. She is walking a thin line between accepting a marriage proposal she doesn’t want to accept and discouraging Teddy from being involved in her pregnancy at all. “Get up.”

“I know it sounds crazy, but this makes sense,” Teddy says, gesturing between himself and Amy with his free hand. He is still on one knee, his other hand clutching the black ring box with a small diamond ring inside, and Amy’s frustration is growing by the second. “We can be a family.”

“Please get up,” she whines. A lump is forming in her throat yet again, and she is desperate not to cry again. She has cried enough in the past few days to last her a lifetime, and the last thing she needs right now is Teddy showing up at her door and proposing to her in front of all her neighbours.

“Amy-” he begins, but he is very quickly cut off when Jake suddenly comes into Amy’s line on vision and grabs the front of Teddy’s shirt.

“She said get up.” Jake growls, using the hand that is firmly planted in the material of Teddy’s shirt to drag him upwards to his feet. Teddy stumbles, his eyes widening in surprise as his body follows Jake’s lead and he ends up on his feet, Jake’s firm grip still holding him relatively steady.

“Jake,” Amy gasps in shock, taking a step forward towards the scene unfolding in front of her. She has seen Jake angry before, but she has never seen him like this. He isn’t a physically violent person, but the way he just dragged Teddy to his feet was particularly brutal. Jake is still holding onto the front of Teddy’s shirt, and they are staring at each other, Jake with anger in his eyes and Teddy with surprise in his, but Amy sees Jake’s eyes dart towards her for a fraction of a second in acknowledgement. “Let him go.”

Jake bites his bottom lip roughly, shaking his head slightly. His grip on Teddy tightens slightly, and Amy hears herself whimper, and then, all in one quick movement, Jake releases his grip and takes a few stumbling steps backwards.

The two men stand in the hall, staring at each other intensely, and Jake seems to be cooling off until Teddy looks towards her and points at Jake. “When the hell are you going to tell your partner to stop interfering in our relationship, Amy?” His voice wobbles slightly, his cheeks still red with anger.

“Son of a bitch,” Jake mutters, lunging towards Teddy swiftly. Teddy’s hands come up in defence when he notices Jake moving towards him, and Jake’s fists are twitching at his sides violently.

“Jake!” Amy cries out, holding her hand up. Jake freezes instantly mid-stride and turns to look at her, a somewhat guilty look on his face. Amy shakes her head at him, silently telling him to stop, telling him that this isn’t what she wants. “You should go.”

“What? Ames.” Jake’s voice is suddenly much quieter than it was before, but his face is still as harsh, his expression hardened and angry. His brows are bowed, his eyes dark, and Amy vaguely recognises this look from the time a perp punched Charles after a long foot chase and Jake spent the rest of the day stomping around the precinct while Rosa took Charles to the ER.

“Just- go.” Amy says, her shoulders slumping as she shakes her head at Jake. “Please.” She can barely squeeze the words out, her voice sounding like more of a hoarse whimper than anything else, and only now does she realise there are tears spilling from her eyes.

“Ames,” Jake says, his face and voice softening completely. He shuffles his feet, stares at Amy for a while, glares at Teddy darkly. And then he looks back at Amy, sighing in a resigned manner, as he shakes his head slightly. “Fine. Just- just call me if you need me, alright?”

Amy nods, swiping furiously at the tears falling down her cheeks. Jake stares at her for a few more seconds before he begins to apprehensively walk away, shoving past Teddy on the way and sending him stumbling into the wall. Amy watches Jake leave, watches him glance back at her once or twice, and then she turns on her heel and walks into her apartment, wholly convinced that _men are idiots._

“Amy?” Teddy’s voice rings through the apartment, stopping her dead in her tracks in the middle of the room, and she looks over her shoulder to see him still waiting in the doorway, hanging his head in shame.

“Come in,” she mutters, heading towards the kitchen. As she retrieves a glass of water, she hears the sound of the front door close and padding footsteps heading towards the sofa. When she returns from taking a long gulp of water to wet her dry mouth, Teddy is perched on the edge of the sofa, and Amy can’t quite read the expression on his face.

“I’m sorry, Amy,” he says immediately as she enters the room. “I don’t know what I was thinking. I guess I just thought that things would be better for all of us if we got married.” He drops his head into his hands, letting out a long sigh. “I’m sorry.”

“Look, if you’re only interested in being involved with- with the baby,” she still finds it hard to say the word, “if we’re together then you may as well leave now. I _can’t_ marry you, Teddy. I just- I _can’t_.” She perches on the sofa as far away from him as she can, clutching her cold glass of water in her hands just for something to do.

“Because you still have feelings for Peralta,” Teddy mumbles into his hands, not bothering to lift his head to look at her, and Amy feels her blood run cold.

She opens and closes her mouth a few times, trying to settle on something to say, before she finally goes with, “N-no I don’t. Of course I don’t like Jake. Why would you think I like Jake? Because I _don’t_.” She can feel her eyes widening and her pulse quickening, and she knows she is in complete denial, but it isn’t enough for her to admit her feelings yet. What good would it do anyway?

Teddy lifts his head out of his hands and raises his eyebrows at her. “It’s obvious, Amy,” he says matter-of-factly, and then he shakes his head slowly. “ _Blatantly_.”

“No, it’s not,” Amy mutters defensively. Teddy raises his eyebrows impossibly higher and she sighs, placing her drink down on the coffee table and running her hands over her face. “And even if I _did_ , Jake is with Sophia.”

“Right,” Teddy sighs. He is quiet for a moment before he clears his throat, causing Amy to glance over at him. “It doesn’t matter. I reacted… poorly last night.”

“You can say that again,” Amy snorts.

“I know. Trust me, I know, and I can’t take it back.” He runs a hand through his hair, and Amy is sure she can see true regret in his eyes. “All I can do is tell you that I’m sorry and say that I want to be involved. I want to be here for you.” He pauses to give Amy a small, sad smile. “If you’ll let me, that is.”

Amy nods, unable to bring herself to smile. “I’d like that,” she says quietly, unsure of what else to say, because she can’t deny that having Teddy’s support _would_ make things easier, especially if she decides to parent the baby.

Teddy smiles. “Me too.”

He leaves soon after, and Amy is glad to see him go. She thinks that after everything that happened with Jake and Teddy, she might struggle to sleep, but on the contrary, as soon as her head hits the pillow, she begins to snore. The past two days have been much too long and tiring for anything else. She is thankful, because it means she doesn’t even have time to think about what Jake’s behaviour earlier means for them and their friendship.

That is, until she spots him waiting outside of the precinct for her the very next morning.

She sighs, wishing desperately she could avoid him. Her stomach twists uncomfortably at the image of him lunging towards Teddy. She isn’t particularly mad at him, or at least she doesn’t _think_ she is. All she knows is that she is confused, and she doesn’t want to think about what his protective behaviour towards her means, because he has a girlfriend and she is pregnant, and this isn’t the time for these things.

They had their chance and Amy blew it by not letting him know how she felt until it was too late. He deserves to have a shot at being happy with Sophia, and it isn’t Amy’s place to ruin that.

“Amy!”

She flinches at the sound of his voice, trying not to allow their eyes to meet as she desperately searches her brain for any possible way to avoid him. Finally, she settles on just trying to march past him as if she never noticed him in the first place, but when she feels his warm hand on her arm, halting her in her tracks, she knows she made the wrong call.

Maybe she should’ve just turned around and ran away.

“Ames. Please talk to me.”

Amy sighs up, finally looking up to meet his gaze. He looks nervous and slightly embarrassed, which Amy decides is the right way for him to feel right now considering his behaviour last night. His eyebrows are furrowed, his red eyes revealing to Amy that he didn’t sleep much last night.

“What is it, Peralta?” She decides to speak eventually, moving out of the way of the precincts front door to stand in front of him. She crosses her arms over her chest defensively, raising a questioning eyebrow at him.

“I’m so sorry, Ames. Please believe me.” Jake pleads. “I was _way_ out of line last night, and you have every right to be mad at me. Just please give me another chance. God, I-” he cuts himself off with a sigh, rubbing his face with his hand and blinking dramatically a few times. “I think the situation just hit a tender spot for me. Teddy, I mean. You’re my best friend, and... just- you can’t jump in and out of a kid’s life or they- they end up like me.”

“You’re not all bad,” Amy says quietly.

“I’m constantly seeking trouble and I’m insecure. That’s why I did what I did last night.” He pauses. “I can’t apologise enough, Amy. I’m so, _so_ sorry.”

“Well, you _were_ totally out of line.” Amy admits slowly. “My relationship with Teddy is none of your business… but, I _do_ understand why you reacted the way you did.” She smiles a little. “You were just looking out for me, and even though I can look after myself, it was sweet of you – in a really weird way.”

“So, am I forgiven?” Jake asks, his eyes lighting up with hope and causing Amy to feel slightly dizzy. She grips the handle of her purse tighter.

“You are.” She replies with a nod. “But please don’t do it again.”

Jake nods slowly. “Understood.” Amy reaches out to touch his upper arm, unsure whether or not it is appropriate but needing to feel his warmth. He doesn’t even flinch at her touch, melting into her hand as if it is the most normal thing in the world. “Hey, Ames?”

“Yeah?” Amy replies dreamily. She suddenly remembers they are right outside of their workplace and quickly removes her hand as if Jake’s skin is burning her, dropping it to her side awkwardly.

“You don’t have to answer me,” Jake says quietly, and Amy finally notices the sheepish, somewhat unsure look on his face, “but… what did you say? To Teddy, I mean. To his proposal.”

“I said no.” Amy answers immediately, not hesitating for even a second. “I- it’s not what I want.” She knows in her heart that the words are true, that a marriage with Teddy is not what she wants, even if it’s what she _should_ want.

“Okay.” Jake says simply with a nod of his head.

And when Amy looks up at him, she could almost swear there is a look of relief shining bright on his face. _Almost._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos and comments mean the absolute world to me and motivate me to keep writing so if you have time, i’d really love the hear from you! as always, thanks for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amy’s first ultrasound appointment takes an unexpected turn.

Over the next few weeks, things start to get real. Like, _really_ real.

Amy starts by making a list of all the things she has to do, starting with the simplest of tasks with the view of progressing the importance and complexity of them as the weeks and months go by. First, it’s things like _start taking prenatal vitamins_ , which gets checked off the very same morning, and _make first ultrasound scan appointment_ , which gets checked off the next day. She makes a reading list, starting with simple books about pregnancy to help her understand what her body is going through, and as she reads them, she takes notes in order to make a beautifully laid-out, organised binder.

This is just a really weird, complicated test. As long as Amy studies for it, she’ll be fine.

At Amy’s request, Holt gives her the job of reorganising the evidence lockup when she isn’t busy with paperwork. The task makes a whole pregnancy of desk duty seem a hell of a lot less daunting, and Amy is already pretty obsessed with the system she’s put into place. Its going to take time, but she’ll get there, and she’s determined to finish before she gives birth.

As well as all of the other changes going on in Amy’s life, things change between her and Jake. They start spending a lot more time together. In fact, Jake has dinner at Amy’s apartment every few days, which she would _probably_ find kind of strange if it weren’t for the fact that Jake is constantly reassuring her that he isn’t doing it out of pity, that he wants to spend time with her, and that Sophia is fine with it. Amy accepts his reassurance without putting much of a fight up.

The confrontation between Jake and Teddy doesn’t come up again. In fact, they manage to avoid the conversation of Teddy altogether for quite some time. That is until a week before the day of her first scan.

“I’m gonna ask Teddy to come to the scan with me.” Amy says coolly, leaning over the countertop that separates her living room and kitchen.

Jake give a quiet hum as he removes the takeout boxes from the paper bag. From here, Amy can’t see his face, and she can’t tell if the noise is a hum of approval or the opposite.

“It just feels like something I should do,” she continues. Jake grunts again, setting the final takeout box down on the countertop. Amy furrows her brows and begins to talk again, trying to prompt Jake to say something. “I mean, I don’t wanna go alone.”

“I’ll go with you.” Jake says nonchalantly, finally turning to face Amy. He leans against the counter, crossing his arms over his chest and raising an eyebrow at her.

“As much as I’d love that,” and she really, _really_ would, “I feel like I should at least _invite_ Teddy. Give him the option, you know?”

Jake sighs. “You’re right.” He drops his hands to his sides. “I don’t want you to be right, but you’re right.”

“I’m always right.” Amy says teasingly, trying to deflect from the intense way Jake is staring at her, trying to ignore the feeling bubbling in her chest.

Jake rolls his eyes. “Yeah, right,” he scoffs, straightening his back out. “Come on. Dinner’s getting cold.”

Later, when Jake is slouched on the couch having fallen asleep, Amy texts Teddy.

She watches Jake for a moment, hypnotised by the way his chest rises and falls as he breaths. His lips are slightly parted, his breath coming out in soft puffs.

In a moment free of all restraint, Amy reaches out very slowly, in a trance as she softly touches the curls atop Jake’s head. He hasn’t had a haircut in a few months, and she can run her hand through it now, savouring the softness between her fingers. He stirs slightly, and hums in appreciation before drifting straight back to sleep, and the only thing that makes Amy pull her hand away is the thought of how much she might regret this if he remembers it.

For a long time now, they have been walking the thin line between friendship and something more, since the night that Jake first told her he liked her and maybe even before, but over the past few weeks, things have been different. Amy knows it is innocent, knows he is in a relationship and that’s why he feels comfortable enough to fall asleep next to her on her couch, but she can’t help but wonder if he feels even slightly the same way that she does. If his feelings for her are hiding just under the surface like hers are for him.

God, she has to escape this thought before she drowns in it.

With a shake of her head, she retrieves her phone and pulls up her text chain with Teddy. Since she last saw him two weeks ago, he has texted her four times to check in on her. Not bad for a guy she isn’t in a relationship with, though she can’t stop herself from comparing his support to Jake’s.

**To: Teddy Wells (10:42pm)**

**Hey. My first scan is next Tuesday. I was wondering if you wanted to be there? Let me know.**

She sends the text quickly before she can change her mind.

Teddy replies quickly, within five minutes, and Amy anxiously chews on her bottom lip as she debates opening the message. She isn’t even sure what she wants it to say. With a quick glance over at Jake, she opens the message, her eyes scanning the screen quickly.

**From: Teddy Wells (10:45pm)**

**I’d love to.**

Amy swallows thickly, feeling tears spring to her eyes as she clutches the phone tightly in her hand. Well, now she knows what she’d been hoping for, and it clearly wasn’t this. She squeezes her eyes closed, trying to ground herself as she realises that she’d hoped Teddy would refuse her offer. That she’d hoped she could take Jake with her instead.

“Ames?” Jake’s sleepy voice comes from beside her, and she feelings him stirring into an upright position. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” Amy answers quickly, locking her phone and swivelling round to face Jake, forcing a smile onto her face.

“You don’t look fine.” His voice is still slightly groggy, but he is sitting straight in a flash, his eyebrows knitted together in concern. “Are you crying?”

Amy shakes her head rapidly. “No. Just tired.”

Jake studies her for a moment through tired, squinted eyes. Amy notices his cheeks are tinged the colour of pink they usually are when he is tired, and a faint smile appears on her face. A goofy grin spread across his face in return.

“Ah, there it is. That famous Santiago smile.”

Amy rolls her eyes and scoffs, all while still smiling. “Shut up, dork.” She says the words quietly, and when Jake turns away to take a sip from his glass of water, she reaches up and discreetly wipes the trail of tears away from her cheeks before Jake has a chance to turn on the lights and see them.

Jake looks down at his watch and blows a breath out through pursed lips. “Wow, okay. I should probably head home.” He glances back up at Amy with a small smile.

Amy nods. “You should.” She tries to keep the longing out of her voice as she says it, reminds herself she has a comfortable bed and a good book waiting for her when Jake leaves.

Jake rises to his feet, stretching his arms above his head and releasing an almighty yawn. Amy’s breath catches in her throat when his shirt rides up, revealing the tiniest part of his lower stomach. She snakes her tongue out, runs it along her lips in an attempt to wet them, and tries to divert her gaze. Abruptly, she rises to her feet, ending up almost nose to nose with Jake.

“Woah. Hey there.” Jake laughs, placing his hands on her upper arms to steady her. He is wearing his glasses, and he never wears his glasses, and he looks so _handsome_ in them, and she is _dizzy_. She clears her throat and smiles sheepishly, backing away from him slightly as he drops his hands to his sides.

“Hi.” Amy replies quietly, and Jake flashes her a confused grin, drawing his brows together and shaking his head slightly.

Jake leaves after that, with nothing but a promise that she will see him at work tomorrow, and she curls up in bed and tries not to focus too intently on the way his hands felt grasping her arms.

By the time that the day of the first scan rolls around, Amy’s sleep pattern is just about back to normal. Things are starting to relax, and Amy is starting to remember who she is. She is Amy Santiago. She is strong, independent, and totally badass. _She can do this._

Thirty-five minutes before she is due at the doctor’s office and after she has finished her prescribed five large glasses of water, there is a knock on the door, and after smoothing out her shirt, Amy answers it. Teddy stands in front of her with a bunch of pink and white flowers, a bashful but friendly smile on his face.

“Morning.” He holds the flowers out towards Amy. His cheeks are tinged pink, and Amy tries to ignore it the best she can as she accepts the flowers with a smile.

“Oh, these are beautiful. Thank you, Teddy.” Amy admires the flowers for a moment, studies the way the colours complement one another, and then looks back up at Teddy. “Come in while I put them in water.”

Teddy follows Amy’s order, following her into the apartment and closing the door gently behind them. Amy finds a vase in one of her kitchen cupboards, fills it with water and then arranges the flowers in it carefully. She has her back to Teddy, but she can feel his eyes on her, and she takes a deep breath as she tries to ignore his gaze. As much as she is trying to forget about what happened three weeks ago, she can’t help but see images of it flashing through her mind every so often, and then she hates both Jake and Teddy all over again.

“So,” Amy says, putting on a cheery grin as she spins around, “are you ready to go?”

Teddy smiles sheepishly, scratching the back of his neck. “Yeah.” He pauses, his smile faltering slightly. “I gotta tell you, Amy. I’m pretty nervous.”

Amy finds herself smiling sympathetically and taking a step forward to place a comforting hand on his upper arm. “I’m nervous too, but it’s gonna be fine.”

Teddy exhales sharply and nods, then paints the smile from before back onto his face. “Okay. Let’s go.”

The car ride to the doctor’s office is more awkward than Amy would care to admit. Teddy taps the steering wheel to the beat of the song on the radio and Amy finds herself becoming increasingly irritated by it. In fact, when they finally park outside of the building, she feels like she’s only a few seconds away from spontaneously combusting.

Inside, after giving the receptionist her name and appointment time, Amy suddenly realises just how nervous she is, and she doesn’t protest when Teddy’s hand finds hers; on the contrary, she squeezes his fingers so hard she hears him wince.

Doctor Lopez calls Amy into the office about five minutes after they arrive, and Amy feels herself relax slightly at the sight of her doctor’s friendly face.

“Good morning, Amy.” Doctor Lopez says as she takes a seat behind her desk. There are papers neatly laid out in front of her, and Amy tries her hardest not to focus on the ultrasound machine in the corner of the room.

“Hi, Doctor Lopez.” Amy replies with a weak smile. She takes a seat across from Doctor Lopez, as does Teddy. “This is Teddy. He’s the baby’s father.” Amy gestures to Teddy, who reaches across the table to shake the doctor’s hand.

“Teddy Wells. Nice to meet you.”

“It’s good to meet you, Teddy.” The doctor replies, accepting his handshake with a friendly smile. “I’m Doctor Lopez.” When Teddy is settled back in his seat, Doctor Lopez turns to Amy and offers her a slightly wider but still soft smile. “How are you feeling, Amy?”

“I’m okay.” Amy says quietly with a small nod. “The morning sickness is pretty much gone now.” In fact, now that she thinks about, she hasn’t been sick in at least a week, which is a relief. Her morning sickness wasn’t the worst it could’ve been, but it was still unpleasant, especially at work when she is trying desperately to hide her pregnancy from her colleagues.

(Her excuse for being confined to desk duty is that she has a minor back injury, which everyone seems to have believed so far, especially with Captain Holt backing her up.)

“And you’ve been taking the prenatal vitamins I prescribed you?” Amy nods in confirmation. “Good. Do you have any concerns before we get started with the scan?” Amy shakes her head. “Okay. In that case, follow me.”

And that’s how Amy finds herself laying on the bed in the corner of the room with Teddy in the chair next to her and her shirt rolled up to reveal her still flat belly. She barely registers Doctor Lopez warning her of the cold gel, her eyes focused on the tanned expanse of her stomach as the gel is blobbed on and a firm, plastic wand is pressed onto her stomach.

“Okay, let’s see if we can find baby.” Doctor Lopez says, and Amy’s eyes dart to the screen off to the side of her.

For a moment, the room is silent, and all Amy can see is a grainy, black-and-white screen. But then, all in one overwhelming second, the screen comes alive with a tiny, human figure, and the room floods with the sound of a faint but steady heartbeat.

Amy’s breath catches in her throat. She is aware, somewhere in the back of her mind, of Teddy voicing his awe, and of Doctor Lopez explaining where the baby’s head is and how to interpret the image, but all Amy can do is stare in amazement and wonder with wide eyes at the screen. Her heart feels like it is about to burst, and it is as though the world stops spinning around her, as though it is just her and this grainy, low-quality image of a baby. _Her_ baby. Her baby that _she_ is growing and protecting and housing within her body.

All Amy can do is focus on the way the heartbeat thumping all around her plays to the same beat as her own, and it is magic. Pure _magic_.

“Oh my God, is that-” she cuts her own voice off with an unexpected, strangled sob, and a flood of tears cascades down her cheeks.

“That’s your baby.” Doctor Lopez says softly. She has a warm smile on her face, and she gives Amy a small nod, and Amy feels Teddy’s hand wrap around hers and give her a small, comforting squeeze.

“Look, Amy. Look. It’s amazing.” Teddy’s voice is gentle and filled with amazement, and Amy keeps her eyes trained on the screen, on the small human that could be anyone or anything, a boy or girl, a lawyer or a teacher, _anything it wants to be._

“Now, I understand adoption is still an option-”

“No.” Amy interrupts Doctor Lopez with a thin voice, and she doesn’t know what she is doing, what she is saying, where this is coming from. She just knows that it feels right and that this is what she wants, that this is _everything_. “I’m keeping the baby. I want to be a mom. I want to be _their_ mom.”

Doctor Lopez smiles. “Okay, Amy.” She says the words very quietly, very softly, and then she allows Amy a few minutes longer to stare at the screen and listen to the soft sound filling the room before she cleans Amy’s stomach off with a tissue.

This time around, Amy leaves the doctor’s office with an envelope filled with scan pictures, an appointment for four weeks from now, and a very, _very_ full heart.

The short journey home is filled with complete silence from both Amy and Teddy, and Teddy doesn’t turn the radio on. Amy wonders if it’s because he’s trying to memorise the sound of their baby’s heartbeat like she is.

Halfway home, she retrieves the envelope from her purse and pulls out one of the pictures, using the time to study every line and curve of the baby, so that when she closes her eyes she can almost map the image out completely in her mind.

Teddy breaks the peaceful silence as they pull up to Amy’s apartment building.

“Is that Peralta?”

Amy’s head shoots up from where she has been focusing on the ultrasound picture to see Jake waiting outside of her building with a paper bag and a tray of drinks in his hand.

“Uh, yeah.” She replies absentmindedly, tucking the envelope into her bag. “It is.”

Jake seems to spot her and a grin spreads across his face as he waves haphazardly with the hand that he has the bag in. Despite herself, Amy feels a small smile appear on her own face at the sight of him as she offers him a tiny wave back.

Teddy sighs, and Amy turns just in time to see a slightly disappointed look flash across his face. “Well, I’ll see you in four weeks.”

“You will.” Amy replies with a nod, and then she holds out the picture in her hand towards him. “Here. Keep this.”

The slightly sad look on Teddy’s face is immediately replaced with a hopeful smile. “Thanks.” He accepts the picture and looks down at it for a moment before pulling out his wallet and tucking it in.

Amy nods, smiling. She climbs out the car then, tucking her purse under her arm and scuttling off towards Jake. “Jake! What are you doing here?” She hears the sound of Teddy’s car starting up and driving away behind her.

“Hey! Wanted to see you.” His face is split by a huge grin, and Amy finds herself smiling just as widely. “I got your favourite.”

Amy laughs slightly, crossing her arms over her chest and raising an eyebrow at Jake questioningly. “It’s only lunchtime. You’re gonna make me fat if you keep feeding me takeout.”

Jake shrugs. “So what? You’re pregnant, you’re eating for two.”

Amy rolls her eyes, another laugh escaping her throat. “That’s not how it works, Peralta.”

“It isn’t?” Jake asks, smiling playfully.

“No, it definitely isn’t.”

“Whatever. Just enjoy the damn food.” He smiles, his brown eyes sparkling. “I promise you’ll still be beautiful even if you _do_ put on some weight.”

Amy manages a scoff and a light punch on Jake’s upper arm even while her stomach fills with butterflies and her body temperature seems to rise at least a few degrees above the norm. “Stop being so nice to me. It’s weird.” _And it’s making me fall in love with you, dammit._

“Hey! I’m always nice!”

“Sure, you are.”

“You’re the bully in this friendship.”

“And I pride myself on that.”

Jake doesn’t bring up the scan until they are already in Amy’s apartment. He sets the paper bag down on the countertop and turns to Amy with a sheepish, slightly unsure smile on his face.

“So, how did it go?” He asks carefully, drawing his eyebrows together in concern. He tucks his hands into his jean pockets, rocking backwards and forwards on the balls of his feet.

“It was… it was _amazing_.” Amy answers quietly, biting her lower lip gently. Her heart still feels much too big for her chest, and she suddenly feels so much more aware of the life inside of her, in the best way possible.

Jake’s eyes light up. “It was?” He asks, a goofy smile spreading across his face until it looks like his cheeks might crack.

Amy nods. “Yeah,” she says dreamily. “I decided… I want to keep the baby. I’m gonna be a mom.” She grins widely in excitement, the words feeling foreign as they roll off her tongue.

Jake laughs in disbelief, removing his hands from his pockets to place them on Amy’s upper arms and hold her at arm’s length. His face is filled with complete joy and Amy can tell that hers reflects exactly the same emotion. “I’m so happy for you, Ames!” He cries the words, and then he pulls her into a tight bear hug.

Amy presses her face against his warm chest, breathes in his scent and realises this might be the happiest she has felt for a long time, standing right here in her best friend’s arms with a tiny, new life inside of her. A life that, in just over six months, will be in arms, making her a mother for the first time. She feels a few tears of happiness trickle out of her eyes and onto Jake’s shirt as she laughs contentedly into his chest. She feels his hands on her back, in her hair, on the back of her head, squeezing her and holding her so tightly she thinks he might be about to suffocate her, and then he lets her ago and she is left trying to find her bearings as she steadies herself by placing her hands on his chest.

“I have something for you.” Amy says brightly, sniffling as she dabs at her damp eyes. “Wait here.”

She stumbles towards where she left her purse on the hanger at the door, finds the envelope, and then rushes straight back to where Jake is still standing in the kitchen, leaning against the countertop with his arms crossed over his chest casually. She pulls one of the ultrasound images out of the envelope and thrusts it into his hands.

Jake looks down at the image, and Amy hears his breath falter momentarily. He looks up at Amy, then down at the image again, and then, finally, back up at Amy. “Is this…” he trails off, and then he nods towards her stomach, and she smiles softly.

“Yeah.” Amy nods, feeling a few tears spill onto her cheeks as she smiles widely. “That’s the baby.” She watches as Jake’s face lights up and he goes back to looking at the image.

“Wow.” Jake whispers, holding the image out in front of him with a soft smile on his face. “Looks like you, Ames.” He glances back up at her with a goofy smile on his face and Amy rolls her eyes, shaking her head. “No, but seriously. This is so… _awesome_.”

Amy nods in agreement, laughing breathily. “Not the word I would’ve chosen, but yeah. It is pretty awesome.” She takes a few steps forward until she is standing next to Jake, and he drops his shoulder so that she is able to stand on her tiptoes and peek over it to see the photo.

“You think it’s a boy or a girl?” Jake asks, glancing over his shoulder to look at her.

Amy shrugs, placing a hand on his upper back for support so she can continue to stand on the tips of her toes. “I’m not sure. What do you think?”

“Girl. For sure.” Jake says immediately, nodding conclusively as he looks back at the photo in his hand. “There’s definitely a mini Ames in there.” Amy laughs and his face breaks into a wide smile at the sound.

Jake glances back at her again, still grinning, and Amy straightens her face out slightly. Their noses are almost touching, and she can feel his breath fanning over her face.

“Thank you, Jake,” she whispers quietly, and Jake’s face straightens out slightly too. Amy drops her gaze and plants herself back firmly on the soles of her feet, then Jake turns so he is facing her, almost physically pressing her up against the countertop. “For looking out for me. For being here. Just- thank you for everything, I guess is what I’m trying to say.

Jake shakes his head, smiling lopsidedly. “No need,” he says, and his eyes dart down to Amy’s lips as his tongue juts out to wet his own. Amy feels her breath quickening, and they are close, _so_ close, and if she wanted to, she could grab him by the back of the neck and pull him down for a kiss, and- “We should eat.” He says the words brightly, and then he turns swiftly back to the paper bag of takeout.

Amy clears her throat promptly, tucking a strand of hair behind her reddened face. “Yeah.” She says quietly, trying to catch her breath as she grips the drawer handle behind her so tightly that her knuckles turn white. “Right.”

Hours later, when Jake is leaving to go back to his own apartment, Amy retrieves the scan picture from her kitchen and presses it into his hand. He glances down at it and then back up at her with a questioning look.

“What’s this for?” He asks, holding it up.

“I want you to have it,” she says with a shrug. “You’re my best friend.” _Because she desperately needs to justify this because this isn’t normal, and she knows it and he knows it, and this is such a mess._

Jake leaves with a wide grin on his face, one that is burned into Amy’s memory for the rest of the night.

She pins one of the photos to her refrigerator, and then gets to work on a new section in her binder.

Title: _Baby Santiago._

* * *

Jake sits inside his car, clutching the ultrasound photo in his fist. He lets his head fall back against the headrest, releasing an almighty sigh and squeezing his eyes closed. As soon as his eyelids flutter shut, there she is, images of Amy dancing across his vision; her smile, her laugh, the way she rolls her eyes when he is being goofy. He feels a reluctant smile spread across his face, even as his stomach twists with unease.

Amy is his best friend, and he is happy for her. Really, he is, but some part of him, a part of him hiding just under the surface, feels completely uncomfortable with everything happening right now, and the worst part is, he can’t figure out why.

It has to have something to do with change. The idea of a whole pregnancy without Amy out on duty with him makes him feel uneasy, especially when it’s paired with the thought of her being on maternity leave for at least a month afterwards, and after that, everything will have changed anyway and it will never be able to go back to how it was before.

Or maybe it has something to do with the baby’s father. Teddy. Jake feels his face screw up in disgust. He has always had a distaste for Amy’s ex-boyfriend, and he has to admit he was secretly pleased when she broke up with him on the road trip. At first, his disliking towards Teddy developed as a result of his romantic interest in Amy, but as time has gone on, he has realised his hatred towards the man stems deeper than that. He has never been and will never be good enough for Jake’s best friend, and Jake will stand by that.

He knows without question that he was completely out of line on that night three weeks ago. It was entirely uncharacteristic of him to almost physically attack someone, but Teddy’s treatment of Amy and their baby struck a nerve deep within him and brought something out of him that even he hasn’t often seen in himself before.

When Amy had told him that Teddy had refused to be in the baby’s life, he’d been angry, but it had been nothing compared to when Teddy had suddenly decided to jump back into the kids, and subsequently Amy’s, life. It had brought up way too many old feelings associated with his own father for Jake to deal with it in any other way, and that combined with a man who is completely unsuited to Amy proposing to her had been too much for him.

He had barely felt like he was in control of his body. It had felt like he was on autopilot, like his body was acting without the permission of his brain, as if he were in a trance.

But all it had taken was Amy’s pleas and whimpers for him to snap out of said trance, and when he saw the look on her face, he’d instantly regretted his actions. Laying his hands on someone was something he hadn’t done since his early high school years when Robert Miller had slapped Gina’s ass at a house party without her permission (God, he’d been _so_ mad at that guy). Jake is not a violent person, hence his career as a police officer, and the thought that he almost did something so unthinkable makes his heart sink.

He hates Teddy, but that doesn’t mean he wants to _hurt_ Teddy. Or maybe his subconscious does. _Sometimes_. Jake doesn’t even know anymore.

He takes one last look at the ultrasound scan, trying to ignore the somewhat vague but undeniably negative emotion rising in his throat, and then stashes it away in his glove compartment. Then, he begins to drive home.

When he pulls up outside of his building, he instantly recognises the car parked in front of him as Sophia’s. His stomach flips, his throat drying up, and he slams his fist against the steering wheel, letting out a quiet cuss.

In the past few weeks, he has blown Sophia off more than he probably should have. It’s not his fault, he just wants to be there for Amy, but he knows Sophia has to be upset with him and, deep down, he understands why. Things between him and Amy are entirely innocent, but it might not look that way to an outsider, and he knows this conversation is going to be unpleasant.

God, Amy would kill him if she knew he was lying about Sophia being okay with it all.

He finds Sophia inside of his flat, having unlocked the door with his spare key. She is on the couch, one leg crossed over the other, and her head turns in his direction as he opens the door. He shoots her a smile as he removes his shoes with the opposite foot.

“Hey, Soph.” Jake says, slipping off his leather jacket and throwing it onto one of the hooks on the wall. He is still smiling, but he hasn’t yet made direct eye contact with her, and when he does, he instantly wishes he had just avoided it all together.

“Jake.” She greets him with a nod.

“Have you eaten? You should’ve texted me; I could’ve brought something in or-”

Sophia stops him by raising a hand to silence his rambling, her jaw locking. “Where have you been? We’ve barely spoken in weeks.” And she’s not wrong, she isn’t, but she doesn’t _understand_. These are different circumstances. Jake _has_ to be there for Amy.

“Oh? Right now? I was just-”

“Let me guess. You were at Amy’s. Again.” Sophia interrupts, raising an eyebrow at him. Her hands are folded in her lap, but when Jake looks at them, he can see they are shaking. He swallows thickly and looks back up to meet her disapproving gaze.

Jake opens and closes his mouth a few times, trying to think of the best thing he can say before he finally just settles on a sheepish, “Honestly? Yeah.” He reaches up to scratch the back of his neck awkwardly. “Yeah, I was.”

“God, Jake.” Sophia laughs disbelievingly, shaking her head. “I mean,” she reaches up to rub her forehead, “Fuck. _Fuck_ , Jake, you have to be _kidding_ me.”

“Soph, let me explain.” Jake says calmly, holding out his hands and trying to keep them steady, which is difficult because everything is falling apart in front of him and he knows he deserves it. Oh, this is completely, well-and-truly his fault and he is aware of that, but if Sophia would only listen then maybe she would understand. “Listen to me.”

“No, Jake. You listen to me.” Sophia shoots to her feet, pointing a finger at him as she speaks in a shaky voice. Her stance is defensive, only foot planted firmly in front of the other. “I like you, Jake. I really like you. You’re cute and you’re funny and you’re kind, which- well, that combination of features is completely _impossible_ to find in men, especially in cops, for God’s sake.. Things between us have been so great, but the whole time I’ve just been thinking, okay, but what’s wrong with him? There has to be something wrong with him.”

“Wow, does dating suck for women? Why have I never realised this before?” Jake blurts, screwing his face up in confusion.

Sophia gives him a disapproving look before she continues. “The whole time we’ve been dating, I’ve been waiting to figure out what’s wrong with you. Turns out, there’s something very wrong; it’s just not what I expected.” She shakes her head, and Jake sucks in a breath in anticipation. “You’re already in love with someone else.” Sophia’s voice breaks painfully, but Jake barely notices because all he can focus on is the feeling that his heart is beating so violently that it feels as though it might be about to burst through his ribcage. “And it’s not your fault, because how could you not develop feelings for her after working so closely with her for so many years, but-”

“Sophia.” Jake interrupts, shaking his head and scrunching up his nose at her words. “I’m not in love with Amy.”

“Seriously, Jake?” Sophia scoffs. “You blow your girlfriend off to see her. You talk about her _constantly_ -”

“That’s not fair. Amy is going through something right now. I-”

“Jake, let me finish.” Sophia says thinly, silencing him midway through his sentence. “You’re in love with her. You have been for a long time, and the fact that you’re still denying it tells me that you’re either a lier or you’re in complete denial.” She shakes her head, and Jake can feel a hard lump forming in his throat. “And honestly, Jake? It might be selfish, but I don’t want to believe that the only genuinely good guy I’ve ever met in my life is a liar.” She sighs, crossing her arms over her chest. “That’s why I need you to listen to me carefully when I say what I’m about to say.”

“Sophia.” Jake pleads in a wobbly voice as she takes a few strides towards him, stopping about a metre away from where he stands, still on the doormat of his apartment. “Sophia, don’t do this.”

“You need to tell Amy how you feel, Jake. You need to realise how you feel about her first, and then you have to tell her. And if she has any common sense at all, she’ll feel the same way about you, because you’re a great guy, Jake.” Sophia smiles, wistful and sad, and reaches out to touch Jake’s cheek softly. Jake finds himself tensing up at her touch. “You deserve to be happy. You _both_ do.”

“I’m not in love with Amy. I’m in love with _you_. I love _you_ , Sophia.” His voice is paper-thin and raggedy, and he wants to reach out and touch her, wants to hold her, but he knows better. And anyway, even if he wanted to, he’s not sure he could actually move, because he feels almost frozen in place, his feet superglued to the floor beneath him. “ _You’re_ the one I love.”

“No, I’m not.” Sophia smiles slightly, shaking her head. “I’m not.” She removes her hand from Jake’s cheek, leans in, and places a long, slow kiss to the space where her fingers sat just seconds ago. When she pulls away, she has tears in her eyes, and Jake just wants to scream, just wants everything to stop and give him a second to think. “Goodbye, Jake.”

Sophia reaches out, gives his arm one last squeeze, and then leaves.

“I’m not in love with her!” Jake calls after her as the door clicks closed, still rooted to his spot. And then, a few seconds later, his voice barely above a whisper, he says it again. “I’m not in love with Amy.”

Jake’s empty apartment offers no response, and neither does Sophia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a lot happened in this chapter, maybe even more than the last! hopefully you’ve had a bit of time to process jake’s actions in the last chapter, and i’m hoping some of this chapters contents helps you understand where he was coming from. jake has never been portrayed as a violent character, which is why i included it last chapter because i sort of wanted to, i guess, show how uninhibited he becomes when he is worried about amy. he acted without thinking, which just proves how deeply he cares about amy and, in turn, her unborn baby. i hope that kind of makes sense and justifies my writing choices last chapter!
> 
> as always, kudos and comments mean the world! i want to thank you guys for the overwhelming amount of support i have already received in regards to this fic, and i also want to let you know that i really do love hearing from you all! it excites me so much to see a comment under a newly posted chapter, and i love having conversations with you guys regarding the story! 
> 
> anyway, this was a pretty long note, but thank you all for reading once again!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An earth-shattering discovery changes Jake and Amy's relationship forever.

“Morning, Jake.”

Amy speaks without looking up from her computer screen, somehow simply sensing Jake’s presence as he enters the bullpen. Her chin is resting on the palm of her hand, her elbow resting on the surface of her desk and she uses her free hand to scroll through the paperwork on the screen before her, doing a final check for any mistakes.

“Hey.”

Something about Jake’s voice immediately seems off to her, so she lifts her eyes from the computer screen to look at him. He is in front of her now after making his way through the bustling bullpen, the pair separated only by the length of their shared desk. As he slips off his leather jacket and hoodie in one to hang on the back of his chair, Amy notices how red and darkened his eyes are, causing her to finally lift her chin from her palm so she can study him properly.

“Jake, are you okay?” Amy says with a sense of urgency to her tone as she watches him slip into his seat. His shoulders are slightly slumped, his hair messy and, presumably, unwashed. He runs a hand through it.

“Me? Oh, yeah. I’m fine.” He flashes Amy what she suspects is meant to be a grin but appears as more of a grimace as he reaches across the desk to turn on his computer screen. “Just didn’t get much sleep last night, I guess.” He reaches up with one hand to rub at one of his sleepy eyes.

Amy eyes him questioningly, taking in his dishevelled appearance and the fact that he seems to have forgotten to close the top three buttons of his shirt. “You couldn’t sleep? Is everything alright?” Her voice is slightly unsteady, her stomach sinking at the sight of him this way. The past few weeks, he has been the confident, reassuring one, and the sudden and apparent switching of this role to Amy is disorienting.

“Ames, seriously, I’m fine.” Jake replies with a slight chuckle and Amy offers him a weak smile in response before he turns his attention towards his computer screen.

His statement does little to convince Amy. Despite this, she spends a few more seconds staring at him before she shakes her head and says, “Well, as long as you’re sure,” to which she receives a quiet, mumbled _I am_ as a response, leading her to go back to her paperwork.

They fall into silence and Amy tries to focus on her work, but her mind is plagued by the image of Jake’s distressed and exhausted appearance. She has been worrying almost constantly since she made Jake aware of her pregnancy and he took up the role of protective best friend that eventually this would all become too much for him. After all, he is practically living a triple-life, working fulltime as a detective, hanging out with Amy, and then still having the responsibility of a girlfriend to think about. Multiple times Amy has voiced her concern about this, and every time Jake has told her not to worry, that he can balance her and work and Sophia.

Amy decides then not to feel guilty about Jake’s more than frequent presence in her life. If there was an issue, she trusts Jake enough to believe he would tell her. It’s not like she hasn’t given him enough opportunity to. Why should she feel guilty about the decisions he makes?

Still, she can’t quite shake the worry and anxiety that is blossoming deep within her at his obviously low mood and unkempt appearance this morning. So much so that, every few seconds, she glances up at him from her computer screen, making it completely impossible for her to get any work done. Jake doesn’t seem to notice her interest in him though.

Until, suddenly, he does.

“Ames. Stop looking at me. I said I’m fine.” He laughs the words, but something about the way he says them is still biting in the most timid sense of the word, causing Amy to flinch ever so slightly before she remembers the many intense hormones coursing through her body are making her feel more sensitive than ever at the moment. She probably just imagined it.

“S-sorry,” she stutters sheepishly. She gives Jake a bashful smile, straightening out her back a little and seeing that his eyes have brightened just slightly as he gazes across the desk at her.

“How’s the _backache_?” He puts emphasis on the word backache, flashing her an exaggerated, knowing wink. Amy rolls her eyes at him but finds a laugh escaping her lips as she so often does when Jake’s goofiness is on show.

“It’s okay,” she replies, and then feels a small, involuntarily smile spread across her face. “It’s good.” In the back of Amy’s mind, if she focuses really, _really_ hard, she can recall the exact sound of her baby’s heartbeat, almost as though the sound is ingrained in her memory, and in her jacket pocket resides the envelope full of ultrasound images. Her hand finds her stomach under her desk, her fingers splaying across the shirt-covered surface.

“Good.” Jake smiles softly in response. “You want me to come over tonight?” He says the words quietly, careful not to let anyone around them hear the question he is asking. Amy notices his eyes are twinkling with what seems to be hope, and before she can let herself get carried away in wondering what it could mean, she diverts her gaze and takes a steadying breath.

“You came over last night,” she says, and when she glances back up at him, she sees his expression faulter slightly. “It’s not that I don’t want you to,” she reassures him quickly, the words racing out of her mouth, “but you have to see your girlfriend, Jake. I’m sure she misses you.”

“Sophia. Right. Yeah. Of course.” Jake mumbles, giving Amy a short nod, and then he falls silent again. Amy can barely ignore the warning sirens blaring in her head, but then he gives her a small smile and the hopeful look returns to his face. “Tomorrow?”

Amy smiles back at him softly. “I’d like that.”

Jake grins and gives her a goofy thumbs up, and she rolls her eyes and tries to hide the smile slowly spreading across her face as she gazes at him through her eyelashes. It’s the same smile that always seems to appear when Jake is around, and Amy doesn’t see it going anywhere any time soon.

Much to Amy’s dismay, Jake leaves soon after to check out a crime scene with Charles and she is left alone to do her paperwork. This is partly positive, because it gives her a chance to actually get some work done, but partly negative, because she finds herself missing Jake’s presence only a few moments after he has exited the bullpen. Sure, they don’t always talk, but having him there feels reassuring, especially lately.

Amy feels uneasy at the thought that things will never be the same between her and Jake again. Sure, things had changed between them the moment Jake had admitted his feelings for her, but after that, the situation calmed down and things were able to become very much like normal for them again. Now though, there is this added intensity, this step they have taken in the direction of intimacy, spending so much time in each other’s company with what feels like an invisible wall between them, separating them from each other and preventing anything from actually happening. But the tension is ever present; it is forever lingering around the pair, and Amy suspects that it always will be. On top of that, she is about to become a mom, irreversibly changing her life and, in the process, changing her relationship with not just Jake, but everyone she knows forever.

Amy is lost in thought when Rosa walks by her desk, breaking her out of her trance. She walks straight past Amy swiftly, hands tucked into her pockets, and then she halts a few metres past the desk before swivelling round on the spot to look at the other detective.

“Santiago.” Rosa says, looking completely unsure of herself and like she doesn’t even know if she actually wants to be talking right now. Amy knits her eyebrows together in confusion, looking at Rosa from her chair. “I’m going to get some lunch. You wanna tag along?”

“Oh!” Amy says brightly, feeling her face light up in shock and joy as she jumps to her feet, grabbing her purse from the floor as she goes. “I’d love to come!” She is aware that she is speaking a little bit louder than may be considered normal, but the surprise of Rosa Diaz asking to actually _spend time with her_ is almost overwhelming.

“Alright,” Rosa says, scrunching her face up in distaste. “Don’t let it get to your head.” Her hands are still tucked into her front pockets as she stands, completely casual and relaxed in the centre of the bullpen.

“Sorry!” Amy exclaims immediately, and then proceeds to put on her best chill face and voice (she doesn’t want to be uninvited after all). “Whatever, bro. I’ll tag along, I guess.”

Rosa smirks ever so slightly. “Better,” she says, punctuating the statement with a single nod of her head. “Let’s go.”

Amy quickly follows Rosa out of the precinct, practically jogging to keep up with Rosa’s almost unbelievably swift pace. In fact, by the time the two women reach the busy Brooklyn sidewalk opposite the nine-nine, Amy is extremely short of breath (another new and exceedingly irritating symptom of growing a baby is exercise intolerance, and it has never made Amy want to scream as much as it does in this moment, when Rosa has finally chosen to spend time with her) and, much to her dismay, she has to ask Rosa to slow down to save herself from falling any further behind.

“Hey, Rosa! Wait up!” Amy puffs out, and the other detective comes to a sudden halt, glancing over her shoulder with one eyebrow raised questioningly. Breathing as steadily as she can, Amy finally catches up and shakes her head slightly. “Could you walk a little slower?” She asks the question sheepishly, embarrassed to ask but knowing that if she doesn’t, she could realistically pass out before they make it to wherever Rosa has chosen for lunch.

Rosa furrows her brows, as if confused by the question, but then says a slow, “Sure.” Amy smiles in relief, feeling less scared of Rosa than she did five minutes ago, but then Rosa frowns and the fear comes flooding back. “Did you drop something?” Rosa asks, and Amy realises that her fellow detective’s eyes are focused on the ground behind her. Amy watches as Rosa begins to walk towards the spot that her gaze is focused on.

Confusion flooding her veins, Amy turns around just on time to see Rosa pick the white envelope up off of the concrete.

Amy feels her eyes widen, the world feeling like it fades into slow motion as she lunges towards Rosa. “Oh! Yeah, that’s mine!” She reaches out in an attempt to snatch the envelope back, but Rosa pulls it away at the last second, raising her eyebrows in question of Amy’s action. “ _Rosa_ , give it back,” Amy whines, crossing her arms over her chest defensively and pouting slightly.

“Don’t get your panties in a twist, Santiago,” Rosa says plainly. She stares at Amy for a moment before shrugging nonchalantly and holding the envelope out towards her. “Fine. If you don’t want to tell me what’s going on with you, then here.”

Amy immediately grabs the envelope out of Rosa’s grip, grasping it tightly against her chest. Rosa remains in the same spot, crossing her arms over her chest, and if Amy didn’t know better, she’d say she saw a flicker of concern on the other woman’s face for just a second.

“Thanks.” Amy finally says in a very quiet voice, feeling slightly embarrassed by what was a feeble initial attempt to get the envelope back from Rosa but also feeling much more confident now that the item is back in her possession.

Rosa stares blankly at her for a moment. “Is it from a doctor? It’s not, uh,” she mutters, then diverts her gaze, looking entirely out of her depth in this conversation, “uh, your back- it’s not- are you okay?” She finally looks back at Amy with a somewhat sheepish look on her face and it finally sinks in for Amy that Rosa is actually _concerned_ about her.

It shouldn’t be this much of a shock to her. Of course, Amy has always been aware that, deep down, her fellow detective cares for her, but this is one of very few instances when Rosa has actually _showed_ it, and Amy finds herself spluttering incoherently before a bashful smile spreads across her face, much to Rosa’s clearly apparent horror.

“Aww, you’re worried about me,” Amy coos happily before she can stop herself, her posture changing from a defensive stance to an open one, her back straightening up and the hand holding her envelope dropping from her chest.

Rosa rolls her eyes in response. “Whatever,” she says, immediately turning to continue walking in the other direction.

“Wait!” Amy cries out, fighting the urge to grab Rosa’s arm as a way of stopping her lest she receive a punch in the face. “Sorry. Wait.” For Rosa to admit that she is worried she must be _really_ worried, and anyway, Amy has to tell everyone at some point. Why not start now, even if it is a little before the twelve-week safe mark? “Here.” Amy extends her arm, holding the envelope out towards her colleague-turned-friend.

Rosa gazes at the envelope for a few moments, as if contemplating her next move, and then she takes it from Amy’s hand apprehensively. Amy feels her heart speed up as she watches Rosa slip an image out of the envelope, noticing the way her eyes widen just slightly as she takes in the image. Amy holds her breath nervously, awaiting the moment when Rosa finally looks back up at her.

“Is this- are you pregnant?” Rosa asks, her tight grip on the picture not going unnoticed by Amy, who nods slightly.

“I am.” Amy says, breathing a sigh of relief. It actually feels nice to tell someone who she doesn’t have either a complicated emotional or professional relationship with. Like, _really_ nice. Unexpectedly nice, like a weight being lifted from her weakened shoulders.

“Are you happy?” Rosa asks, and Amy nods rapidly, her smile widening slightly. A rare, albeit very subtle, smile appears on Rosa’s face too. “Awesome. Congrats.” She tucks the ultrasound picture back into the envelope and hands it back to Amy.

“Thanks, Rosa.” Amy says softly. She carefully stuffs the envelope back into her pocket, making sure to close it properly and securely this time.

The two women begin to walk down the sidewalk again, Rosa strolling much slower now so they can walk side by side. Amy is appreciative of this, understanding that for Rosa, this is something of a grand gesture.

“So, do I owe Jake a congratulations too?” Rosa asks, glancing at Amy. She is strolling along with her hands tucked into the pockets of her black leather jacket, and Amy finds herself momentarily wondering how she always manages to look so cool before her words sink in and leave Amy spluttering and in a panic.

“ _What_?” Amy exclaims, feeling completely and utterly mortified. “Why would you- the baby isn’t Jakes, Rosa!” Her stomach is filled to the brim with unease and she is trying desperately to maintain at least some semblance of composure even with her brain screaming at her animalistically to escape this situation by whatever means necessary.

Rosa removes her hands from her pockets and holds them up in surrender. “Hey, sorry dude, but you can’t blame my mind for going there.” She flashes Amy a somewhat menacing smirk. “You guys are basically all over each other. It’s disgusting.”

Amy feels her face heat up in embarrassment. “No, we aren’t!” She exclaims the words, her tone coming across about as defensive as she feels, so very.

“You are.”

“We _aren’t_.”

“You totally are.”

“Jake and I are not _all over each other_ , Rosa!” Amy says exasperatedly, turning her gaze forward to focus on the distance ahead of her, not wanting to look at Rosa for fear of crumbling as a result of her extreme embarrassment. They fall into a momentary lapse of silence as they continue to walk and if Amy could just drop it then the topic might go away and never return but of course she can’t, she’s Amy Santiago so she has to break the quiet with a sigh. “We’re just friends.”

“Do friends spend basically every night with each other after work?” Rosa asks, and Amy doesn’t bother to ask how she knows about their dinner dates, instead using all of her energy to focus on the path before her even though she can feel Rosa’s intense gaze on her.

“Yeah.” Amy replies. “Apparently they do.”

Thankfully, that is the end of the conversation, but Amy would be lying if she said that Rosa’s words don’t play over and over again in her mind like a broken record for hours afterwards, and when they return to the precinct and Jake is back at his desk, Amy has to keep her head down to hide her burning red cheeks. Rosa gives her a knowing smirk, and Amy finds her cheeks burning even brighter.

The next day is a day off for Amy, and when she wakes up at 9:30am ( _three whole hours_ later than usual), she isn’t quite sure what to do with herself. She takes her time getting ready, showers and blow dries her hair leisurely before she has a much-needed mug of coffee and a bowl of granola, and then finally, she checks her cell phone.

She has two texts. One from Teddy, and one from Jake.

She opens Teddy’s text first.

**From: Teddy Wells (7:20am)**  
**Hey, Amy. How are you doing? I’m going to the store today and I was just wondering if you need me to pick anything up for you.**

Amy rolls her eyes. She knows he is being kind, and she really appreciates it, but she is pregnant, not physically disabled. She wants to tell him that, but instead she types back and sends a generic _I’m good and thanks but no thanks_ text. Then, more excitedly than she’d care to admit, she moves on to Jake’s text.

**From: Jake Peralta (8:30am)**  
**morning ames. we still on for tonight? i can bring dinner straight from work**

**To: Jake Peralta (11:02am)**  
**Of course, but don’t worry about dinner. I can cook.**

**From: Jake Peralta (11:06am)**  
**no offence ames but please do NOT cook. dying from food poisoning is a super lame way to go lol**

**To: Jake Peralta (11:07am)**  
**Shut up, Jake. If you don’t want me to cook dinner, you can.**

**From: Jake Peralta (11:09am)**  
**sure thang. jakey p got mad cooking skillz. i’ll pick up the ingredients on my way over**

Amy rolls her eyes again, but not in the same way she did when she read Teddy’s text message. This time, she is smiling, her stomach is filled with butterflies, and she feels all giddy and excited in a way that only Jake can bring out of her. She locks her phone and presses it against her chest, right above her heart, allowing her eyelids to flutter shut and exhaling dramatically through her smiling lips.

And then she thinks about what Rosa said yesterday, and her smile instantly falls away.

In the back of her mind, Amy knows this is wrong. Or maybe not _wrong_ , but not entirely _right_ either. Nothing has happened between the two of them, they have never once crossed the line into an inappropriate relationship, but even after convincing herself not to care so much anymore yesterday, she still feels uneasy when she puts herself in Sophia’s shoes. She tries to remind herself that Jake has told her over and over again that Sophia is fine with all of this, but this fact does little to comfort Amy or ease her worrying.

She feels like she is lying to Jake, lying to Rosa, lying to the world and, worst of all, lying to herself. Things between her and Jake were obviously never meant to work out romantically and she knows this now, but that plain fact doesn’t stop the ache of longing in her chest, or equally the pit of guilt in her stomach.

Amy’s not sure how it happens but, somehow, she ends up curled up on the couch under a blanket, scrolling through Jake’s Facebook page and shoving square after square of chocolate into her mouth.

She finds out quickly that the last time Jake posted anything was last week, and it is a photo of the two of them together. She remembers the exact moment that he took the picture, remembers him approaching the side of her desk with his cell phone in his hand and telling her to smile. She had rolled her eyes with a small smirk on her face while he pulled the goofiest expression that he could and snapped the photo. She finds herself smiling all over again now, studying Jake’s face and the way his eyes seem to twinkle through the screen.

The caption is simply a heart emoji, and Amy finds her heart fluttering at the sight of it, but then she scrolls down and is hit in the face with a photo of Jake and Sophia and the fluttering is replaced with the feeling of her heart shrivelling up and dying. She stares at the photo for a moment, not daring to move a muscle, not daring to even scroll past it and try to forget.

Then, finally, she begins to scroll back and forth between the two photos. Between Jake and Sophia and Jake and Amy.

He looks happy in both of the photos and, regretfully, it makes her think that maybe he could be happy with either of them, that maybe, if he were given the choice, he would choose Amy. She thinks, for just a moment, that maybe, just _maybe_ , _she_ could make him happy, and then she feels disgusted by her own thoughts all over again. How could she ever allow herself to think this way, to think these things?

She closes the application quickly and tosses her phone to the other side of the couch, watching as it bounces on the cushion before settling, screen faced down. With a loud groan, she buries her face in the blanket covering her body and tries to focus her thoughts on anything _but_ Jake Peralta.

Turns out, the only way to succeed in the task she has set herself is to go to sleep, so that is exactly what she does. She squeezes her eyes closed and gives into the currently ever-present fatigued feeling, figuring that a mid-afternoon nap can’t do her any harm.

She is awoken hours later by the doorbell ringing, stirring her from her peaceful slumber. She shoots upright, shocked by the sound for a moment before the nature of it sinks in. As she tries to find her bearings, she reaches out and fumbles around on the coffee table for her huge, plastic glasses before sliding them onto her face. She stumbles to the door, wrapping the blanket around her shoulders to keep her warm as she goes.

When Amy unlocks the door and swings it open, Jake is standing on her doorstep, workbag thrown over one shoulder and plastic grocery bag in his hand.

“Hey,” Amy mumbles sleepily, teetering out of the way so Jake can enter the apartment. She reaches up to push her glasses up her nose, and finds herself thinking about how, just under a month ago, Jake would have most definitely made fun of her for wearing them but now, he is pretty much used to it. It’s a strange, disorienting thought.

“Did I wake you?” Jake asks as he slips his shoes off and Amy lets the door fall closed. She nods, her eyelids feeling unexplainably heavy. “Sorry, Ames. Go back to sleep. I can handle dinner.” He reaches out to touch her upper arm with his free hand and his smile is warm and reassuring. He removes her glasses carefully.

Amy doesn’t need anymore encouragement before she turns, marches unsteadily back to the couch and falls flat onto her face. The last thing that she sees before she drifts back off to sleep is Jake placing her glasses on the coffee table and the last thing that she hears is a soft, quiet chuckle from him.

The same chuckle plays over and over again in her dreams. So much for sleeping allowing her to escape him.

When Amy wakes up, after how long she doesn’t know, the smell of food is the first thing to hit her. Slowly and with great effort, she pulls herself into an upright position, grabbing her glasses and slipping them onto her face. Her vision slowly unblurs itself as she looks around the room. A quiet hum of music is coming from the kitchen and Amy glances over her shoulder as she remembers Jake’s presence in the small apartment. He has his back to her, but she can see that his arms are moving as he works on dinner.

“Jake,” Amy mutters groggily, “m’up.” She reaches under her glasses to rub the sleep out of her eyes and Jake throws a smile over his shoulder at her.

“Ah, finally. Missed you.” He flashes her his biggest puppy dog eyes and she smiles sheepishly, stretching her arms over her head and yawning quietly.

“I see you haven’t burned the apartment down yet.” Amy grins, earning a breathy laugh from Jake. She takes a deep inhale of the smell and her stomach growls quietly. Only now does she realise how hungry she actually is, reaching up to wipe a little bit of drool from the corner of her mouth. “It smells good.”

“Thanks.” Jake glances over his shoulder to smile softly at her and then goes back to focusing on the food before him. “Hey, now that you’re awake, would you mind grabbing my juice? I’m pretty thirsty. It’s in my bag.” He sounds slightly distracted as he talks, and it reminds Amy of how he is when he is reviewing evidence before an important interrogation.

“Sure.”

Amy stands up slowly, still half-asleep, and stumbles towards where Jake’s bag lays on the floor next to her front door. She bends over and unzips it fully, rolling her eyes when she spots the bright blue drink that Jake is referring to. She reaches in, grabs it and is ready to take it to the kitchen when something else in the bag catches her eye and stops her in her tracks.

A book.

Amy screws her face up, processing how unusual this is for Jake. It is poorly hidden, and if Jake was in the room right now, he’d distract her for long enough that she’d forget about it, and then he’d hide it away and it would never come up again.

But, as it is, Jake is not in the room. Jake is in the kitchen, and he isn’t here to stop her from pulling to thick book out of the bag as she sinks down to her knees to get a closer look. And suddenly, Amy has forgotten why she was even raking around in Jake’s bag in the first place, because in her hands, she holds a well-loved copy of _The Day-by-Day Pregnancy Book_ and the realisation makes her breath catch in her throat.

Something, an emotion that Amy can’t quite decipher yet, is rising in her chest as she clutches the book in her hands. It has been used frequently, she can tell by the hundreds of dog-eared pages and, when she flips through the first few chapters, the fact that most of the pages are written on. She lands on a random page and finally has time to notice the familiar, messy handwriting for what it is.

 _morning sickness gone at nine weeks_ with a tiny smiley face at the side.

“Ames?” His voice is right there, closer than it should be, alerting her to the fact that he is no longer in the kitchen, but it is too late to hide the book and pretend she never spotted it. The door has been opened and, no matter how either of them feel about it, it can never be closed again. “Everything okay? You were taking a whi- oh.” He cuts his own sentence off, and Amy finally looks over her shoulder and up at him from where she is still kneeling on the ground. “Oh- is that…?”

Amy nods slowly, holding the book up a little higher. “Jake,” she begins, her voice wobbly, and only now does she notice that there are tears in her eyes. “Is this yours?”

He stares at her with wide eyes for a moment, opening and closing his mouth as if searching for something, _anything_ to say. But then, finally, after a few long seconds, his shoulders slump slightly and he just sighs. “Yeah,” he admits sheepishly. “I’m sorry. I forgot it was in there.”

“Jake, why- why do you have this?” Amy stumbles over her words, too shocked to move even an inch as she stares up at him. She doesn’t know why she asks, isn’t even sure she wants to know, but the question escapes her mouth before she has a chance to decide otherwise.

“Well, I- I don’t know, I- I guess I thought-” Jake mutters, and then sighs again. He drops his gaze from Amy’s, reaching round to rub at the back of his neck. “I wanted to know- or to _understand_ what you’re going through and- I guess I just wanted to be able to help in any way that I can?”

Amy exhales shakily. She is entirely too stunned to think of a response, so she gives up trying, simply turning her gaze back to the book in front of her and running her thumb over the creased spine. She can feel Jake’s concerned eyes on her, and she still can’t figure out what she is feeling, can’t tell if she should scream or cry or laugh.

“Amy?” Jake’s voice is unsteady. “Are you okay?”

Her hands are shaking, her vision blurring with tears, and she shakes her head. “I don’t know,” she says quietly. “H-how long have you had this?”

Jake sighs and finally approaches her, his steps slow and careful as he begins to speak. “Since the day after you told me you were pregnant.” He finally reaches her and sinks down to the floor, settling onto the carpet beside her. “I found it in that bookstore you love. The one a few streets away from the precinct.” He exhales shakily. “I’m so sorry, Ames. I swear I didn’t think you’d find it.”

“Jake,” Amy breathes, finally looking up at him, her tear-filled eyes meeting his worried gaze. “This- oh my God, this is so thoughtful.” A very small, tentative smile lights up his face in response and she looks back at the book, flipping carefully through the pages. “You took notes, you- you recorded my mood. I just- Jake, I can’t believe you did this for _me_.” Tears are streaming down her face and she laughs disbelievingly through them. Jake’s smile is widening now, and Amy can hear her heartbeat in her ears, and all she can do is mutter, “Thank you,” before she throws herself into his arms.

Jake’s arms wrap around her without hesitation and she buries her face in his chest, breathes in the smell that she has become so familiar and comfortable with. Jake’s face is in the crook of her neck, and his warm breath is fanning over her shoulder, making her skin tingle, and she could die happy right here in his arms. She grasps onto him for dear life, never wanting to let him go, never wanting this moment, in his arms with the book pressed between them, to end.

His hands trail down to the small of her back and the movement sends a shiver through her, and then, she feels an unexpected, chaste kiss to her neck where his face is placed, causing her to freeze up. Her brain becomes immediately clouded with emotion, and it is entirely too difficult for her to decipher this feeling, to tell whether it is confusion, disappointment or want.

She pulls away suddenly, feeling Jake’s arms drop from her sides, his bottom lip drawn between his teeth nervously. “I’m sorry, I didn’t-”

She silences him with her lips on his.

Jake’s body takes a moment to respond, but when he eventually seems to process what is happening, his warm hand comes up to cup Amy’s cheek and he melts into her. He hums quietly against her lips, sending a pleasant wave of vibrations through her body. Amy reaches up to bury her hand in his hair, pulling his face impossibly closer to hers and holding him there as their lips move in a slow, steady kiss.

Amy feels all the tension that has been building between them for _years_ slowly slip away. She feels his hands on her waist, gently pulling her into his lap and she responds immediately, straddling him as she leans further into him, planting her free hand firmly on his chest and grasping the material of his shirt. His hand still placed softly on her jaw, he deepens the kiss, and Amy whimpers contentedly, overcome and intoxicated with the feeling of his hands on her body and his lips on her. He feels like _home_ , and it is a feeling stronger and more overpowering than she has ever experienced before.

Jake disconnects from her slowly, pulling away just far enough that their eyes can meet. His gaze is intense and darkened, and he swipes his thumb along her kiss-bruised lips. “Ames,” he murmurs softly, and she shakes her head slightly.

“Shhh. Don’t say anything.” Amy mutters, and then pulls him back into her, planting her lips firmly on his again.

Jake’s hands are on her thighs, and he responds to the kiss immediately this time, his lips moving in tandem with hers as soon as they meet. And then, just as soon as his lips are back on hers, they are gone again, trailing down her chin and jaw and then onto her neck. Amy sighs contentedly, her eyelids dropping closed as she runs one hand through his soft curls and the other up and down his neck.

“You’re- so- perfect-” he whispers against her skin, his words punctuated by gentle kisses to her neck and she finds herself smiling, smiling wider than ever before, and she wants to stay in this moment for the rest of her life, wishes this could last forever.

But, with a jolt back to reality, Amy realises that it can’t. It simply _can’t_ , because Jake has a girlfriend, and this is so, completely, horrifically _wrong_. The realisation that someone else’s boyfriend is currently nibbling on the sensitive skin of her neck is like a bucket of ice water being dumped on top of her.

“J-Jake,” she stutters in a slightly panicked voice, her heart rate quickening to an almost impossible pace. Jake simply hums against her skin in acknowledgement, continuing to place gentle kisses to her neck. “We- no- stop.” Her hands find his shoulders, involuntarily pushing him away from her as she attempts to escape his grip.

As soon as Jake has had adequate time to process Amy’s words and physical actions, his hands drop from her hips and his head pulls away from her neck. She clambers backwards out of his lap, falling with a thud to the floor behind her as the reality of the situation courses through her. She stares at him with horror in her eyes.

“Amy, are you okay?” Jake asks quickly, his eyebrows drawn together in obvious concern as he reaches out towards her. He seems, understandably, alarmed by the sudden change of pace.

“Oh my god, Jake,” Amy whispers, reaching up to grip her hair as tightly as she can. “I- I’m so sorry.” She can feel her throat drying up, not sure whether to hate herself for initiating the act or to hate Jake for allowing it to happen.

“Ames? What?” His eyes are filled with confusion and worry as he straightens his back out slightly, wiping at his lips; the place where Amy had been kissing him just moments ago. The thought makes her shudder violently.

“Jake, you have a _girlfriend_.” Amy mutters, shooting to her feet quicker than she thought she was capable of. She begins to pace, feeling Jake’s eyes on her but not looking back at him. “Oh my God. How could we let this happen?” She wants to scream, wants to cry, wants to curl up into a ball and just disappear for a while. Just for long enough to figure things out, for things to go back to normal.

“Ames,” Jake says, rising to his feet. He is holding out his hands as if he wants to touch her but thinks better of it, and Amy just continues to pace, not wanting to acknowledge his presence. “Ames, listen to me.”

“No, no, no,” she says hysterically, coming to a stand still and pulling at her hair slightly. She barely feels like she can breathe, panting as a way to get even the smallest bit of oxygen to her brain. She comes to a standstill and swivels round to face Jake, dropping her hands to her side.

“Ames,” he says again, taking a few tentative steps towards her. “Ames, calm down.” He reaches out and lays a hand on her arm, but she snatches it backwards quickly, taking a few steps away from him.

“D-don’t touch me,” she stutters, eyes widen and deranged. “Leave. You have to leave.” She points towards the door and he opens his mouth to protest, so she simply takes one long stride towards him and pushes him towards the door. “ _Leave_!”

“Amy. Come on. Give me a chance-”

“Leave!” She frantically unlocks the door, swinging it open and gesturing outwards. When it becomes clear that Jake doesn’t plan on listening, she stomps towards him and grabs him by the arm, dragging him towards the door.

He mutters out apologies, begs for her to listen, but they are blocked out by the ringing in Amy’s ears. She gives him one last shove and he lands outside of the apartment. He has barely had the time to swing around and give her one last pleading look before she slams the door closed and locks it.

She pauses, suddenly overcome by the immediate silence. She takes a few stumbling steps backwards, staring at the door in complete shock, her lips burning where Jake had kissed them only moments ago. Her breathing is loud and unsteady, and just when she thinks he is gone, he begins to talk again.

“Ames, please let me explain.” He whispers, and she can hear the pleading in his voice, the desperation. She remains silent, and they both fall into complete quiet, neither of them speaking. Then finally, Jake sighs and whispers, “ _Please_.”

Amy swallows thickly. “ _Go_ , Jake,” she says simply, and then she turns on her heel and runs towards her bedroom, not waiting for a response.

She slams her bedroom door closed and sinks down to the floor, collapsing into a tirade of intense, body-shaking sobs. She stays there for a long time, her sobs finally easing up into whimpers until she is finally silent, the sound of her breathing the only thing filling the room. She trails her fingertips along the soft carpet, waiting for peace and solace to find her.

It never does.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for taking a few days longer than normal to update! this chapter was actually a bit of a struggle for me to write so hopefully it has turned out okay! 
> 
> let me know what you think, i always love talking to you guys! <3


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rosa and Gina help Amy figure out her feelings and Amy confronts Jake.

Amy calls in sick to work the next day.

She also receives eleven texts from Jake in the first half hour after she calls Captain Holt to tell him that she won’t be able to make it in.

She hates herself for showing such weakness, for not attending work because of something that occurred in her _personal_ life, but she just can’t face it. She _can’t_ see Jake right now, because she can already picture the look on his face in her mind and she knows it would just simultaneously confuse her and break her heart all at once all over again. She just isn’t ready. She isn’t ready to look him in the eye again and, most of all, she isn’t ready to go back to ignoring the feelings between them, to pretend that what happened last night never happened at all.

She _wants_ to hate Jake just as much as she hates herself right now. She _wants_ to hate him for allowing her to kiss him, for not immediately putting a stop to what happened between them, for not remembering he had a _girlfriend_ and that what they were doing was completely wrong and unforgivable before she did, but she just can’t bring herself to feel negatively enough about him. Deep down, Amy believes and will probably always believe that Jake is an inherently good guy with good intentions, and that he didn’t mean for what happened between them last night to happen anymore than she did herself. Ultimately, she can’t stop herself from believing that Jake would’ve put a stop to it sooner had the reality of the situation sunk in for him before it had occurred to Amy.

It never should’ve happened. Amy never should’ve kissed him first, and Jake never should’ve kissed her back. It was completely despicable of them both to do such an awful thing to Sophia behind her back. Amy will never forgive herself, and she wishes she could say the same for her feelings towards Jake but honestly, the thing worrying her the most right now is that she _will_ forgive him, and she isn’t sure he deserves forgiveness any more than she does.

At nine-thirty, Amy’s cell phone screen lights up with another text message. She glares at it where it lays face-up on the coffee table, quite certain that she has just received another text from Jake. In one quick movement, she snatches the phone and holds it up to her face, knitting her eyebrows together confusedly, because instead of the name _Jake Peralta_ being displayed on her phone, the text has come from the _Ladies of the Nine-Nine_ group text. She opens the text chain with little hesitation.

**From: Rosa Diaz (9:29am)**  
**Santiago, where are you? It’s not like you to call in sick.**

**From: Gina Linetti (9:30am)**  
**yeah girl where u @? should we be worried?**

Amy bites down on the inside of her cheek, pondering her response. She types out a simple message telling both of the women that she has the flu and that they shouldn’t worry about her, but then another text message slides into view as her thumb hovers over the send button.

**From: Rosa Diaz (9:36am)**  
**Peralta is acting weird. Did he do something dumb? You want me to kick his ass?**

Amy finds herself smiling just slightly. After everything that happened last night, she had pretty much completely forgotten that Rosa had been aware of her pregnancy for almost forty-eight hours now, and the conversation they had about Jake comes flooding back to her. It has become clear that Amy must trust her fellow detective or else she wouldn’t have told her about the baby, and it is quite frankly a well-known fact that Rosa Diaz is a master when it comes to keeping secrets, especially when it comes to her own personal life. Gina might be more of a gossiper than Rosa, but Amy still feels like she can trust her, and talking to some female friends about this might just be the best thing for her right now.

With only a little bit of reluctance, Amy types a new message and presses the send button.

**To: Rosa Diaz & Gina Linetti (9:41am)**  
**No, I don’t want you to kick his ass, but I do want you both to come over for lunch. I really need to vent right now.**

She receives confirmation of their attendance just moments later, and she finds herself feeling just a little bit more hopeful than she did a few hours ago. She didn’t sleep last night, and she’s watched so many reruns of _Friends_ in the last six hours that she’s pretty sure she is starting to go a little crazy. The thought of talking to her friends about her situation is somewhat reassuring, if not daunting since one of the friends is typically terrifying and basically emotionless, and the other is the mean girl of the precinct who never hesitates to poke fun at Amy’s pantsuits or low ponytails.

Amy avoids the kitchen, not wanting to have to face the fact that the food Jake was preparing is still there, half ready and never to be eaten. She wears her comfiest clothes, faded old yoga pants and a sweatshirt, and then she leaves the apartment, trying her best to ignore the book lying on the floor, not wanting to remember the way it felt pressed between them as they kissed.

She goes to the store first to pick up some lunch for Rosa and Gina because she can’t bear the thought of having to clear up the food Jake left behind and anyway, she isn’t sure they’d want to eat her cooking after all, and then she drops by a small coffee shop a few blocks away from her apartment. She takes a seat near the window, thinking that a mug of coffee and a good book might distract her for at least a little while.

As it turns out, she is wrong.

In fact, by the time she gets up to head back to her apartment, she can’t honestly say she has spent even a moment thinking of anything other than Jake. Halfway through her stay, she gives up on trying to focus on her book and uses the spare pen in her pocket to scribble down a pros and cons list titled _Dating Jake Peralta_. Pros: _Amy likes Jake._ Cons: _Jake has a girlfriend_. Needless to say, she scrunches up the napkin and throws it in the trash with an unnecessary amount of aggression as she leaves the shop.

Back at her apartment, Amy dumps the large tray of assorted sandwiches down on the coffee table and then collapses onto her couch. Her mind involuntarily begins to travel back to her cell phone and the many unopened texts from Jake on it, the object suddenly starting to burn like a hot poker in her pocket, and after a few excruciating moments of trying to fight the urge to look at them, she finally gives in and retrieves her phone. With a reluctant sigh, she opens her text chain with Jake, tactfully choosing to ignore the multiple missed calls she has received from him since she physically marched him out of her apartment last night.

**From: Jake Peralta (7:20am)**  
**ames please answer my calls. i’m worried about u**

**From: Jake Peralta (7:52am)**  
**amy please just let me explain myself**

**From: Jake Peralta (8:30am)**  
**holt just told me u called in sick?? call me???**

**From: Jake Peralta (8:32am)**  
**please just tell me ur ok. i’m worried sick ames**

She locks her phone then and stuffs it back into her sweatshirt pocket quickly, not daring to read through the rest of Jake’s messages. The few texts that she _did_ read have already made her eyes fill with tears, and she can’t be sure that she’ll have the self-control to prevent herself from calling Jake if she lays eyes on the rest of them.

Amy squeezes her eyes closed, gripping the couch cushion below her as tightly as she can and exhaling shakily. She wishes that she could just forget for a second – about Jake, about the kiss, about _everything_. Things are just so complicated, _too_ complicated, and all she wants is a few peaceful, stress-free seconds; just long enough for her brain to catch up, because right now, Amy has the overwhelming feeling that she hasn’t had the chance to properly process anything going on in her life lately.

When she finally reopens her eyes after a few moments of refreshing darkness, she finds that they are immediately drawn directly towards the thick book that is still lying where she and Jake left it on the carpeted floor. With a deep breath to steady herself, she slowly rises to her feet, giving in to the urge to inspect the copy of _The Day-by-Day Pregnancy Book_ in more detail. After all, she’d barely had time to read the notes yesterday what with all the heavy emotions flooding her body at the time.

Her steps towards the book are slow and steady, the quiet of the room suddenly hitting her full force as she focuses on the long, slightly wobbly breaths she is taking in order to keep herself calm. It takes longer than it should, but then, finally, she is standing just a few centimetres away from the book. She stares down at it, studying its tattered edges and creased spine, and then, just as she is about to reach out and pick it up, the doorbell rings.

Amy flinches, shock coursing through her veins as a result of the sudden and entirely unexpected loud noise. For a moment, all she can do is stand there like a deer caught in headlights, too stunned to move, but then the doorbell rings again and she snaps back to reality. She gives the book one last regretful stare before she moves to open the front door.

Gina doesn’t wait to be invited inside before she barges past Amy and into the apartment, leaving Amy flustered and confused. Rosa, on the other hand, gives Amy a slightly apologetic frown and doesn’t enter the apartment until Amy gestures for her to do so.

“Ah, just as I remembered it,” Gina says, before she spins back around to look at Amy, the latter of which is busying herself with locking the door quietly. “Were you born in your seventies, Amy? Or do you live with your grandma?”

“Gina, give her a break,” Rosa hisses, elbowing Gina roughly in the side but keeping her somewhat concerned gaze focused on Amy.

Amy has a sneaking suspicion that she probably looks quite terrified at the moment, her back pressed up against the door and her eyes wide as she wonders whether inviting two of the most intense people in her life over was her best idea considering her current state.

“It was a genuine question, Rosa,” Gina replies coolly, turning her upper body towards Rosa who rolls her eyes in response.

Amy clears her throat quietly, immediately gaining both of the other women’s attention, both of them turning their torsos to stare at her intently. Amy swallows thickly and then takes a step towards them, disconnecting her back from the cold wood of the front door.

“Okay. Before we talk, there’s something I have to tell you, Gina. Rosa already knows.” Amy directs her body towards Gina, who’s expression doesn’t change as she waits for Amy to continue. Amy takes a deep, shaky breath. “I’m pregnant.”

“Huh, no kidding,” Gina replies casually, crossing her arms over her chest and leaning backwards slightly as she stares plainly at Amy.

“Seriously? That’s it?” Amy replies, partly relieved and partly confused. She knows Gina isn’t an easy person to surprise, but she’d be lying if she said she didn’t expect at least a little more of a reaction than this.

“What did you expect me to say? _Anyone_ could get pregnant. _I_ could get pregnant.” Gina points towards herself with one hand and places the other in a fist on her hip while Rosa rolls her eyes for the second time in the span of only a few minutes.

“Well, yeah, but… you _didn’t_ …?” Amy wrinkles her nose up in complete confusion, crossing her arms over her chest.

“I’m just messing, Ames.” Gina laughs sharply. “Come here.” She opens her arms, taking a few short steps towards Amy. “Come to Gines.”

“Oh,” Amy squeaks out in response, taking a few waddling steps forward until Gina is hugging her so tightly that she thinks she might suffocate (typical Gina, she can never be chill about anything).

“Congratulations,” Gina says as she releases Amy from her bone-crushing hug.

“Thanks, Gina,” Amy replies sheepishly, a small smile creeping onto her face as she reaches up to push a strand of hair behind her ear.

Gina smiles somewhat warmly, not missing a beat before she responds to Amy’s words.

“Now, tell us what happened, my sad little friend.”

Amy spends the next half an hour recounting the story of the past few weeks to Rosa and Gina, who both, to Amy’s surprise (especially in Gina’s case), stay pretty much entirely silent the whole time. It actually feels unbelievably nice to get everything off of her chest at first, like an impossibly heavy weight being lifted from her shoulders, but then comes the time when she has to explain what happened last night, and the nerves come rushing back to her all at once. She is quite sure that her friends will be disgusted, or at least disappointed, by her despicable actions, but it is much too late to back out of telling them now, with both of them sat on the floor on the other side of the coffee table as she sits cross-legged on her couch.

“So then, last night while he was cooking, I found _that_ book,” she nods towards the book where it lays on the floor, “and- and I don’t know. It’s a book about pregnancy, and it’s all dog-eared and scribbled on, and I guess I just thought it was really sweet, and- and I kind of… kissed him.”

“Ooh, get it, girl!” Gina speaks for the first time since Amy began telling her story, her entire face lighting up. “Finally!”

“Gina, this isn’t good. This is _bad_ ,” Amy whines, drawing her eyebrows together as Gina’s winks suggestively at her. “Jake has a _girlfriend_.”

“So?” Rosa speaks up, shrugging her shoulders as if kissing someone else’s boyfriend is the most normal thing in the world to her.

“ _So?_ ” Amy exclaims, throwing her hands up in the air as she finally begins to really consider the fact that Rosa and Gina might not be the best people to discuss this matter with. “So, he has a _girlfriend_ , Rosa! A girlfriend that he _cheated_ on! With _me_!”

“Oh, get over yourself, Amy.” Gina rolls her eyes. “Yeah, Jake _likes_ Sophia. He _likes_ her, but the guy is _in love_ with you.”

Amy gapes at Gina with wide eyes, spluttering as she tries and fails to formulate an appropriate response to Gina’s claim. Eventually, she settles for, “ _What?_ ”

Rosa shrugs. “Gina’s right. I mean, you’d have to be blind not to see it.”

Amy glares at Rosa, crossing her arms over her chest. “Well, _I_ don’t see it.”

“Then you’re blind,” Rosa replies plainly.

“Come on, guys. Jake isn’t in love with me.” There is a hint of desperation to Amy’s voice, a very slight but unmissable wobble of worry and embarrassment. Her heart is racing, and she suddenly regrets her decision to ever invite the two of them over, wishes she’d just continued hiding in her little world of denial for at least the rest of today.

“Believe what you want,” Gina shrugs her shoulders, “but listen to me, Amy.” She leans forward, placing both of her hands on the coffee table and clasping them together, her expression morphing into something more serious than it was before. “I’ve known Jake since, like, _forever_ , and even I’ve never seen him this into someone. He has feelings for you, and I think you have feelings for him too.”

Amy shakes her head. “It doesn’t matter how I feel. Jake cheated on Sophia, and I _let_ him. If that isn’t definitive proof that we wouldn’t be good together then I don’t know what is.” She sighs, combing a hand through her hair.

Rosa and Gina share a glance, and then finally, Rosa shrugs her shoulders slightly. “If that’s really what you want, Santiago, then fine, but just don’t leave things with Jake on bad terms.”

“It is. It is what I want.”

Amy somehow manages to say the words with more confidence than she feels, but something about the way Gina eyes her suspiciously tells her that her sassy friend sees right through her façade.

The next day, Amy rushes by Jake’s bag and book, not allowing herself to look at either object for more than a few short seconds before she leaves the apartment. If she is honest with herself, she wants nothing more than a reason to wallow in her own self pity for another day, and reading the book would likely be a good excuse, but she can’t afford to take another day off of work. She’s already upset with herself for skipping out on yesterday’s shift, she doesn’t need to feel worse.

Her stomach is a bundle of nerves as she drives to work and parks outside the precinct because she knows that as soon as she walks through those doors, there is no going back. She will have to face Jake, and she still hasn’t been able to figure out how she actually feels about that, even after an overwhelmingly sleepless night of worry last night.

As soon as Amy enters the bullpen, Jake’s head shoots up, and his eyes meet with hers, his face instantly softening. He looks exhausted and unbelievably _sad_ , and Amy doesn’t want to have to process it, doesn’t want to have to wonder how he is feeling, so she doesn’t give herself time, instead diverting her gaze and marching straight past their shared desk.

She ends up in the evidence lockup, gripping onto one of the cardboard boxes in front of her for support as she tries to steady her breathing, the only thought racing through her mind being that _this is going to be much harder than she thought._

She has her back to the door, but when she hears it swing open, there is no doubt in her mind that the person entering the evidence lockup behind her is Jake. She closes her eyes, taking a shaky breath and gripping the cardboard box so hard that her knuckles are sure to be turning white. She waits for him to talk, silence enveloping the two detectives until suddenly, Jake’s voice fills the space around her.

“Amy,” he murmurs, his voice sounding very fragile, like it might break at any moment. “I’ve been so worried about you.”

“Sorry,” Amy mutters in response. She steadies herself, blowing an exhale through her nose and waiting for him to continue.

“I know you’re mad at me, and you have every right to be, but please, Amy. Just hear me out.”

She isn’t sure what to say, can’t decide whether to scream at him or kiss him. Instead, she just remains silent, listening to his soft footsteps as he takes a few strides towards her. She continues staring down at the files in front of her, her eyes tracing over and over where both of their names are signed on a case that they closed last month, before any of this happened, back when things were still normal.

“I haven’t been completely honest with you.” Jake’s voice quivers, breaking on the final word of his sentence, and Amy hears him take a deep breath. In her heart, she wants nothing more than to comfort him, but it just isn’t the time. Not now. “Sophia and I broke up a few days ago.”

The statement hits her like a blow to the chest, knocking the air out of her lungs and leaving her gasping for breath. She takes a few stumbling steps back, falling right into Jake who, annoyingly but completely expectedly, is there to catch her. He places a firm grip on her upper arms, holding her upright, and she hears him say her name, but all she can focus on is breathing, worried that she might not be able to if she doesn’t put all her energy into it.

“You- you didn’t tell me?” Amy whispers, straightening herself out. Jake doesn’t release his grip on her arms, so she pulls herself away from him, desperate to disconnect herself from him. She turns to face him quickly, dizzying herself slightly but not really caring. “Why? Why didn’t you tell me?”

Jake looks even more exhausted up close. His eyes are red, encapsulated in dark purple rings, and his shoulders are slumped. His eyebrows are drawn together in worry, and the way he swallows as his eyes meet with hers tells Amy that he is trying not to cry, attempting to hold himself together exactly the way she is.

“I- I don’t know. It was dumb.” He reaches up to rub his face with the palm of his hand, releasing a sigh. “I was embarrassed. I didn’t want you to know why we broke up. I didn’t want to put any pressure on you. I- I don’t know.”

“Why, Jake?” Amy asks desperately. “Why did you break up?”

Jake shakes his head. “I- Sophia ended things because- because she thought I had feelings for you.”

Amy swallows thickly. Her heart is hammering against her ribcage, threatening to burst out of her chest, and she reaches up to clutch at the material of her shirt just above it. “And do you?” She squeaks the words out into a barely understandable jumble. By the look on Jake’s face, he understands just fine, but she clarifies in a calmer, more even tone. “Do you have feelings for me?”

Jake opens his mouth to reply, then promptly closes it. He looks away, and it feels like years before he looks back up at Amy, his eyebrows knitted together. And then finally, his voice soft, he says, “Yeah. Yeah, I do.”

“Oh,” Amy breathes, closing her eyes. Her mind is racing too quickly for her to comprehend, millions of thoughts being thrown at her all at once, and she doesn’t know what to say, can’t say anything at all.

“Yeah,” Jake says sheepishly, and then he sighs quietly. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier, Ames. I just- like I said, I didn’t want to pressure you, especially not right now, but I- I really like you, Amy. I like you _so_ much.”

“Jake,” Amy says quietly, and then she feels his hand on hers and her eyes shoot open. He is standing right in front of her, a very small but oh-so-very hopeful smile on his face, and it makes her heart skip a beat.

“I just- I understand if this is too much for you or if you don’t feel the same way. There’s no pressure. I just want, or _need_ , you to know how I feel. I-”

“Jake.” Amy interrupts him, giving his hand a small, feeble squeeze. His head shoots up in response, his eyes meeting hers, and his face is filled with an intense amount of hope and worry. She feels a smile spread across her face as she shakes her head slightly. “Just shut up and kiss me.”

Jake’s eyes widen an almost impossible amount as Amy reaches up with her free hand to pull him into her by the back of his neck, her lips meeting his in one amazing moment. It doesn’t take long for Jake to respond to the kiss, one hand coming up to cup her cheek and the other separating from her hand to wrap tightly around her waist, pulling her in even closer to him until her body is pressed flush against his. Amy moves both her arms to wrap around his neck, smiling into the kiss and feeling him smile back.

The kiss is long, slow, and intense, and when Amy finally pulls back for air, Jake’s eyes are twinkling and he murmurs, “Woah,” making Amy blush an immeasurable amount.

Jake leans back in and places three short pecks to her smiling lips in quick succession, his hand never leaving its spot on her cheek. She gazes up at him, enjoying the way his arm feels wrapped around her waist, his hand trailing up and down her hip lazily.

“Are you sure about this?” Jake asks, drawing his eyebrows together, his expression becoming serious again.

Amy bites her bottom lip. “ _Yes_ ,” she whispers honestly, and the grin returns to Jake’s face as he pulls her into a tight hug, lifting her off of her feet and spinning her around and around in the air as she giggles and shrieks.

And they have a lot to talk about, _too_ much in fact, but one thing is certain. Right here, right now, as Jake spins her round and round in the middle of the evidence lockup, she feels happy, and for the first time in her life, not having a plan is quite alright with Amy Santiago.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY, huh!? 
> 
> i really hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! kudos and comments, although never expected, are always appreciated! 
> 
> thank you if you’ve stuck with me up until this point! <3


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amy and Jake try to navigate their new almost-relationship in the aftermath of Jake’s confession, and Amy realises it might be time to tell her family the news.

When he finally places her back down on solid ground, when she has ridden out the wave of giggles and squeals that he brought out of her and when the room has stopped spinning around her, Amy kisses Jake again.

It is a surreal feeling, finally being able to kiss him whenever she wants after months, or really, if she allows herself to admit it, _years_ of pining after him. She clings onto his shoulders, not wanting this moment to come to an end just yet, and his arms lock around her waist again, confirming to her that he is feeling exactly the same way.

All Amy wants is to freeze this moment in time and live in it forever, but unfortunately, in the back of her mind, she is aware that one, this is impossible, and two, they are still at _work_ , so finally, she begrudgingly peels herself away from Jake. It takes all her self-control not to immediately kiss him again when she catches sight of the soft look on his face.

“Well, that was…” Amy begins quietly, but she never quite finds the words to finish her sentence, so she just trails off into silence.

“Amazing,” Jake finishes for her, grinning lopsidedly, his thumb gently running over the slight curve of Amy’s hip over and over again. “That was amazing.”

“It was,” Amy agrees with a nod, her face flushing and her bashful smile widening slightly. She reaches up to brush her fingertips over the soft skin of Jake’s cheek and he shudders under her touch. “We should go back to the bullpen,” she says dreamily, “before Boyle gets suspicious.”

“We should.” Jake nods slightly but doesn’t remove his arms from where they are still tightly wound around Amy’s waist.

“So… are you gonna move?” Amy asks quietly.

Jake laughs in response. “Nope,” he says, drawing a soft giggle from Amy’s lips which causes him to laugh again. He leans in and places a kiss to the tip of her nose (Amy has to focus intently in order to not melt into a puddle on the floor) and then he releases his grip on her, both hands hesitating to brush against her hips only slightly. “Kidding.”

“Hmm, you’re funny,” she murmurs, crossing her arms over her chest. Jake is still close enough that she can feel the warmth of his breath fanning over her face and it is a comforting feeling.

“I know.” He grins and Amy laughs lightly, batting at his upper arm and causing his eyes to light up impossibly brighter as a result. Then his face darkens into something more serious, his eyebrows knitted together in what Amy can only assume is nervousness as he opens and closes his mouth a few times, seeming like he wants to say something but can’t quite bring himself too.

“Spit it out, Peralta,” she urges him gently, a small but reassuring smile on her face as she gives him a slight nod of encouragement.

Jake smiles sheepishly, his eyebrows still drawn together, though he suddenly appears more confident at Amy’s encouragement. “Can I see you tonight?”

Amy’s stomach fills with butterflies. “I’d love that,” she tells him, and she means it, even if she _is_ fighting to push down the thought that _they have so much to discuss_. Right now, she just wants to take some time to be happy, even if ignoring the multiple potential issues threatening their almost-relationship could be considered a dangerous level of denial.

“Great,” Jake whispers softly. The way his whole body relaxes in relief does not go unnoticed by Amy.

They stand there for a moment longer, staring into each other’s eyes and enjoying the moment, but then Amy wakes herself up, shaking her head and diverting her gaze from Jake’s. Jake clears his throat, reaching back to scratch the back of his neck, and Amy tries to hide the smile tugging at the edges of her lips.

“Seriously, we need to get out of here.” Amy laughs quietly. “If Boyle catches us in here, we are never gonna hear the end of it.”

Jake chuckles, taking a few steps back so their bodies are no longer pressed up against each other. “Good point. Let’s go.”

Amy follows closely behind Jake as they leave the evidence lockup, safe with the knowledge that Jake Peralta _likes_ her, and it takes every ounce of her willpower not to scream it from the rooftops.

The doubt doesn’t start to creep in until midday.

When Amy watches Jake and Rosa leave the bullpen, heading out of the precinct to interview some witnesses, Amy’s stomach drops, because the realisation that she and Jake can never be a _normal couple_ suddenly hits her square in the face.

Amy feels incredibly guilty because, just for a few hours, she completely forgot about the tiny baby growing in her stomach, and the sudden recollection makes her want to scream. It’s not that she doesn’t want the baby, not that she isn’t excited to become a mother. No, the issue is that she doesn’t know whether Jake is ready to be a _stepfather_.

How can she expect him to want to date her when she has a kid to look after? How can she expect him to want to watch her change the diapers and clean up the sick of another man’s baby?

She _can’t_ , is the answer. She can’t expect anything from him, and her heart launches itself upwards and lodges itself into her throat because for once things were going so damn _well_ but she can’t even allow herself to enjoy the warm feeling she has in her chest because now she has to consider the fact that Jake might not even _want_ to stick around for the long haul. Babies are a lot of work after all, and how would she feel watching him parent another woman’s child?

Amy groans, dropping her head into her hands, and then, discreetly, she finds a scrap piece of paper and starts to formulate a script.

She is only halfway done with her speech when Jake returns to the bullpen, signifying the end of both of their shifts. As she tucks the important scrap of paper into her pocket, she feels simultaneously happy to see him and, if possible, even more nervous about their situation now that she is actually looking him straight in the eye.

However, Amy is feeling about Jake though, he is heading towards their shared desk and she knows she can’t avoid facing facts any longer, so she quickly saves her paperwork and shuts the computer off. Jake has a grin on his face that makes her heart skip a beat when he finally reaches her, looking intensely excited and somewhat awkward all at once.

“Hey, you,” he says quietly, tucking his hands neatly into the pockets of his leather jacket. He tilts his head to the side discreetly, as if silently asking her how she is feeling. Amy nods slightly in response to this.

“Hey,” she says hoarsely, keeping her voice low. “How did the interviews go?”

Jake shrugs. “Alright. I mean, we didn’t find out anything we didn’t already know, but no one called me a pig, so I’d consider the whole situation a win.” Amy laughs quietly at this which makes Jake’s face light up, as if he lives to make her laugh. “Should I meet you at your place?”

“Yeah.” Amy diverts her gaze down to where her hands sit in her lap to take a steadying breath, then looks back up at Jake’s reassuring smile and bright, interested eyes, her heart immediately melting at the sight. She can’t resist the small smile that tugs at the corners of her lips, her face heating up just slightly. “Yeah. Sure.”

Jake nods. “Okay,” he says. This is Amy’s cue to stand up, grabbing her purse as she goes. “Hey, I was wondering,” Jake continues, looking somewhat sheepish when Amy removes her attention from pulling on her jacket and places it all back on him, “could I cook for you again? Properly this time?”

Amy smiles softly, her heart fluttering at the gesture and the nervous tone of Jake’s voice. “I’d really like that, Jake.”

A face-splitting grin appears on Jake’s face and he nods once, standing taller and looking overall pleased with himself. “Great.” Amy smiles back at him, throwing the strap of her purse over her shoulder. “Great. I’ll, uh- I’ll see you in, like, thirty minutes.”

Amy nods, her smile widening ever so slightly as she reaches out to place a careful hand on Jake’s shoulder. “Okay, Jake.”

Back at home, Amy finds herself squealing and doing a very embarrassing but very happy dance in the middle of her apartment. Her face spreads into what is quite possibly the biggest grin she has ever worn in her life and she can’t seem to focus on anything other than the butterflies fluttering around wildly in her stomach. At the back of her head, the intensely nervous feeling that comes over her every time she thinks about the conversation she and Jake must inevitably have regarding the not too distance future and what it means for their budding romance is still there, but it is mostly drowned out by the giddy feeling that takes over her body when she plays the sound of Jake’s words to her this morning over and over again in her mind.

_“I really like you, Amy. I like you so much.”_

God, it’s ridiculous how happy he makes her. She feels like a damn teenager again.

Jake rings the doorbell not too long after Amy has finished changing into a fresh outfit (admittedly something a bit more appealing than the sweats and old tee-shirt she usually wears after a long day at work) and she answers the door with a bounce in her step.

Amy is already over the moon, but the excitable feeling is only intensified by the sight of Jake Peralta standing on her doorstep, a bashful, lopsided smile on his face and a bouquet of red roses in his hand.

“These are for you,” he tells her softly as he holds the flowers out towards her, the fresh smell of them wafting up to meet Amy’s sense of smell (which is currently in overdrive; _thanks baby-Santiago_ ). “I hope you like them.”

“Oh, Jake,” Amy coos as she accepts them, biting her lower lip to stop herself from grinning just a bit _too_ widely as she gazes down at the handful of red roses. “I love them.” She looks back up at Jake. “Thank you so much.”

Jake merely smiles, then holds up the plastic bag in his other hand. “I brought some fresh ingredients just in case you’d, you know, thrown out the rest.”

Amy nods, slipping out of the way. “Come in.”

Amy waits on the couch while Jake prepares dinner, staring down at the short script in her hand. She reads it over and over again, her eyes scanning back and forth at superspeed as she tries to memorise each and every word. Her hands begin to shake, her body filling with nerves, and as the giddy feeling caused by the thought of Jake’s soft words and his lips on hers fades, Amy is left with nothing but worry.

She doesn’t know how to say it, doesn’t know how to ask him how her pregnancy might affect their potential relationship without making it seem like she expects something more to come of this morning, which she doesn’t. Jake kissing her doesn’t necessarily mean he wants to start a romantic relationship with her, and Amy knows that. She isn’t exactly the easiest person to be with if most of her previous dates have been anything to go by and especially now that she is about to become a mom, dating her would be more than a tiny bit complicated. She can’t expect anything from Jake. It wouldn’t be fair to.

That doesn’t mean she can’t _hope_ for more though, does it?

When the smell coming from the kitchen is just about enough to make Amy salivate and she has run through her speech a few hundred times in her head, Jake finally enters the living room, balancing a plate in each hand. Amy shoots to her feet, rushing to take a plate from him, and he smiles in thanks.

“I got it-” she tells him but cuts herself short as she looks down at the food piled onto the plate in her hands and breathes in the familiar smell wafting up towards her. “Is this boliche?” She looks back up at Jake, using her free hand to point at the food.

Jake nods, smiling sheepishly. “Yeah.”

Amy’s face softens immediately and, for what feels like at least the hundredth time today, her heart seems to grow as a result of Jake’s kindness. “Jake, this is so sweet of you. My mom used to make this all the time.”

“I know,” Jake admits, his eyes sparkling as he gazes down at Amy. “You told me last week.”

Amy sighs happily at the thought that he pays this much attention to everything she tells him, even the small and random things. “You didn’t have to do this.”

“I wanted to,” he replies.

Before long, Amy and Jake are perched side by side on the sofa with a hot plate of food on each of their laps, the news channel playing quietly in the background. The food is delicious and it definitely tastes like Jake has practiced this dish multiple times before, but Amy tries not to think of the ramifications of that fact and instead enjoys the meal, marvelling at the nostalgia the simple taste brings about.

“How is it?” Jake asks eventually, breaking into the relative silence of the room. Amy sees him glance at her out of the corner of her eye, but she remains focused on the food in front of her, running through her speech in her head once again just for good measure.

“It’s really good,” she tells him honestly, her nerves picking back up as she notices that they are both almost finished eating, meaning the difficult conversation they have to have will come into effect soon. She looks to her side to flash him a small smile. “Just as good as my mom used to make.”

Jake grins, looking pleased with himself. “That’s what I was going for.”

Amy merely nods before she goes back to eating, focusing on the news playing on the television.

Jake takes their plates to the kitchen when they have both finished eating, and Amy fiddles with the bottom of her shirt nervously. When Jake returns with two mugs of coffee, she has both her feet tucked up under her, and she smiles nervously at him as she accepts the drink.

“Thanks,” she says quietly, taking a long sip of the warm fluid. Jake smiles in return, taking his seat beside her once more. She sighs quietly, finally finding the courage to discuss what has been worrying her all day. “So, we should probably talk about what happened this morning.”

Jake’s smile falters slightly before he paints it back on. “Oh. Yeah. Sure. Of course.”

Amy nods, cradling her mug between both her hands, and drops her gaze from Jake to the couch cushion below them. “How did Sophia take it?”

“The breakup?” Jake asks. Amy looks back up to nod at him and he sighs slightly. “I don’t know, not awfully, I guess. It was pretty amicable as far as breakups go. She said she thought I had feelings for you and that I should tell you, that I’m a good guy and all three of us deserve to be happy.”

Amy swallows thickly, the room suddenly feeling much too warm. She feels uncomfortable at the thought that Sophia might think Amy _stole_ Jake from her, and it makes her feel even more worried about the situation at hand. “Doesn’t sound like it went terribly.”

Jake shakes his head. “It didn’t.”

“And she knows nothing went on between us while you two were together?”

Jake nods. “She does.”

“Okay.” Amy takes a deep breath. “So, what does today mean for us?”

“What do you mean?” Jake knits his eyebrows together in confusion, leaning over to place his mug on the coffee table but not disconnecting his gaze from Amy for even a second.

Amy sighs, feeling a lump begin to form in her throat. Her hands are beginning to shake once again and her heartbeat is racing at an almost impossible speed, so she squeezes her eyes closed and forces herself to talk. “Well, I guess I’m just worried about what we are. I mean, we did kiss but I know that doesn’t mean you want to be with me, especially since being with me right now could be kind of complicated because of, well, you know, and I just- I just want things to be clear. I just want to know what we are, even if it’s not what I’m hoping for.” She rushes the words out as quickly as she can, mostly so there is no going back.

Jake is silent for a few long seconds before he says, “Amy.” His voice is soft and quiet, and when she feels his hand on her knee and opens her eyes to look at him, he has a reassuring smile on his face, his eyes bright and slightly concerned. “Of course I want to be with you.”

Amy feels her stomach twist violently, her palms beginning to sweat against the mug clutched between them. “You- you do?” She stutters, stumbling over her words.

Jake nods, his hand coming up to pry her mug from her hands. He places it on the coffee table and then takes her hand in his, his grip firm but gentle. “I do.”

Amy smiles weakly, her heart fluttering delicately. “And you’re sure?” She asks, wanting – no, _needing_ – confirmation. “Even with the… the baby?”

Jake squeezes her hand. “Amy, I want to be with you, baby or no baby. That is, if you’ll have me.” His smile grows nervous, his eyebrows drawing together slightly.

Amy shakes her head slightly in disbelief. “So, it doesn’t bother you? It doesn’t bother you that I’m having a baby?”

Jake sighs quietly. “I just care about being with you,” he tells her. Amy bites her bottom lip to keep from smiling too widely and he squeezes her hand in his own yet again. “I’m here for you. Every step of the way. No matter what.”

With that, Amy leans in and presses a long, firm kiss to his lips, keeping her hand linked with his. Jake smiles against her lips and she feels her own smile widening, her cheeks heating up slightly. This is still such a new, foreign feeling, kissing Jake Peralta, but it is a very nice one, nevertheless.

When she pulls back, the lump in her throat is returning, this time threatening to dissolve into a waterfall of happy tears. “I didn’t say it this morning, Jake, but for the record, I really like you, too.”

Jake pulls her in for another kiss, but not before she has time to reach up and push her hair behind her ears with both hands.

The next few weeks of Amy’s pregnancy are hectic.

Week eleven is collecting and reading more books about how to grow, birth and raise a baby. It is evenings filled with cuddles on the sofa with Jake, the feeling in her stomach slowly morphing from nervousness to comfort to intense _happiness_. It is cooking traditional Cuban dishes together in Amy’s tiny kitchen and kissing each other on the front doorstep before Jake goes home every night.

Week twelve is finishing off the first trimester section of her pregnancy binder. It is finishing off the first part of her to-do list with Jake’s help. It is receiving her first piece of baby clothing, a tiny NYPD onesie from Jake that makes her heart swell and results in her dissolving into a flood of tears on the couch in Jake’s arms. It is having lunch with Rosa and Gina, updating them on the subject of Jake, and then having lunch with Teddy, updating him on the subject of the baby but tactfully avoiding any discussion of Jake altogether.

Week thirteen is entering her second trimester and subsequently reading as much information about it as she can. It is discreetly ordering maternity clothing on her cell phone at her desk just to be prepared. It is waving goodbye to tender breasts and food aversions, and waving hello to fatigue and heartburn.

Week thirteen is also when Amy finally notices the beginning of a baby bump and decides apprehensively that it might be time to tell her family.

When she steps out of the shower and stands in front of the mirror, she has to do a doubletake. Her heart leaps up into her throat and her hand flies to her stomach, resting on top of the slightest, smallest swelling. She turns to her right side, then to her left, running her hand up and down over the soft curve of her newly formed bump, the space which is currently occupied by a human being roughly the size of a lemon.

The sight is so new and foreign to Amy that it catches her completely off guard, and she finds herself staring open-mouthed at her naked form in the mirror before her for longer than she would care to admit. Then, quicker than lightening, she pulls her sweats and stretched out shirt onto her still damp body and rushes out into the living room.

Still seated on the couch where she left him, Jake’s head shoots up from his cell phone at the sound of Amy’s obnoxiously loud steps.

“Everything okay?” Jake asks, raising his eyebrows at her when his gaze meets her gaping and shocked expression.

Amy responds by bunching up the bottom of her loose shirt and pulling it up to reveal her stomach. She points towards her skin, widening her eyes impossibly further. “Look!”

Jake glances between her stomach and her eyes, his expression morphing into one of confusion. He places his phone down on the couch beside him and straightens his back out slightly. “What am I supposed to be seeing?”

Amy rolls her eyes and jabs her finger towards her stomach again. “Look! I’m _huge_!” She cries, and Jake’s eyes light up in amusement, a small laugh escaping him. “Jake,” Amy whines immediately in response, her shoulders slumping. “I’m serious!”

Jake rises to his feet, walking towards her carefully, cautiously, as if trying not to spook her. “I’m sorry for laughing, Ames,” he says softly, though Amy doesn’t miss the tiny smirk still pulling at one side of his ridiculously plump lips. “It’s just that I honestly don’t see anything.”

“Well, I do,” she whimpers, pulling down her shirt so it covers her stomach once more and dropping her hands to her sides, balled up into fists.

Jake is standing right in front of her now, and he tilts his head to the side, a reassuring smile on his face as he reaches out and places both his hands on her upper arms. “That’s because it’s your body, Ames. No one else is going to notice, I promise.” Amy falls into his body, pressing her cheek against his chest, and he wraps his arms around her gently, as if he thinks that she is so fragile in this moment that there is a chance he might break her. “What’s wrong, huh?”

“I don’t know,” Amy admits in a whisper, reaching up to wrap her arm around Jake’s bicep. She presses her lips against it and continues to talk. “I haven’t told my parents yet.” The words are simple, but they express the thought that has been playing on her mind relentlessly for the past few weeks, the thought that became threateningly louder and more aggressive as soon she noticed the tiny bulge of her stomach mere moments ago.

Jake presses his lips against the top of her wet head in a kiss and says, “Is that something you want to do?”

Amy pulls back slightly so she can look him in the eye. He is frowning slightly. “Well, I have to at some point, don’t I? I can’t just rock up to Thanksgiving dinner with a baby and be like, ‘this is your grandchild’.”

Jake laughs breathily, shaking his head slightly. “That’s not what I meant,” he says. “What I meant was, is that something you want to do _soon_? Like, _now_?”

Amy puffs out a sigh. “I think it might be.” She pauses, looking away from him for a moment before her gaze trails back to him, and she bites her bottom lip anxiously. “Would you- would you come with me?”

“To tell your parents?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh.” Jake’s eyes are wide, and he looks slightly stunned for a moment before he blinks a few times and nods. “Uh, yeah. Sure.”

Amy’s face drops, her stomach twisting uncomfortably with nerves. “Sorry, is it too much for you?” She sometimes forgets how weird it must be for Jake that a girl he has only been dating for three weeks is carrying another man’s baby.

Jake shakes his head. “No, I want to. It’s just,” he reaches up to rub the back of his neck, screwing his face up slightly, “I’ve never met your parents before.” Amy nods in understanding and Jake’s face brightens slightly. “But I wanna come with you.”

“Are you sure?” Amy asks, drawing her eyebrows together as she gazes up at him questioningly.

Jake flashes her a grin, but she can tell he is still slightly unsure of his decision. “Yeah. Whatever you need.”

And that’s how, the very next day, Amy finds herself in the passenger seat of Jake’s car as they make the short journey to her parents’ home on the other side of Brooklyn.

Her mother had been thrilled to hear from her, and even more thrilled (if that was possible) when Amy had asked to visit for dinner. So much so in fact that Camilla had jumped at the opportunity, demanding that Amy eat with them the following day, and Amy had agreed knowing that she and Jake both had the day off. She’d informed her mom that she’d be bringing a guest with her, and when her mom had pressed her for a name, she’d referred to Jake as her partner from work. Camilla had agreed to Jake’s presence, telling Amy that she was excited to finally meet him but surprised that she would want to bring him along after her relentless complaints about his childishness and immaturity up until this point. Amy had tried not to sound too flustered and shrugged off her mother’s comments as casually as she possibly could.

Up until now, five minutes away from her childhood home, Amy had felt relatively calm, but now the familiar feeling of anxiety is bubbling in her gut and she has to roll the window down for some fresh air when the car suddenly begins to feel much too cramped. Jake keeps glancing across the centre console at her, the tapping his hand against the steering wheel indicating to Amy that he is just as nervous as she is, if not more so only because of the simple fact that he will be meeting her parents for the first time.

And, as made clear by the three extra cars parked in the driveway of her parents’ home, Jake will be introduced to at least three of her brothers as well as her overprotective mother and father tonight.

“Great,” Amy sighs quietly as Jake pulls into the only free space available. “My brothers are here too.” She shakes her head slightly. “Sorry, Jake.”

Jake finishes skilfully parking the car and turns to Amy with a small, reassuring smile on his face. “Don’t apologise, Ames. It’s gonna be fine.”

His words are almost enough to comfort her, but the shaking of his hands casts doubt on his statement.

Camilla throws the front door open before Amy even has a chance to ring the doorbell. Her mother pulls her into the tightest hug of her life, and Amy stiffens in her arms slightly, startled for a moment before she relaxes and reaches round to pat her mom’s back.

“Hey, mom,” Amy says quietly.

Camilla releases Amy from her hug to hold her at arm’s length. “Oh, mija. I have missed you _so_ much.” Amy’s gaze focuses behind her mother on her father who is approaching the scene unfolding, and the slight shake of his head makes her smirk in amusement. “How are you? Have you been taking care of yourself?”

Amy nods. “Of course, mami.” She takes a step backwards, suddenly remembering Jake’s presence behind her. “Mom, dad, this is Jake.” She gestures just slightly behind her, glancing back in time to see Jake give her parents a small, awkward wave.

“Hi, Mr and Mrs Santiago. It’s nice to meet you both. I’m Jake Peralta, Amy’s-”

“Boyfriend,” Amy interjects. She blurts the word, and then quickly finishes with, “Jake is my boyfriend.” She looks back at him to give him an apologetic smile, her hand finding his to give him a soft squeeze of reassurance.

She might seem calm, but in the back of her mind she is screaming, because truth be told, she has never referred to Jake as her boyfriend out loud before.

“Oh,” Camilla responds, her face lighting up slightly in a mix of surprise and, most notably, happiness. “Well, it’s so good to finally meet you, Jake. We’ve heard a lot about you, haven’t we, Victor?” Camilla elbows Victor, who is standing just behind her.

“Right,” Victor replies gruffly. “We have.” Something tells Amy that one of her parents is more excited to meet Jake than the other.

“Come in, come in,” Camilla urges, moving to the side and pulling Victor with her as she gestures towards the inside of the house.

Amy pulls Jake in from where he stands on the doorstep and leads him down the hall. Just as she suspected, in the living room waits three of her brothers. Manny and Mateo sit on either side of one of the couches, both staring down at their phones until their heads shoot up to look in Amy’s direction when she and Jake enter the room. Dominic and his husband Noah are in the opposite corner of the room with their adopted baby, Emilia. The sight of the little girl makes Amy’s stomach flip and she squeezes Jake’s hand tighter in response.

“This is Jake,” Amy announces to the room. She clears her throat. “My boyfriend.”

Manny stands up, smiling warmly, and approaches Amy and Jake with his hand outstretched to offer Jake a handshake. “Hey, nice to meet you, man,” he says.

Jake disconnects his hand from Amy’s and takes a few steps toward to accept Manny’s handshake. “Likewise,” he says, grinning at Amy’s older brother. Amy finds herself smiling slightly at the interaction (admittedly partly because Manny is quite possibly her favourite brother).

“Make Jake feel welcome!” Camilla calls from the kitchen and Amy and all three of her brothers roll their eyes in response while Noah laughs, bouncing Emilia up and down on his knee. Jake chuckles awkwardly.

After all of the introductions are done and dusted, Amy finds herself sandwiched on the couch between Mateo and Manny while Jake sits across from her beside Dominic, in the place where Noah was before he had rushed off to help in the kitchen, cooing at baby Emilia. Amy is trying hard to listen to the conversation at hand, but she can’t help focusing on the way Jake is softly talking to the three-month-old in her brother’s arms. Her heart flutters when he extends his hand towards her and she grabs onto his finger, her whole tiny hand wrapping around it.

“You like kids, huh?” Dominic asks finally, smiling as he looks between Jake and Emilia.

Jake shrugs, glancing up from the baby to grin at Dominic. “I guess so,” he says brightly, then he laughs. “It helps that she’s, like, ridiculously cute though.”

Dominic chuckles. “She is,” he agrees, then he tilts his head to the side. “You wanna hold her?” Amy feels her pulse rate pick up at the simple question, her breath catching in her throat. Out of the corner of her eye, she can see Manny and Mateo smirking at each other over the top of her head.

“A- are you sure?” Jake stutters, stilling his movements as he knits his eyebrows together in question.

Dominic smiles, nodding encouragingly. “Go ahead,” he tells Jake, repositioning the baby so it will be easier to transport her into Jake’s arms. As Jake timidly reaches out to support Emilia’s head, Dominic throws Amy a smirk. “You should get some practice anyway, man.”

Amy’s eyes widen, her body snapping into an alert position. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Woah, chill,” Dominic says, screwing his face up in confusion as he helps Jake position the baby in his arms. “I just mean you probably have the exact date and time you want to get pregnant mapped out in a binder somewhere.”

Amy relaxes slightly, letting out a simple, “Oh.”

She takes a deep breath, trying to calm herself and ignore Manny’s suspicious stares, but it’s hard to settle down when _Jake_ is holding a _baby_ a mere metre away from her. The sight makes her heart melt and she actually feels like she might very well burst into tears as she watches Jake gaze softly down at the tiny baby in his arms, who seems quite content and happy to be there. The realisation that Jake has never been more attractive to her than he is in this moment washes over her, and she wants nothing more than to pull him into the longest and most passionate kiss of their relationship so far. But this is her parents house and her brothers are here, so instead she just sits back in her seat and settles for watching him as he tenderly coos down at baby Emilia and tries to picture her own baby in her nieces place. It sends a slight shudder of realisation through her body, one which she tries to hide.

“Dinner is ready,” Camilla announces loudly as she re-enters the room.

Amy shoots to her feet, needing an excuse to escape the unfairly cute situation unfolding in front of her. “I’ll help!” She turns around and walks swiftly towards her mom, who has a twinkle in her eye and an excited smile on her face as she stares at Jake. She elbows Amy gently, nodding towards where Jake is still sitting on the couch with Emilia in his arms. “I know, mom,” Amy hisses. “I see it.”

By the time Amy and her mom have finished plating up dinner and Victor has returned from smoking a secret cigarette in the garden, Amy has listened to her mom ramble on about how she doesn’t have long left to start having kids for at least ten minutes. She just wants to scream that she _has_ started, that that’s the entire reason she is here, but instead she keeps her mouth pressed into a straight line and stays silent as her mom talks incessantly about the joys of being a parent.

At the dinner table, Amy promptly takes the seat next to Jake before one of her brothers can purposefully steal it to annoy her. Her hand searches for his under the table, looking for reassurance, and when she finally finds it, his hand squeezes hers once comfortingly.

Amy doesn’t listen much to the conversation going on at the dinner table, instead deciding to ponder what she is about to say and how and when to say it. By the time she actually cuts into the conversation her mom is having with Mateo, Amy has tears in her eyes and her throat is hoarse.

“Mom, I have to tell you something,” she says, her voice breaking. She can feel Jake’s eyes on the side of her head, his gaze filled with concern, and she knows if she looks at him she is likely to either back out of telling her family altogether or, at the very least, burst into tears, so she keeps her eyes focused on her mom. The whole table is now staring at her with a mixture of worry and expectance in their eyes, and Amy exhales shakily. Amy drops her gaze, tightening her grip on Jake’s hand. “I’m pregnant.”

The room falls silent, and Amy feels her eyes becoming impossibly wetter. Slowly, she lifts her head, her cheeks tinged pink.

“Oh, mija,” Camilla says, her tone unreadable until suddenly a smile spreads across her face. “Congratulations.”

“Congratulations, Ames,” Manny says, grinning, then he turns his gaze. “Congrats, Jake. You’re gonna make a pretty great dad if earlier is anything to go by.”

Jake and Amy both glance at each with wide, alarmed eyes, and Amy disconnects her hand from his to wave it in protest. “No, no, no. The baby isn’t Jake’s.”

Her dad’s face screws up slightly in confusion. “It isn’t?”

Amy sighs, embarrassment flooding her veins. She shakes her head, barely able to look her father in the eye. “No. It’s my ex-boyfriends’ baby,” she admits quietly. “But Jake’s been taking care of me.”

Victor grunts, nodding slightly at Amy then turning his gaze towards Jake. “You’re going to be there for her?” He asks, raising one eyebrow at Jake.

“Yes, sir,” Jake answers immediately, not hesitating even slightly. Amy glances at him to give him a small, thankful smile, and he returns it absentmindedly.

Victor makes another grunting noise and then nods, reaching across the table towards Jake. “You’re a good man,” he says gruffly, offering Jake a handshake.

Jake accepts the handshake with wide eyes. “Thank you, sir,” he says with a nod, and Amy catches all three of her brothers pleased smirks, causing her to blush an even deeper shade of red. Amy clears her throat and reaches for her water, taking a long sip.

“Call me Victor,” Victor says, and Amy chokes on her water. All three of her brothers snigger quietly and Amy shoots them a glare, wiping at her mouth with the back of her hand and placing her glass back down on the coaster.

Amy spends the next hour filling her family in on everything she knows about the pregnancy so far and fending off her mother’s constant suggestions for her to move back into the family home. When she finally makes an excuse for her and Jake to leave, she is thoroughly exhausted. Not so exhausted though that she fails to smile at the sight of her mom pulling Jake into a tight hug and her dad shaking his hand again as he slaps him gently on the back.

Amy falls asleep in the passenger side of Jake’s car, her hand linked with his over the centre console, feeling a lot lighter than she did earlier. Things finally seem to be going right, and in Amy’s mind, it is all because of a certain Mr Jake Peralta.

For tonight, she stops worrying, and allows herself to sleep as the car moves steadily along, feeling safe is her boyfriends company.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi, guys. i’m sorry it took me a little while to update this time around, i’ve had a bit of writers block. with everything going on in the world right now, i really hope all my readers are safe. please, if you can, donate, sign petitions, spread awareness; do whatever you can. 
> 
> i stand with you. BLACK LIVES MATTER. 
> 
> if there is anything i can do for any one of you, please don't hesitate to contact me either on here, on instagram (@fumerox) or on tumblr (@sixdrnkamy).


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amy has some important news for Teddy, Terry and Charles, and she spends some time pondering whether or not she wants to take her relationship with Jake to the next level.

Though telling her parents went well, Amy seems to have overlooked one simple problem.

Now that Camilla knows about the pregnancy, she will _not_ stop calling Amy.

In fact, even now, a week after her visit to her parents’ house, she can feel her phone vibrating in her pocket as she walks towards the doctor’s office for her fourteen-week scan. Already sure that she knows who is calling, she fumbles around in her pocket and pulls her phone out, and sure enough, it is her mother. With a quiet groan and a roll of her eyes, she declines the call and slows her walking to a standstill to send her mom a text message.

**To: Camilla Santiago (11:54am)**  
**I can’t talk right now, mom. I’ll call you later.**

As she sends the text, another message in her unopened folder catches her eye, and she feels a smile spread across her face when she takes a moment to open and read it.

**From: Jake Peralta (11:50am)**  
**good luck ames! call me after**

Her heart flutters at the words and the use of the heart emoji at the end, and she sends him a quick text back agreeing to call him before she tucks her phone back into her pocket and continues towards the doctor’s office.

Teddy is waiting at the front door for her, his arms crossed over his chest and his eyes pointed down at his shuffling feet. Amy waves as she approaches him, and then, upon promptly realising that he isn’t looking at her and therefor is unaware of her presence at the moment, she clears her throat. Teddy’s head shoots up to look at her in response.

“Hey,” she says quietly, giving him an awkward wave and a sheepish smile before clasping her hands together limply in front of her. She rocks back and forwards on the balls of her feet, the discomfort of the situation beginning to get to her already.

“Amy!” Teddy says, looking happy to see her as he tucks both his hands into the pockets of his jacket. “It’s good to see you.”

“Right back at you,” Amy replies quietly, taking another step towards him and crossing her arms over her chest self-consciously.

Teddy smiles. “How are you doing?” His eyes drop down to her stomach and light up with surprise. “Your bump! It’s _grown_.”

“Yeah.” Amy chuckles shyly, glancing down at the swelling of her stomach. Teddy isn’t wrong, her bump _has_ grown since she last saw him two weeks ago, but thankfully not so much that you’d necessarily be able to tell that she is pregnant if you didn’t already know.

“It suits you,” Teddy says softly, his eyes travelling back up to meet hers again, a slightly lopsided smile on his face.

Amy promptly clears her throat, diverting her gaze so as to not allow things to become awkward (more awkward than they already are, that is). “We should go inside,” she says, trying desperately to change the subject.

“Right. Yeah.” Teddy sounds slightly disappointed, and Amy makes a point not to think too much about that fact.

Teddy leads the way into the clinic and then takes a seat near the window while Amy checks in at the counter. She takes a seat next to him afterwards and they fall into an extremely uncomfortable silence.

After a few moments, Amy clears her throat, catching Teddy’s attention and causing him to turn his head to look at her, his eyebrows raised. “So, have you told your parents yet?” She pauses, and then, just in case it isn’t clear, she adds, “About the baby?” onto the end.

“Oh,” Teddy says, pursing his lips. “No, not yet. Still trying to work up the courage.”

Amy nods, smiling understandingly. “I told mine last week.”

Teddy raises his eyebrows, looking slightly surprised. “You did?” He asks, and Amy nods in response, tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear. “Wow, that’s- how did they react?”

“Pretty well,” Amy says with a shrug. She bites her lower lip slightly in thought, considering whether or not it is appropriate to bring Jake into the conversation. “Jake visited them with me, actually.”

Teddy’s expression falters, his eyebrow twitching slightly in a way that might be unreadable if you hadn’t dated him for over a year and one of his hands balling up into a fist against his thigh. “Oh,” he says simply, diverting his gaze to his hands.

“Yeah,” Amy says, cringing. She slightly regrets bringing Jake up, but she has been telling herself for weeks now that she has to tell Teddy about her new relationship. Afterall, she _is_ carrying his child, and he does deserve to know, if only because of their unplanned but binding attachment.

The nurse calls her name, and as she and Teddy head across the waiting room, Amy resolves to tell him about she and Jake’s recently kindled romance by the end of the day.

Doctor Lopez is waiting inside her office with a welcoming smile on her face. “Amy. Teddy.” She greets them both with a nod towards the two seats across from her as she sits down behind her desk. “It’s good to see you both.”

“It’s good to see you too, doctor,” Amy replies, taking a seat and placing her purse down on the floor next to her. Teddy sits down in the chair next to her and Amy watches as Doctor Lopez quickly scans over the notes on her computer before turning to them, her smile even brighter than before.

“How have things been?” She asks warmly. “Any concerns or changes since last time?”

Amy smiles. “Things have been fine. Great.” She laughs slightly. “My bump appeared about a week ago, though.” Doctor Lopez chuckles quietly in response. “But other than that, and a few weird cravings, I haven’t noticed any changes or problems.”

“That’s great to hear, Amy,” Doctor Lopez says with a nod of acknowledgement before she types a few short notes into her computer. “Teddy, do you have any questions or concerned?”

Teddy purses his lips in consideration for a moment before he shakes his head. “I think I’m good.”

“In that case, we can get started with the scan.”

This time around, Amy feels less nervous as the cool gel is blobbed onto her stomach and the wand is pressed on top of it. She watches the screen intently, waiting for the image of her baby to appear, and her breath catches in her throat as it does, the room simultaneously filling with the sound of a rapid but strong heartbeat.

“They’ve grown,” Amy mutters, her gaze glued to the grainy image of the nectarine sized baby on the screen as she grips the edges of the bed under her tightly. She feels Teddy’s hand land on her shoulder, giving her a comforting squeeze.

“They sure have,” he says softly, and Amy nods absentmindedly in acknowledgement, not really wanting to focus on anything other than the baby growing inside her right now before the image and sound is ripped away from her for a number of weeks again.

And just like that, a few moments later, her second scan appointment is over. She can’t quite seem to keep the smile off of her face as she wanders through the waiting room, staring down at the ultrasound picture in her hand.

Teddy places his hand on her upper back, guiding her out of the doctor’s office and causing her head to shoot up in order to look up at him. He smiles down at her as he steers her around a couple and out of the front door, then pulls his hand away as they come to a standstill face to face, the light breeze in the air ruffling Amy’s hair slightly.

Amy tilts her head to the side and, knowing that she still has some _things_ to discuss with Teddy, she quietly asks, “You wanna grab some lunch?”

And that’s how Amy ends up sitting across from Teddy in the middle of a small local café, watching as his eyes scan the menu. It brings back memories of their date nights, back when they were an item, and she wonders whether she and Jake will ever have the opportunity to experience the things normal newly formed couples usually do, like the awkwardness of a first date. She feels slightly guilty at the thought of condemning Jake to the fate of relationship where they will both inevitably have a child to think about, and it is all she can do to stuff this feeling down as the waiter arrives to take their orders.

When the waiter leaves with their orders, Amy places one of the ultrasound pictures on the table and slides it across to Teddy. With a tender smile, he reaches out and picks it up, admiring it for a few seconds before he looks back up.

“Thanks,” he says, tucking the image away into his pocket. Amy nods in acknowledgement.

“Thanks for coming,” she replies simply.

Their food arrives soon after, and Amy hadn’t realised how hungry she was until right this very second, when the smell of her sandwich hits her nose and causes her to salivate slightly. She digs right in, almost forgetting completely about the awkward conversation she has to have with Teddy and, in fact, nearly forgetting his presence entirely, until he begins to talk again.

“So, how have you been?” He asks, and Amy swallows her food, looking up at him. He smiles at her from across the table, cradling a mug of coffee. “What’s new?” He laughs slightly and she tries to keep her cringing to a minimum.

“Uh, good. Yeah. I’ve been good.” She nods, forcing a weak smile onto her face, and then she sighs, placing her sandwich down on the plate. “There’s actually something that I want to talk to you about… if- if that’s okay?”

“Oh. Yeah. Absolutely. Go ahead.” Teddy nods expectantly.

Amy swallows, her mouth immediately drying up as she realises that she doesn’t have even the s _lightest_ clue what to say or how to say it. She fiddles with the seam of her pants under the table, pursing and straightening her lips out a few times as Teddy waits for her to begin.

“Uh, I just feel like you should know…” she begins eventually, trailing off and diverting her gaze from Teddy as she reaches up to braid a strand of her hair. “Jake and I are… we’re together.” She looks back at Teddy in time to see his lips curve into a slight frown.

“Oh,” Teddy says, disappointment evident in his tone. He takes a long, shaky inhale. “Okay.”

“That’s it?” Amy asks brightly, the nervous feeling that appeared a few moments ago at the thought of telling him fading away.

“You know how I feel about you Amy.” Amy nods, needing no further explanation. “But I… I guess I saw this coming.”

Amy bites her bottom gently, considering whether or not she should continue the conversation, but promptly deciding to drop it. She nods slowly, forcing a weak smile onto her face. “Okay,” she says simply, and then they move smoothly onto another topic of conversation.

Amy had forgotten what it was like to talk to Teddy as a _friend_ , and she remembers that although he is boring, maybe he isn’t the _worst_ person on the planet.

After they finish eating, Teddy heads back to work and Amy heads home. She pins one of the new scan photos onto the front of the fridge next to the previous one and finds herself grinning as she stares at the change in size of the baby between the two images.

Then, she settles down on the couch and calls Jake.

He answers after two rings.

“Ames!” He exclaims as he answers the phone, his voice bright and cheery but quiet, as if he is trying to hide the conversation from others in the room. “How’d it go?”

“Is this a bad time?” Amy asks, switching through the channels on the television absentmindedly.

“No, no.” He pauses and there is a quiet rustling noise before he begins to speak again. “Okay, I’m out on the roof now. Charles was listening in.”

Amy rolls her eyes and huffs out a laugh. “Of course he was.”

“Yeah.” Jake chuckles. “How was the scan?”

“It was amazing.” Amy sighs happily. “I can’t explain it, Jake. It’s just… it’s magical.”

And as Jake continues to talk down the phone, Amy finds herself zoning out, all her attention placed on her free hand as it slowly floats towards her stomach as if of its own accord, hovering for a few moments before finally, she lays it down on top of the bump.

A week later, after two weeks of her parents knowing, Amy decides that the only logical next step is to tell the two remaining members of the squad yet to be given the news: Terry and Charles.

She broaches the idea to Jake exactly two weeks to the day after they visit her parents - and somehow, by this point, she and Jake have been dating for an entire _five weeks_. It’s strange, because despite their relationship developing into that of a romantic one, not much seems to have changed between them. Surprisingly, Amy finds there aren’t many of the usual new relationship nerves and jitters, and things between her and Jake are wholly comfortable with next to no awkwardness between them. Despite the fact that they now spend a lot of their time either cuddling or making out on the couch in front of the television, things are fairly _normal_ between them (and even stranger to Amy than calling Jake Peralta her boyfriend is that he doesn’t seem to bring up the fact that she is having another man’s baby anywhere near as much as she expected him to).

On this particular Tuesday night, they are on the couch watching a documentary that Amy picked out and Jake agreed to watch just because he knew it would make her happy, and his arm is wrapped around her shoulder. She is pressed against his chest, her head turned slightly so she can see the screen, and she is tracing the tips of her fingers absentmindedly over her stomach; her stomach which has continued to steadily grow since she first noticed the formation of a small baby bump just a few weeks ago.

Jake’s chin is rested gently on top her head, and when she shifts slightly, pressing herself further into him, he moves his head back to look at her. She gazes up at him, watching as his eyes scan over her face, his lips turned up into a small, lopsided smile.

“What?” He quirks an eyebrow at her questioningly, and she shrugs slightly, tilting her head to the side. “Is there something on my face?”

“Yeah,” she says quietly. “Your nose.”

Jake laughs breathily, shaking his head slightly. “I know it’s pretty big, Ames, but come on.”

She shakes her head, jutting out her bottom lip in a pout of disapproval. “It’s not big,” she reaches out to tap the tip of his nose with her finger, “it’s beautiful.”

“It’s Thanksgiving twenty-thirteen all over again,” he says, and she can tell he is trying to poke fun at her but the soft smile on his face tells her that he finds her words endearing, so she simply smiles in response and leans in to press a kiss to his nose bridge.

She pulls back slightly and finds Jake’s hand in her hair, pulling her back into him until their lips crash together. Over the last month-and-a-bit, Amy has discovered that Jake is a good – no, a _great_ – kisser, and she can’t get enough.

She reaches up to place a hand on his cheek, fondling his sharp jawline, and smiles against his lips. Jake pulls out of the kiss and Amy is left gazing into his eyes, unable to focus on anything but the intense feeling rising inside of her. The feeling that she is familiar with but that she has never felt quite this intensely before. The feeling that has never quite felt as right as it does now, with Jake. The feeling that’s name begins with an _l_ and ends with an _e_. The feeling that it is much too early to mention yet, so she doesn’t, instead choosing to pull him back into another searing kiss by the front of his shirt.

“I want to tell the rest of the squad,” she tells him when they finally separate, the palm of her hand resting flat against his chest. She’s not sure where the words come from really, but she knows that they feel more right now than they have ever done before when she has turned them over and over again in her head as she lies awake at night, staring up at the ceiling.

Jake raises his eyebrows at her slightly. “You sure? That’s kind of a big step, Ames.” He presses one hand to the small of her back, sending shockwaves through her.

Amy shrugs. “Most of them know already. It’s just Terry and Boyle left.” She draws her bottom lip between her teeth, widening her eyes slightly. “Charles is gonna be _so_ mad that he was one of the last to know.”

Jake huffs out a quiet laugh. “Probably,” he says, then he reaches up to brush a strand of Amy’s hair behind her ear, causing her cheeks to burn bright red. “If you’re sure you’re ready, you should do it.”

Amy nods. “I am.” She hesitates for a second, before smiling sheepishly. “Would you… help me tell them?”

“Of course,” he replies immediately with a soft smile, and just like that, it is settled.

So, that is how they end up sitting in the breakroom the very next day, across from a very perplexed Terry and a very enthusiastic and ‘excited-to-hear-the-news’ Boyle (his words, not Amy’s).

“What do you have to tell us, Amy?” Terry gently prompts almost immediately after they all take a seat, Jake closing the door on the way into the room. “I've gotta get home to the kids.”

Amy nods in understanding. “Sorry for keeping you here after your shift, Sarge,” she says, and then, after glancing at Jake for reassurance, she sighs slightly. “It’s just that… I have something important to tell you both.”

Charles, who’s chin is rested on his palm, his elbow resting on the breakroom table, leans towards Amy eagerly. “Go ahead.”

After giving him a weak smile, Amy takes a deep breath and reminds herself that there is no time like the present. “I’m… _pregnant_.” She still finds it ridiculously hard to say the words.

Charles makes a weird, indescribable squeaking noise, clutching at the edges of the table and rocketing into an upright position. Then, he turns to the Sarge and begins to lightly hit him on the bicep, squealing incoherently.

Giving Charles a pointed look, Terry tries to ignore the smaller man next to him and turns back to Amy, who is waiting rather impatiently, chewing on her bottom lip so violently she wouldn’t be surprised if she draws blood.

“This is so unexpected but amazing! Congrats, you two!” Terry exclaims.

Charles nods rapidly, and then squeals, “Jake’s gonna be a _daddy_!”

Amy feels her stomach flip and she quickly intervenes, saying, “No, no, no. The baby isn’t Jake’s,” before quietly groaning, “Why does everyone think the baby is Jake’s?”

“It’s not?” Terry asks, scrunching up his face in confusion as Charles’ thrilled expression falters slightly.

“No,” Jake clarifies.

“So, you’re not gonna be a daddy?” Charles asks, looking slightly dejected.

“No.” Jake shakes his head. “Sorry, bud.”

“It’s okay, I guess,” Charles replies sadly, releasing a sigh. “We just assumed because… well…” He trails off.

“Because what?” Amy prompts, scrunching her nose up slightly.

“I think what Boyle is trying to say is that it’s pretty obvious that you two are dating so-”

“Wait, what?” Jake scoffs. “Obvious how? It’s not obvious. We’ve done a _boss_ job at hiding it.” Amy shoots him a glare to let him know that he’s given them up, and the look he gives her is reminiscent of a puppy with its tail between its legs.

Terry snorts out a laugh and Boyle releases a high-pitched giggle. “Yeah, right,” they both say in unison.

Amy’s head whips round so that she can glare at them instead.

“Damn, Amy,” Terry says with wide eyes, holding his hands up in surrender. Then, slightly sheepishly he asks, “But… you two _are_ together, right?”

Amy glances at Jake and sighs slightly before turning back to look at Terry and Charles. “Yes,” she admits.

Boyle squeals. “I am _so_ happy for us.”

Jake gestures between himself and Amy. “For _us_ , Charles. Me and Amy.”

“Yeah, that’s what I said.”

Later, on the couch beside Jake, Amy feels somewhat relieved. Now, all of the important people in her life know about the baby (thanks to her mum telling the rest of her brothers and their respective families), and it feels refreshing to know that she isn’t hiding anything, especially since she and Jake’s relationship is out in the open.

However, now that everything has been aired, it all feels surprisingly surreal. For the past eight weeks that she has known about her pregnancy, things have been feeling realer and realer almost daily, but now, everything feels a bit like some strange dream. The thought that Jake really is her boyfriend, that she really is about to become a mother, is strange and foreign all over again just as it was at the beginning.

She glances to her side to study Jake’s face, the sharp curve of his jaw and the pronounced arch of his nose. The way his hair curls ever so slightly and his plump lower lip draws between his teeth in concentration. And she smiles.

It takes him a few moments to register her eyes on him, but when he finally does, he turns to smile at her in confusion, and the emotion in his sparkling caramel eyes when he finally does is almost too much to handle.

“What?” He asks, and instead of answering his question, she kisses him.

She kisses him with as much passion as she can muster, almost as though she is attempting to convey the many confusing and overwhelming feelings that she has for him that make her heart ache every time she sees him without saying them out loud, because it is too much too soon and this is the only thing she can think to do. She buries her hands in his hair, and as his tongue slips into her mouth she pulls gently on his curls, and he makes a sharp groaning noise that makes her shiver like she’s never shivered before.

He pulls her into his lap and she obeys graciously, and then he places one hand flat on her thigh and one on the small of her back, and she leans as far into him as she can until they are about as close as they ever physically could be.

Her head is spinning and she can’t breathe without feeling him against her and there’s a feeling rising in her chest, somehow completely unfamiliar and entirely too familiar all at once, and she hangs onto him for dear life, dropping one hand from the back of his head to his jaw so she can trace her fingers along the bone there.

When she can almost take no more but simultaneously can’t bear for this to stop, Jake pulls back slightly, and he has to wrinkle his neck up slightly to separate his lips from hers. Amy gazes at him, her brain foggy and confused and her lips kiss-bitten, and he offers her a weak smile.

“Maybe we should save this for another time,” he says quietly, brushing his thumb along her swollen bottom lip, and she knows he means well, knows he is only trying to be chivalrous, but it still stings.

He leans in and places a short kiss to her lips and then, with that, she rolls off of him and flops down onto the couch and tries not to think about where that searing kiss might’ve – _could’ve_ – lead.

It doesn’t work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for taking a while longer to update! this chapter is just kind of tying up some loose ends before we head into the second half of the fic so it was kind of uninspiring to write.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amy talks some concerns over with Rosa and Gina immediately before experiencing the fright of her life.

During the morning briefing the next day, Amy can barely look at Jake without blushing, and it doesn’t help that he chooses to sit in the chair right next to hers, meaning that they are so close they may as well be touching.

She’s being stupid. It’s not like they haven’t made out before, after all, so why was last night different? Why can’t she shake the thought that, for the first time, there was a sense of animalistic urgency between them? A sense of longing, lust, want, _need_.

Yeah, she’s definitely having impure thoughts about Jake Peralta.

Captain Holt gives Jake and Charles a new case to work, and Amy hates to admit how glad she is when they leave the precinct (or when _Jake_ leaves the precinct, really) and she can finally release the breath she’s been holding all morning. He gives her a loving glance as he steps into the elevator and she forces a weak smile in return. Five minutes after his departure, she receives a text from him telling her that he will see her soon.

After an hour passes and she still hasn’t been able to get any work done, Amy wanders over to Gina’s desk. She isn’t really sure what draws her there, but that’s where she ends up anyway, craning her neck to see the computer screen and greeting Gina with a, “Hey, whatcha doing?”

Gina glances up from her phone screen. “Playing _Kwazy Kupcakes_.”

Amy nods her head slightly, perching on the edge of the desk. “Cool, cool. Very cool.”

Gina screws up her face in response to Amy’s words, looking a little disgusted.

“What?” Amy says apprehensively. “Why are you making that face?”

“I’ll answer that question, Amy, when you answer one for me.” Gina places her phone down on the table, giving her full attention to Amy. “Why are you acting so weird?”

“Me? Weird?” Amy scoffs defensively, crossing her arms over her chest. “I’m not acting weird. I’m chill.”

Gina raises her eyebrows. “Right.”

“I’m serious, Gina. I’m _super_ chill.”

“Firstly, Amy, no one who is actually chill uses the word _chill_ anymore. And secondly, it’s painfully obvious something is bothering you, so why don’t you just tell me, huh? Someone lose your favourite ruler?”

“I sure _hope not_.”

“I was making fun of you.”

“Oh.”

“What’s going on?” Rosa’s voice asks from behind Amy.

“Nothing,” Amy replies hurriedly, glancing over her shoulder at Rosa, who is cradling a mug of herbal tea. Rosa arches one eyebrow questioningly, and Amy sighs quietly. “Fine. Something _is_ wrong, but I’m _not_ talking about it at work,” she hisses.

Rosa shrugs. “Whatever. So we get lunch together.”

Amy’s face lights up slightly in both glee and surprise. Rosa barely ever agrees to spend time with her, let alone _volunteers_ to. “Really?”

“Sure.”

And that’s how Amy ends up sitting across from Gina and Rosa in a small café two blocks away from the precinct at midday.

The waitress places their drinks down on the table as Amy scans the menu, attempting to figure out what to order. She tries not to stare as a glass of wine that is set down in front of Gina.

“Really, Gina? Wine?” Rosa asks, and Amy feels relieved that she doesn’t have to be the one to point it out. She doesn’t want to be joy kill who stops everyone else from drinking alcohol just because she’s pregnant. “It’s lunchtime. On a Monday. And you’re working. At a police precinct.”

“So? It’s not like I’m a cop,” Gina replies with a shrug and then adds, “Thank _God_ ,” onto the end loudly before taking an unnecessarily large gulp of her wine. After she swallows, she sets her glass down and turns to Amy. “So, Santiago. Tell us. What’s got you down?”

Amy sighs slightly. “I’ll tell you, but you have to promise not to laugh.”

“I will promise no such thing.”

“Fine.” Amy rolls her eyes and takes a sip of her water. “Well, last night, Jake and I were…” she trails off, feeling her cheeks heat up, and diverts her gaze down to the menu laying on the table in front of her. “We were making out, okay? And I kind thought it was going to go _further_ – I _wanted_ it to go further – and he totally put a stop to it.”

“He put a stop to it?” Rosa repeats. “What do you mean?”

Amy glances back up at the two women. “Well, he pulled away and said something like ‘ _we should save this for another time_ ’.”

“Yikes,” Gina says.

“Yeah,” Amy agrees quietly with a nod. “It’s weird, right?”

Rosa shrugs. “He’s probably just trying to be a,” she shudders, “gentleman.”

Amy sighs. “Yeah, but that’s the problem. He doesn’t have to treat me like he’s going to break me. I don’t _want_ him to treat me that way.” She takes a small sip of her water to wet her mouth, and then mumbles, “I’m pregnant, not _dying_.”

“Well, _you_ know that, and _we_ know that, but have you ever actually _told_ Jake that you’re interested in having sex with him?” Gina asks, crossing her arms over her chest and leaning back in her chair slightly.

“No,” Amy replies quickly, then pauses momentarily before adding, “Should I?” The thought of having to actually voice her intent to have sex with someone instead of just giving a quick message of consent before getting to the action seems strange and foreign to her. She’s never had to do it before, but then she’s never had to do a lot of the things she’s had to do in the past few months before, so maybe Gina is right. Maybe having a conversation with a Jake about sex isn’t a _completely_ insane idea.

“Uh, doi,” Gina replies, rolling her eyes. “Jake just doesn’t want to hurt you, Amy. He doesn’t wanna force you into anything you don’t want to do or make you feel pressured, and whether you like it or not, you being pregnant _does_ have a bearing on your relationship. Jake doesn’t want to take advantage of a pregnant woman, especially one that he actually _likes_.”

“You really think he likes me that much?” Amy asks quietly, feeling a smile tug at the corners of her lips.

Gina nods, her face softening slightly. “Obviously, dumbass.”

Amy’s smile widens, and she reaches up to tuck a stray strand of hair behind her ear awkwardly, diverting her gaze from Gina’s. “And you don’t think it has anything to do with… well, the bump?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I guess I was kind of worried that the reason he didn’t want to sleep with me was because of the way I look right now.” Amy looks back at Gina and Rosa and points a finger at her belly. “Like, really _pregnant_.”

“You’re dumb if you seriously think Jake sees you as anything less than perfect,” Rosa deadpans.

“You don’t think it bothers him? I mean, I’m getting pretty big.” Amy glances down at her stomach, running her hand over the slight curve. Sometimes, she still feels like she barely looks pregnant, and other times she feels so _huge_ , and she is only going to keep getting bigger from now onwards. She’d be lying if she said that she wasn’t worried about Jake finding her unattractive in the coming months, and his rejection last night only intensified that fear.

“Amy, listen. I can’t believe I’m having to say this, but you’re hot, whether you’re pregnant or not,” Gina says plainly. “Jake wants to sleep with you, trust me. You want to sleep with him, am I right?” Amy nods. “Okay, so talk to him.”

Amy nods again, slowly this time, as Gina’s words wash over her, and she realises talking to Jake about the physical side of their relationship can’t hurt. “Okay. I’ll talk to him.”

Gina smiles slightly. “Good girl.”

And just like that, the conversation is over.

When Amy, Gina and Rosa step out of the elevator and back onto their floor of the precinct, the first thing Amy notices is how hauntingly quiet it is. So quiet, in fact, that you would almost certainly be able to hear a pin drop from miles away.

The second thing she notices, is that everyone is staring at her.

When Terry stands up from behind his desk and takes a tentative step towards her, she knows that something is very, _very_ wrong.

“Where’s Jake?” The words roll off her tongue without her express permission, and the worst part is that she’s not even sure what possesses her to say them. Nothing here suggests that Jake is in any danger, or that this has anything to do with hm at all. All she knows is that every fibre of her body is pushing her to ask, pleading with her to find out _where Jake is_.

The look on Terry’s face is that of sympathy and concern, and it makes her stomach twist as he opens his mouth to talk and then closes it again. “Amy,” he says finally, a hint of hesitation in his tone, “you should talk to Captain Holt.”

Amy feels her breath hitch in her throat, her mouth drying out almost completely, and she stands still, rooted to the spot and staring at Terry, because if she doesn’t move, then whatever information is waiting for her inside of Captain Holt’s office stays locked away. If she stays here in this spot forever, for the rest of her days, she never has to know whatever horrible news is in store for her.

Only when she feels a hand on her upper back, guiding her towards the office, do her legs begin to move. As Holt’s office grows closer and closer and the memory of her pleasant lunch fades further and further away, the hand never leaves her back.

She’s not sure who it is, and in this moment, she doesn’t really care, but it’s _something_. It’s something for her to feel other than complete terror and numbness. She doesn’t know what Captain Holt is about to tell her, but for some reasons, she’s pretty damn sure she could make a good guess.

Captain Holt is waiting for her behind his desk. He is staring at his phone, and his eyes don’t move from it as Amy enters the room.

She clears her throat, and that is when he finally looks at her. She tries to ignore the fact that his eyes are red.

“Take a seat, detective,” he says.

“Where’s Jake?” She asks again.

He stares at her blankly.

So, she asks again, her voice little more than a crackling whisper. “Where’s Jake?”

“Take a seat, detective,” he repeats, sounding slightly more strained now in a way Amy can’t explain.

She knows she should listen, but she doesn’t want to, so instead she looks behind her for help, for reassurance. As it turns out, the hand on her back, the one that is still there even now, belongs to Gina, who looks just about as torn up as Amy imagines she herself does right now. Behind Gina, through the glass window that lets her see out into the bullpen, Rosa is talking to Terry. If you didn’t know Rosa very well, you might say she looks the same as ever, but Amy sees the way her jaw locks in despair, and she doesn’t like it one bit.

“Sit down, Ames,” Gina says, and Amy doesn’t even have the capacity to be shocked by how soft her tone is.

When Amy finally does take a seat across from her captain (Gina takes the seat next to her), she is more than a little glad he asked her to, because she realises that her legs were so wobbly they might’ve given out any second. She stares at him, her heartbeat pounding so loudly in her chest that it is almost all she can hear, and he still hasn’t said what he has to say, and why won’t anyone tell her where Jake is?

“Is he… dead?” Amy asks, her voice breaking more than she expects it to on the dreaded word, and she isn’t sure she has a right to be this upset because they’re cops, and death is a huge part of the job, and this is stupid.

Captain Holt recoils slightly, as if stung by her words. He closes his eyes and takes a huge inhale, and it feels like millions of years pass by before he finally shakes his head. “Detective Peralta has been admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound,” he says, opening his eyes to look at Amy once more.

Amy isn’t sure what possesses her, but suddenly she is standing. The blood rushes to her head and she grips the edge of the table, squeezing her eyes closed in a feeble attempt to ground herself, and she feels Captain Holt’s hands on both of her arms, steadying her, and Gina’s hand is on her back again.

“I have to see him,” she says, pushing the chair out from beneath her and listening to it clatter to the floor behind her with a bang. She pulls her arms free from Captain Holt’s grasp and brings them up to her head, running them roughly through her hair as she tries desperately to _think_. It feels impossible with her brain feeling almost at full capacity. “I have to see him.”

“You are in no fit state to drive at the moment, detective,” Captain Holt tells her sternly, crossing his arms over his chest. He seems to be lost in thought for a few seconds before he sighs. “Please allow me to drive you to the hospital.”

Amy doesn’t take any encouragement before she nods her head in agreement. “Okay,” she says, and makes for the door.

“I’m coming too,” Gina says behind her, and then the three of them are entering the bullpen, Amy leading the way.

She makes her way through the bullpen as confidently and steadily as she can, taking subtle deep breaths as a way to calm herself. It doesn’t take as much effort as she at first thinks it will to ignore the many eyes glued to her as she swiftly marches her way to the elevator, because it seems the only thought she has the time to think right now is that _she has to get to Jake. Now._

She manages to keep it together all the way up until she takes a seat in the back of Captain Holt’s car.

She isn’t sure where the sobs come from, but they are big and powerful and wrack her body to the core. They are ugly and loud, and they draw Gina’s attention from where she sits in the seat next to Amy’s. Even Captain Holt glances at her in his rear-view mirror.

The tears come next. Big, fat, hot and uncontrollable. Soon, she can’t even see through them, can’t breathe through the sobs shaking her entire body, and all she can think about is the things she didn’t say and do. The things she might never get a chance to say and do.

And it’s not like she’s never thought of the possibility of Jake, or even herself, being killed while out in the field. It’s not like she hasn’t gone to funerals after an officer from another precinct has died, leaving behind a partner and sometimes even young kids, but it’s never been this close to her before. It’s never been _her_ partner.

It’s never been Jake.

Gina’s hand finds hers and holds it the entire way to the hospital.

Amy cries the whole way there, and the trip from the car to the front desk, from the front desk to the elevator, from the first floor to the sixth feels like an eternity and a second all at once. Her legs carry her automatically, following Holt’s commanding and confident strides with smaller, weaker steps, and Gina lingers next to her, glancing at her with what looks like concern every so often, and Amy’s not sure she’s ever seen Gina so quiet before.

She hears Charles before she sees him.

“Oh, Amy!” His voice is thick with tears, and when Amy finally catches sight of him as he jumps up from his seat in the waiting room and quickly waddles towards her, she immediately sees that his face is wet with them too.

Amy mumbles out some sort of greeting as he pulls her into a huge hug, and she flops into his arms and tolerates his embrace for longer than she’d like to.

“Charles, what the hell happened?” Gina asks, and Amy promptly realises this is the first time that she has talked since they were all the way back in Captain Holt’s office. It feels like a lifetime ago now.

“We were arresting a perp and- and they pulled a gun and- oh my God-” he cuts himself off with a whimper and rubs his forehead with the palm of his hand. “It all happened so quickly. There was nothing I could do.”

Amy shuffles uncomfortably where she stands watching Gina and Charles interact, and she’s more shocked than she really should be when she feels Captain Holt’s hand on her shoulder. She turns her head upwards to look at him, and he offers her the smallest, gentlest smile she’s ever seen, and then his hand is gone, hanging limply back at his side.

Even this interaction with one of the greatest role models of her life does little to warm the icy feeling in her chest.

“Where is he?” Her voice sounds foreign as it rolls off her tongue. Charles and Gina place their attention back on Amy, both looking sympathetic. “Where is he, Charles?”

“He’s-” Charles begins, but is quickly cut off by the sound of a door opening down the hall.

A nurse makes his way down the corridor towards them, and by the way his eyes are focused on their small group, Amy can tell straight away that he has information about Jake. The knowledge makes her stomach turn.

“Detective Boyle?” The nurse asks. Charles raises his hand somewhat apprehensively. “Hi. I’m Will – Detective Peralta’s nurse.”

“Is Jake going to be okay?” Gina asks immediately. Amy’s breath catches in her throat.

“Jake suffered a gunshot wound to his right shoulder. The doctor and I have cleaned him up and fitted him with a sling. Thankfully, we were able to find an exit wound pretty quickly and determine that the bullet had, in fact, left the body. He’s very lucky. The injury could have been much worse.”

Amy’s heart thumps loudly in her chest and tears flood her eyes once more. “You mean… he’s okay? Jake’s okay?”

Will turns his attention to Amy and gives her a warm smile. “He’s going to have to take a few weeks off of work, and a few further weeks off of active duty, but yes. Yes, he’s going to be just fine.”

Amy’s legs give out beneath her at Will’s words and she feels Captain Holt grasping onto her, calmly holding her up. She lets out a deafeningly loud sigh of relief, the tears stinging her eyes finally flooding freely down her face, as she straightens herself back out. She gives her captain a thankful but weak smile, and then does her best to focus on keeping her legs steady enough to hold herself upright once more without his help.

“Is there an Amy Santiago here?” Will asks, and Amy feels herself stilling at the sound of her name.

“H-here,” she stutters out.

Will smiles at her. “Jake has been asking for you,” he tells her. “Would you like to see him?”

Amy’s eyes widen in bewilderment and she nods quickly. Only when she feels Captain Holt’s hand giving her a gentle push towards Will does she realise she is still rooted in the same spot, as if rendered completely unable to move. Slowly, and on shaky legs, she follows Will down the corridor towards the door he emerged from (he walks slowly enough for her to keep up with him, a kindness which she is very grateful for).

Will shows her to Jake’s hospital room and leaves her outside of the door with the promise that he will be back soon with discharge paperwork for Jake to complete. Amy wastes no time in pushing open the door, taking a step into the small room, her eyes searching immediately and intently for any sign of Jake.

When she spots him laying on the bed in the centre of the room, completely and wholeheartedly alive, the relief is as instant and intense as it is overwhelming. His head shoots up and his face brightens at the sight of her, his eyes immediately softening.

“Ames,” he says.

“Jake,” she whispers, and then she is running towards him, throwing herself into his arms with little to no regard for his injury.

Jake winces. “Ouch, Ames. Careful.”

“Sorry,” she mumbles.

His one good arm wraps around her almost immediately, as if by instinct, and holds her against him tightly. She buries her face into his chest, taking a deep inhale of his scent, and immediately lets out a sob at the realisation that there was a moment in time, not too long ago, that she thought she might never get to hug him again.

“Hey, it’s okay,” he says softly at the sound of her whimpers and lifts his hand from her back to stroke her hair.

“Thought you were dead,” she whispers into his already tear-soaked shirt. “Thought you were gone.”

Jake sighs quietly. “I’m sorry, Ames.”

“You should be.”

He laughs breathily. “I’m okay. I promise.”

Amy pulls away to get a better look at him, swiping at her tears with the sleeve of her shirt. He looks tired, his skin pale and his sparkly eyes dull and ringed with darkness, but he’s okay. He’s alive.

She stares pointedly at his shoulder. “Does it hurt?”

“Oh, like a bitch,” he replies, and she laughs, bringing a smile to his face. “Doc gave me a ton of pain meds though. He says they should kick in soon.”

Amy sniffs and nods. “How did it happen?”

Jake sighs, dropping his gaze from Amy’s like a wounded animal. “Charles and I were on our way to interview some witnesses when we saw a fight going on in an alleyway. We went to interject, and one of the perps pulled a handgun on me.” He pauses and bites his lip in thought. “I tried to disarm him just as he fired it and and- well, he shot me in the shoulder.” He looks back at Amy, and she can see a mixture of fear and relief in his eyes. “If I hadn’t been trying to knock the gun out of his hand, he would have shot me right in the chest.”

Amy winces at his words and a shiver runs up her spine. She finds her grip on his arm tightening out of instinct and fear.

It’s not something she wants to think about, so she doesn’t. Instead, she kisses him, and she climbs onto the hospital bed beside him and curls into his side, safe in the knowledge that he is okay. That he will live to see another day.

Charles and Gina visit soon after. Charles begins to weep almost immediately upon seeing Jake and apologises at least twenty times for not taking the bullet for him. Gina pats Jake on the back and warns him never to scare her like that again.

Captain Holt hangs back at the doorway to the hospital room until Jake spots him.

“Oh, look. Dad’s here,” he says, then shakes his head. “I mean… no, yeah. I mean dad.”

“How are you feeling, son? I mean, _Peralta_ ,” Captain Holt replies.

He smiles knowingly at Jake, and Jake smiles knowingly back, and Amy can’t help but feel that they are sharing an inside joke that she doesn’t quite understand, but it’s sweet, so she leaves them be.

Amy insists that Jake stay at hers that night, and Charles insists that he drive them home. Amy agrees, only slightly worried at the thought of leaving her car in the precinct parking lot overnight in favour of taking a cab to work the next morning, and much more worried about the thought of getting Jake home and making him comfortable.

Amy doesn’t let go of Jake’s hand until they get inside the apartment, and he insists that he can use the bathroom on his own.

She flops down onto couch with a sigh and lets her head fall into her hands. She allows herself thirty seconds to feel pitiful, and then she forces herself to smile, because Jake is still here. Jake is still with her, and that makes everything okay.

“I can sleep on the couch,” Jake says from the doorway, wearing only his shirt and his boxers. When Amy turns to look at him, she quirks her eyebrows at his lack of pants. He laughs and gestures downwards. “Turns out getting pants back on is pretty impossible with one arm.”

She laughs. “Hmm,” she replies, and then shakes her head. “And no. I don’t want you to.”

“You don’t want me to what?”

“Sleep on the couch.”

“You want me to go home?”

“No, silly,” Amy replies incredulously, standing up. “I want you to sleep in my bed,” then, in case it isn’t clear, she adds, “with me.”

Jake’s face lights up in surprise, and he opens and closes his mouth a few times before landing on simply saying, “Ames…”

She takes a few steps forward until she is standing so close to him that their noses are almost touching and she can feel his breath fanning over her face, and even then she doesn’t quite know how to say what she wants to say.

“I thought I was going to lose you today,” she whispers finally.

Jake’s face softens. “I know.”

“I was so scared,” she says, and then she reaches up and trails a finger softly down his cheek, her touch featherlight. “I want you.”

“You… what do you mean?”

“I want you,” she says again. “I wanted you last night and I want you tonight.”

“Ames,” he whispers, his eyes darkening slightly as he tries and fails to maintain his composure.

She shakes her head. “Stop treating me like I’m going to break, Jake. I promise I’m not.”

“It’s not that. I swear it’s not.” He sighs, reaching out to touch her upper arm. She shivers under his touch. “I just don’t want you to do anything you’re gonna regret.”

“I’m not going to regret it.”

“But-”

“ _I’m not going to regret it_.”

She doesn’t give him time to reply before she kisses him deeply and passionately. He takes a moment to respond, but soon his only working hand is pressed up against her back the way it always is when they kiss, and his tongue is in her mouth. Her hands are tangled in his soft brown curls, his scent wafting over her and calming her, remind her of how much worse today could’ve turned out to be.

When she finally pulls away, he whispers, “Are you sure about this?”

She nods. “I’ve never been surer about anything.”

He smiles widely, then wiggles his eyebrows. “Never had sex with a sling on before.”

Amy laughs, rolls her eyes, and shuts him up with a kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, long time no update, huh?
> 
> i’m really sorry, guys. i’ve honestly had kind of a tough month and i just haven’t had the motivation to write, but i’m getting back into it and i’m hoping to return to regular updates now. 
> 
> i really hope this chapter was worth the wait. as always, kudos and comments mean the world to me but they are never expected! thank you so much for reading <3


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amy pops an important question to Jake and Jake struggles with the traumatic experience he went through and his fears of commitment.

Amy is awoken by the sweet sound of birds chirping on the other side of her bedroom window instead of the usual droning noise of her alarm. Slowly, her eyes flutter open, and she squints slightly as the bright morning sunlight streaming through the window hits them, completely blinding her momentarily. With a quiet, contented sigh, she stretches her limbs out carefully, the softness of the blanket rubbing pleasantly against the bare skin of her legs.

And then she hears a little groan being emitted from the body behind her, and that’s when she feels his arms wrapped around her, strong and reliable, and his large hand resting on top of the small swelling of her stomach, inside which a new life grows. His breath dances warm and comforting across her neck, the soft stubble of his chin softly scratching her shoulder, and she feels completely, entirely safe. She feels safer than she has ever felt before in her life, safer than she could’ve ever _hoped_ to feel in another’s presence.

“Morning, Ames,” he whispers into her ear, his voice deep and raspy with drowsiness, and then he presses a slow and gentle kiss to her neck that sends a shiver racing up and down her spine. His slightly rough fingertips are dancing across the stretched expanse of her stomach, his arms tightening around her until there is not a shred of space between them.

“Morning,” she murmurs back, and then slowly, and with the gentle guiding help of Jake, she rolls over onto her other side to face him. They are separated only slightly by the curve of her stomach, but God, Jake looks absolutely glorious in the post-sleep haze of the morning.

His golden-brown eyes are sparkling in the glow of the sunlight, his lips curved into a soft, loving smile. Amy leans in and kisses him slowly, passionately, and he kisses her back without hesitation, and she can’t help but think that this is _it_. This is what she has been waiting for. As their kiss deepens, she reaches out to grip his upper arm and he releases a quiet wince.

“Ouch, Ames,” he whispers against her lips. She pulls away immediately to study his face, retracting her hand and drawing her eyebrows together in a questioning manner. “My shoulder,” she says sheepishly in way of explanation, and only now does Amy see the bandage wrapped around it, tinged with the redness of blood, and the events of yesterday come flooding back to her. She almost lost him.

“Oh, God,” she says, shaking her head. “I forgot. I’m so sorry, Jake.” She reaches out to gently stroke the soft skin of his cheek, and he leans into her touch, his eyes fluttering closed as he releases a relaxed sigh.

“Mmm. S’okay,” he murmurs. As Amy slowly removes her hand from his face, he opens his eyes again and his lips curl into a lopsided smile almost immediately. “Amy, you’re… wow, you’re just- you’re _so_ beautiful.”

Amy feels her cheeks heat up, and her heart throbs in her chest, desperate and wanting. She allows her eyes to scan the expanse of Jake’s chest, naked in all of its glory before her. Tentatively, she reaches and runs a finger down it, from the space between his collarbones all the way down to his belly button, and then she smiles and leans in close so that their foreheads are pressed together and their lips are almost touching, but not quite. Not yet. Jake’s pouted lips part slightly as he watches her intently, his breath coming out in short, hot puffs against her mouth.

And then, instead of kissing him again like she so wants to do, she restrains herself, bites down on her bottom lip devilishly and whispers, “Let’s do it again.”

Jake lets out a warm, throaty laugh and, without needing to be told twice, his lips crash into hers and she whines, soft and happy, into his mouth. Amy buries her hand in Jake’s hair as she climbs into his lap, and his one good hand finds its way to her thigh, laying flat against her skin.

Above him, she pulls back to see his face. Her dark hair falls like shiny curtains around them, shielding them from view, and she presses a hand against his chest to hold herself upright. He smiles up at her softly.

“You sure this is okay?” Amy asks, seeking confirmation in the pools of his eyes.

“Ames, it’s _more_ than okay,” Jake replies with a chuckle. His fingertips softly stroke her bare thigh in a comforting circular pattern that makes her feel as though she is melting right there on top of him.

“What if I hurt you?” She tries not to focus on the sight of his shoulder, all wrapped up in a bandage. She tries not to think about the gunshot wound that is currently hidden from her sight, the one that could have stolen Jake away from her far before his time had things just been a little bit different.

“You won’t,” he whispers in response, and when Amy whines and opens her mouth to argue, he reaches up and presses his finger against her lips, silencing her. “Babe, trust me.”

Amy studies his face for a moment longer, finding solace in the utter sincerity in his eyes, and then, she quietly murmurs, “Okay,” and Jake captures her lips in a kiss.

Later, when Amy lays naked and sprawled out on her bed whilst Jake takes a shower in her bathroom down the hall, she finally checks her cell phone for the first time that day. It is much later in the a.m. than she would usually find the time to do this, but she and Jake have been busy doing _other_ things all morning, and she has been more than a little distracted.

She has ten texts from Boyle, a few from Gina and Rosa, and even one from Captain Holt, all asking whether Jake is okay. She tries not to think about how he had groaned and hissed as she’d helped him carefully remove the bandage and dressing before he climbed into the shower just a few moments ago, and she texts them back to let them know that he is doing well. He is still here. Still alive.

The carpet is soft and warm under her feet as she climbs out of bed and heads towards the mirror at the opposite end of her bedroom. Her eyes scan her naked body, taking in the many ways in which it has changed in the past few months and imagining the ways it will continue to change in the next few. The once flat and toned expanse of her stomach is now replaced by the ever-growing bulge of a baby bump. She runs a hand over it and marvels at the feeling of love and wonder it brings, replacing the long-forgotten fear and distress this action brought not months before.

Three and a half months in, five and a half months to go. The thought is both mildly terrifying and exciting. In all honesty, the baby still doesn’t feel entirely _real_ to Amy yet, and maybe that has a lot to do with her avoidance of buying any baby related items, an action which she is beginning to realise might not be entirely accidental. Sooner or later, she has to commit and begin to prepare for this child, has to put what she has written in her binders into action, whether she feels quite ready or not. She is going to be a mother. _Soon_.

Amy steps closer to the mirror, her eyes travelling up from her stomach to her face. Her skin is soft and smooth, her neck peppered with tiny kiss marks, and she runs her hand over them, remembering the way Jake’s lips felt as they were created. She trails her fingers upwards until they are dancing over her bruised and swollen lips, and her eyelids flutter closed, images of Jake above and below her frolicking through her mind.

“Ames?”

Her eyes flit open again and she can see in the mirror that her lips are now curved into a slight smile at the sound of his voice. She drops her hands from her face and slowly turns to look at him where he stands in the door, a white towel wrapped around his waist while he uses another to roughly dry his hair with his one working arm.

“Hey,” she says quietly, moving towards him until she is close enough that she can press a hand against his bare chest to steady herself and lean upwards to kiss him.

As they finally separate, he smiles down at her, and then sheepishly he asks, “Will you bandage me up?”

Amy can’t say that first aid is one of her strong points, but she doesn’t mind doing it for Jake’s sake. She sits him down on a chair in the kitchen and promises to be gentle, then she locates the supplies the hospital provided them with and tries to work out what everything is meant for. Turns out that police first aid focuses more on emergency, life-or-death situations rather than teaching their officers how to dress a wound.

“Okay, I think I’ve got it,” she tells him eventually as she lays out the supplies in the order she has decided on. _This seems right_ , she tells herself and apprehensively, she picks up the first item on the list. Antiseptic wipes. “This might sting a little,” she says quietly as she unpackages it.

Jake laughs. “That’s doctor code for ‘this is gonna hurt like a bitch and you just have to suck it up because you don’t have a choice’.”

“Pretty much,” Amy says with a laugh.

She manages to clean, dress, and bandage his wound to an acceptable standard, and though Jake does wince and curse a little bit, it’s nowhere near as bad as she’d have thought cleaning a gunshot wound would be. Afterwards, she helps Jake into his sling, or rather forces it onto him since he basically point-blank refuses to wear it ( _“I don’t need it, Ames!_ ”).

“Okay, all done,” Amy announces when his sling is properly secured and his arm is comfortably positioned. She pecks him on the lips delicately. “Thank God for that.”

“Pretty gnarly, huh?” Jake asks, grinning, and Amy rolls her eyes, huffing out a laugh. “Wish I could see it properly.” He jumps to his feet and heads across the room to look into the mirror hanging on the wall in the hallway, examining the bandaging under the light.

Amy watches him with a small smile on her face, her arms crossed over her chest. He looks like an excited child with a new toy, not a grown man with a potentially fatal injury, but his youthful approach to life is just one of the quirks that makes Amy like him so much. He has the ability to see the positive and potential in every situation, even when Amy can only see the negative. He has a way of encouraging her, of making her life feel just a little bit brighter.

And there that thought is again, looming over her. The thought that he could so easily not be here right now. The thought that he could’ve died yesterday and that he could just be _gone_. Life is so short, so fleeting, why not make the most of every minute? Why waste anymore time when she knows that he is what she wants, that he is what makes her happy?

“You should move in,” she blurts, the words racing out of her mouth and into the air like a bullet, breaking into his muttering about _how cool a scar this is going to make_. He glances over his shoulder at her, looking somewhat confused. “You should move in,” she repeats, muttering this time, her face growing hot. “Here. With me.”

Jake stares at her for a moment, his eyes squinted slightly, and just when she is opening her mouth to tell him that it is okay, that she shouldn’t have said anything and that it was a silly thing to ask, he nods. “Yeah. Yeah, okay.”

“Wait,” Amy says, shocked by his response. “Really?” She reaches up to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear awkwardly, just to give her hands something to do. “I mean, are you sure?”

Jake smiles softly. “Ames, it might not seem like it but yesterday was… well, it was pretty scary for me. Things could’ve turned out so different, and honestly? I really don’t wanna spend another second away from you, so if you want me to move in, then I will.”

Amy feels a smile slowly spread across her face. She nods. “Okay.”

Jake nods, too, smiling all the while. “Okay.”

* * *

“Jake, all the boxes are in the truck. We can head to Amy’s now.”

Jake glances over his shoulder from where he stands in his bedroom that will not be his bedroom for much longer. Terry is waiting in the doorway, leaning against the frame with a somewhat concerned look on his face, though Jake can’t really decipher the reason for his worry.

Both Charles and Terry have come to help Jake move all of his belongings over to Amy’s apartment since Jake is almost entirely out of action (unless _action_ translates directly to _sex with Amy,_ which they have been having a hell of a lot of since the first time last week). Jake haphazardly filled the boxes contents while Terry did most of the heavy lifting, and Charles is there to drive the truck (a skill he had learned while helping out one of his many cousins by driving around a food truck for him).

Terry shuffles in the doorway slightly. “If you’re ready,” he prompts, his face softening at the slight hesitance Jake is definitely displaying but also definitely ignoring.

“Uh, yeah,” Jake responds finally, turning his head to face away from Terry so he can stare back out the window again at the street he has come to know so well. “Just a second.”

“I’ll wait in the lobby,” Terry replies, and then Jake hears his footsteps as he leaves the room and then the apartment, closing the front door behind him.

With a sigh, Jake runs his hand over the window ledge, staring down at the people passing the apartment by. Couples walking hand-in-hand, businessmen and women hurrying to their next meeting with a coffee in their hand, tourists deciding what spot to head to next. Hundreds of people, all with their own lives. Lives that Jake can only begin to imagine. Lives that would’ve continued on exactly the way they were had that bullet killed Jake last week.

Death is a natural part of life. It comes to everyone, some sooner than others, and it’s definitely something a cop should be prepared for. For the last eight years, he’s been facing death on an almost daily basis, and until a few months ago he was sure some deadly explosion was the way he wanted to go out.

But now, there’s Amy. She’s like a beacon of light in life, and he can’t stop thinking about the fact that he almost didn’t get to see her again, and now he doesn’t want to die young and dignified in some badass cop movie scenario. Now, all he wants to do is grow old and die a mundane death with her. Now, all he wants is as much time with her as possible, even if that means his legacy might not be all he has spent his life up until now wanting it to be. As long as he has Amy, nothing else matters, and he can’t wait to wake up next to her every morning from here on out.

He glances around his bedroom, taking its almost empty form in one last time, and then he leaves the room, closing the door gently behind him. He wanders down the small hall and out into the living room, the place where he has spent most of the past year’s nights eating bad takeout food and watching _Die Hard_.

He thinks about saying goodbye, but then he realises that it’s an apartment and it can’t hear him, so instead, he leaves his keys on the coffee table and exits the room for the last time.

He finds Terry waiting in the lobby, just like he said he would. They give Charles the green light, and he heads down the road in the moving truck while Jake climbs into the passenger side of Terry’s car. As Terry starts the car up, Jake takes one more glance up at the window of his (well, it’s not technically his anymore) apartment, and then they are heading down the road and he is beginning a new chapter.

Terry plays some 80s music on the radio and taps his fingers along to the beat against the steering wheel, gleefully singing along, and Jake finds himself smiling, even after feeling so gloomy all day. Before long, he is joining in, and they are both singing at the top of their lungs, Terry hitting all the low notes and Jake hitting all the high ones. And even though his shoulder is throbbing and he’s on four different kinds of pain relief and he’s just left the only constant in his life, his apartment, behind, Jake feels happy. He feels free and light and comfortable here in the car with Terry, his friend.

“Hey, thanks for helping me out with this, man,” Jake says, reaching out to turn the volume down on the radio when the current song draws to a close. “I couldn’t have done it alone. Amy really wanted to help but, well-”

“I get it, Jake,” Terry say understandingly, glancing over at Jake. “Don’t mention it. I’m happy to help, and I know Boyle is, too.”

Jake nods. “Yeah. It just- it means a lot.” He is fiddling with a loose thread on the seam of his pants awkwardly, because he has always had a hard time feeling comfortable when expressing his feelings and now is no exception.

“How are you doing?”

“Alright, I guess,” Jake replies with a shrug. “The wound is healing, and I have another checkup down at the hospital tomorrow. Hopefully I can get back to work soon.”

Terry shakes his head. “I’m not asking how your shoulder is, Peralta. I’m asking how you are.”

Jake raises an eyebrow at his friend. “What do you mean?”

Terry sighs, glancing at Jake. “You got shot, man,” he says plainly.

“Yah. Obviously I know that, Terry,” Jake says, adding a laugh into the end to cover up how uncomfortable he is. “I have the scar to prove it.”

“Yeah, and that’s a hell of an experience, Jake. A _traumatic_ one.” He sighs again. “Captain Holt thinks you should see a therapist before you come back… and I think I agree with him.”

“What?” Jake cries, suddenly alert even under the influence of so many painkillers. He shoots upright in his seat, glaring at Terry. “What the hell? I don’t need therapy, sarge. I’m fine!”

“This isn’t up for discussion, Peralta,” Terry replies, still soft but with a slight edge this time. “If you want to return to the force you have to see a therapist, alright?” He is only trying to help, Jake knows that, but Terry’s tone makes his blood bubble with rage.

“No, it’s not alright,” Jake snaps. He takes a deep breath to calm himself and then, calmer this time, adds, “I don’t need to see a shrink. I’m fine.”

Terry sighs. “I don’t really know if you are fine, Jake,” he admits, shrugging slightly. They are minutes away from Amy’s apartment building now, and Jake is willing Terry to drive faster, willing the journey to somehow shorten itself miraculously.

“What do you mean?” Jake asks.

“Well, doesn’t this all seem a little quick? Things between you and Amy, I mean.” Terry says as he glances over at Jake. “Aren’t you rushing into things?”

With a sigh, Jake closes his eyes and tips his head back to rest against the headrest. “I don’t know what to tell you, man. It just… it feels right.” He opens his eyes again to look at Terry, who has gone back to focusing on the road before him. “I need the help right now. Amy feels better with me being there. It just… makes sense.”

“Look, man. I’m proud to see you being there for Amy, supporting her through all of this. Trust me, no one is happier than me to see you two finally get together.”

“But?” Jake prompts when Terry doesn’t continue after a few seconds.

Terry puffs out a large breath. “ _But_ she _is_ pregnant with another man’s baby, Jake. Are you sure you can handle that?”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Jake snaps violently, shooting up in his seat. He would never normally speak to the sarge this way, but his urge to defend Amy is stronger than any need he has to be polite.

“Listen, I have no doubt that you’re up for this if it’s what you really want to do. You’ve grown up a hell of a lot these past few months,” Terry says softly, “but you have to be kind to yourself, Jake. You have to be sure about this. Being a dad, biological or not, will be the single most difficult job of your life, and you have to be completely committed. You’re either in or you’re out, and I worry seeing Amy with another man’s kid is going be too much for you. I mean, Teddy _is_ going to be in the baby’s life whether you like it or not. He’s going to be in _Amy’s_ life.” He sighs. “I just don’t want you to get hurt, man.”

Terry’s words hit Jake like a ton of bricks, knocking the air out of him, and leaving him breathless and unable to find the words to respond. The thing is, Jake _has_ on more occasion than one considered the fact that becoming a step-father might be too much for him, that he isn’t mature enough to see Amy with her ex-boyfriend or to take care of a kid only to remember that it isn’t really _his_. These thoughts have run through his mind almost daily since he and Amy started their relationship, but he has almost always dismissed them before he could really sink his teeth into them, before he could really let them get to him.

But now that he is moving in with Amy and, subsequently, with the baby when it arrives, things are becoming so much more real, and Terry confirming his feelings has done little to calm the fire inside Jake.

He considers admitting his worries, thinks about how good it would feel to take the burden of these thoughts and feelings off of his own shoulders and share the weight with someone else, but instead, and he isn’t sure why, he shakes his head.

“I know, Terry. I know it’s going to be tough, but I’m one-hundred-percent sure about this.”

Terry slows the car to a stop outside Amy’s apartment building. As he stops the engine, he looks over at Jake, worry etched into his features, and he looks like he wants to say something more, wants to push the conversation further, but then he changes his mind and simply smiles a wistful smile.

“Okay, Jake. Then let’s go.”

Amy is waiting at her – _their_ – apartment door with a pair of pyjama bottoms and a sweatshirt on. Her hair, which has grown quite a bit since the start of her pregnancy, falls in loose waves around her shoulders just the way Jake likes it, and when she sees him, she pulls him down into a soft kiss.

“I missed you,” she whispers as Charles and Terry busy themselves inside the apartment, stacking boxes and beginning to unpack the objects Jake might need.

Jake chuckles quietly. “I was only gone for half a day,” he murmurs, then pecks her lips again, “but I missed you, too.”

“So, I guess you live here now.” Amy smiles softly, raising an eyebrow at Jake. Her fingers fiddle with the short curls at the nape of his neck, her arms hanging loosely around his shoulders.

He smiles back. “Yeah. Yeah, I guess I do.”

Later, when Amy falls asleep with her head on his chest and his arm wrapped tightly around her, he watches her sleep. Her rosebud lips are parted softly, her chest heaving slightly each time she takes a breath. She looks peaceful, beautiful, _happy_.

That moment, in bed at a quarter-to-midnight, is when Jake first realises that he is completely, irrevocably in love with Amy Santiago, and there is absolutely no going back now.

Like Terry said, he is either in or he is out, consequences be damned, and as far as Jake is concerned, he is definitely, completely, one-hundred-percent, _in_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i like this chapter a lot so hopefully you guys do too! the pov change was really fun to do! 
> 
> also, when i’m posting this there are like three minutes left of the day, so HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANDY SAMBERG! ilysm ur the best (i know you’re definitely not reading this but whatever haha) 
> 
> also hbd to melissa fumero for tomorrow lmao ilysm also
> 
> let me know what you thought of this chapter if you have the time! thanks for reading everyone <3


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